Sadly the first order of business when I arrived on Thursday (after lunch of course) was to dig right into some work stuff that was of the utmost importance, according to my former boss who is now the Chief Operations Officer. Behind that I have feature “X” that is broken and is of utmost importance according to our President. Then we have customer “Y” whose current set of issues post go live is of utmost importance to, well, the customer. Then we have customer “Z” who does not go live until June, but their issues are something I am directly responsible for and that project, in my world, is also of utmost importance because that’s a new site whose image in trust in us (and in me) is at stake. I won’t go into items “Q”, “R”, “S”, or “T” which pop up during my work day and somehow whoever it is thinks an immediate response is necessary. It is no wonder I feel defeated when trying to make anyone happy.
After getting as much done as I possibly could from my desk in the spare bedroom of my Texas Bestie’s house, we cut out for dinner and after that came back to the house to continue “catching up” over a bottle of wine.
I tried to do the best that I could to lay out all the puzzle pieces that make up my current work situation and after going over the 5th story that adds relevant detail, her advice to me was to cut and run. She reminded me that this is the third trip here where I was lamenting about all the drama and dis-satisfaction.
I am the one who offered up first that I have already considered quitting, and had done number crunching to see how long I could be on hiatus before even starting to look for another job. I admitted to not only needing to break away from my company but also break away from working completely for a while. Her advice to me was to plan for 3 months of just doing nothing (not working or looking for a job) and take time to just live and do things that are satisfying to me personally. After 3 months, which would take me into September or October, start to look again and probably by the first of the year next year I will have found something new and will be completely recharged and ready to give it my all again.
We joked about writing my resignation letter. We joked about shooting my Survivor application video, and by the end of the night, we were admitting we were pretty serious about it.
Later that evening at the house is when we put the work stuff aside and focussed more on the relationships I’m tangled in. We talked about the weird back and forth with Matt, having continued communication which has increased in the last month. At this time, Jer was there too and both of them had the same advice which was that I should cut off contact completely because it was not healthy for either one of us. They are right, but this is a tougher pill to swallow then all the work conclusions somehow.
I’m going to need a little more time to consider the things they have said and I don’t think I am ready for the conversation where I tell him we can’t be friends. It hurts my heart to think about it, but at the same time, I understand that all that is exactly why I’m not really able to get over it and move on. I just need some time and space in my own mind to really build up the courage to do what needs to be done, because I know it will be really tough.
To sum up, so far, I’ve done a ton of work and we’ve done a ton of talking, and now that it is the weekend I need to break free, as much as I can, from all of it, and just enjoy my friends and Austin. Lance arrives today so that will add another dynamic into the mix which is sure to be super fun.
Over it and Out,