What I’ve got to describe in order to form a complete picture of my life right now is a series of puzzle pieces. Each individual aspect of my life right now is segmented and has it’s own complexities and deserves some consideration when trying to make the complete picture make sense. It’s going to take some thought and evaluation to recognize that the edge of one piece that has this slash of red across it fits next to this other one over here that’s mostly blue, but the hint of a red dot on the right side. Maybe none of it fits together. Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe the problem is that there are just too many damn pieces. Maybe the problems are all in my head. I don’t know.
I’ve admittedly been in a deep and profound place for several cycles of the moon now and have not done a ton of writing about it since November. I was sure that my trip to Mexico would be just the thing I need to bounce back. After all, I’m just a girl with a broken heart right? Just a girl with a broken life right? No big deal because it’s just one life on a planet who’s seen billions come and go. Quite literally billions. My life is but a spec in the vastness of time and space anyway so what’s the deal being so dramatic about it??!
But being on vacation in a tropical location was not the fix I was looking for. If anything, it was more of an eye-opener. It made me face the fact that my problems are more real, and serious than I would liked to have admitted. It also forced me realize that I need to be the one to actively seek the changes required to solve my problems. No other person or event is going to make that happen.
I’ve got a high-stress job and I’m a single parent with joint custody of my children. I’m no longer in a relationship, as of 2016 with lingering loose ends that have never been tied up. I’m struggling with the other relationships in my life and I struggle with what I am doing with my life and what I should be doing. I want to be healthy and that feels like a key first step to making all the other pieces fall into place. I hope so, but again, I just don’t know.