I know I wrote a little bit before meeting my co-workers in the lobby at 6:45AM this morning to go to breakfast, but I have no idea what I wrote. I know I only slept for 3.5 hours and have been non-stop working for about 48 hours now.
Do you know what being tired and overworked does to your productivity? It makes it take a nose dive. Seriously. But I managed to power through another full day at the hospital with a smile on my face, most of the day. All I can say, is that I am doing my very best.
When we finally got back to the hotel at 7PM, all I could think to do was change out of my damn pantyhose and dress and lay down on the bed. My brain was literally too tired to think about what I should do next. I didn’t know if I should eat or sleep. I couldn’t think about anything. I was zoned out.
Have you ever been so tired? I know in the last couple of months I’ve had nights that I have had 4, 3, 2 and even 0 hours of sleep… and in all those instances I’ve not felt like I felt today. The extra ingredient is the effort that I’m being required to put into work and using my brain to solve problems and focus on specific tasks.
In all those other days, I could kind of coast the next day without issues. Not this time. This time, people are depending on me and I don’t want to let them down. So I’m fighting this exhaustion hard.
I know it will take its toll. It may have already taken a toll. My sleep issues are real even without this added stress, so piling it on probably is more of an exponent than a multiplier.
Right now it is about 8:15PM and I just had a bit of leftover cheeseburger, yogurt from the morning breakfast I saved in my fridge, and some Cheetos I bought at Walgreens for dinner (also not healthy). I’m sitting outside by the pool and it’s a lovely 80 degrees but I feel like I can’t even enjoy it.
I know it’s not even 9 but I am really needing to try and sleep. Maybe tonight will be my night for 8 hours.