2017-01-30 That Was Kind of a Big Deal

I’ve done the blog thing for a while. I started my first blog late in 2010 because I met a guy and he told me he thought I should (yeah, that’s how it always starts.. with a guy). At the time, I was really apprehensive about putting my words out for the entire universe to see. People were going to judge me and I was not going to be good enough and I might even get boo’d off the stage. After just a little bit of time, I realized there’s no stage, no spotlight, and nobody watching. Well.. I think my mom followed my blog, but she kinda had to because she’s my mom. That was my first experience with WordPress and learning about the tools and the associated community.

To this day, I still use that blog as my main platform for what I feel is my very best poetry and short fiction. It’s organized to my liking and has quite a robust set of historical, “pre-blog” content. In the last 6 years there have been a few “journal” type entries, but not many. To be fair, most of my journaling goes no-where, but there are instances when I feel that what I have to say deserves the attention of that imaginary spotlight and stage. For that, I have opted to create secondary sites.

In 2014 I decided to become Miss SugarCookie. That year, I made a resolution to write every single day.. and post it to a blog. The other related goal was to come up with some idea or theme or project that was different each week for 52 weeks and just focus on that. For example, one week I made a desk, and another week I tried a “no sugar challenge” (how ironic). I did painting projects and had a couple of kick-ass vacations and I wrote about my life and times almost every single day. I only missed a handful of days.

That blog served two main purposes. First, to prove to myself that I could focus on writing and make it a priority and actually do it. Second, to be somewhat accountable for the other “goals” I was setting for myself. Even if no one is reading the blog, in my head they might be and that is enough of a factor to make me still feel accountable. It’s actually very similar with this blog… for at least the accountability factor. But I have not really made a commitment to myself that it’s got to be every day. What it does have to be is deliberate and purposeful.

I spent a great deal of my life in the last year thinking about what has gone wrong and trying to solve the puzzle of how to fix it. And if there is one thing that can lead to madness, it is trying to solve the unsolvable problem. I was very much on the edge of what I could handle. In my life, writing has always been a way to work through my issues and if nothing else, to get the emotion I am feeling out of me so that I didn’t explode. Last year, between the months of September and December, I probably wrote more than I have in the last 5 years combined. That’s a measure I can comprehend and use to quantify exactly how bad things were.

However now, I’ve decided to live that reality in a more open way. Granted, I feel like I’m no longer at the bottom of the curve, but perhaps this new approach has already had a hand in lifting me up. Hard to say exactly.

Now, after describing all of that, I can say what I really wanted to from the beginning and that is that yesterday’s post was the most I have ever shared personally in my 6 years of blogs. It’s a pretty big deal for me and I intend to stick to the direct and honest path throughout the duration of this new Miss SugarCookie adventure. So when I say I have no idea where it will lead, you know that’s the honest truth.

Deliberately Yours,
~Miss SugarCookie

P.S. If you wanted to peek at the original Miss SugarCookie adventure (which was initially on Tumblr but exported and imported into WordPress), here’s the link:
https://thesugarcookieadventure.wordpress.com/

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