The days seem to be going by faster now. Something about this lighter feeling in me causing a gliding sensation like I’m that air hockey puck and each inch I travel there’s a burst of air below me making the ride easier. I feel like I can travel farther, faster, and there’s nothing left in my way.
I have to ask myself why. Why is it I feel this way right now, in this moment? Is it the song in my ears? Is it the easy pace on the treadmill? Is it the realization that in a few short weeks I’ll be free from responsibilities that have been weighing me down for so long. Perhaps it is a combination of all of those things.
I went to lunch today with one of my co-workers, and someone who has been my friend for the past five years. We started at our company on the same exact day. She’s a mom with two kids and we have had many a conversation about work, husbands, children, and life in general. I very much value her friendship and her opinion. She’s a strong independent person and she’s also a good listener and has been a friend through my struggles these last several years.
She asked me what I was going to do when I’m through. Now lots of folks have asked me what I am going to do with my time but she is the first one to ask a little differently. She said “What is your first act of freedom going to be?” Yes, she used the word freedom. Does that mean what we do is keeping us from being free? Are our jobs and careers and responsibilities tying us up in a way that does not allow us to really experience life and live?
While I don’t believe that is necessarily true, there is some validity to it. There is some element of work that is, by it’s very nature, a limiting factor. It does not matter how much I like what I do, and I do like what I do. I will not be able to choose a certain lifestyle because of it. At this point, I’m sort of bound to continue on this career path because of my financial obligations, and tied to where I live until my kids can get through school. After that, the game will change for real.
This is all just a temporary break from the reality that I have known. An experiment, if you will, of self discovery. I think that is part of why I have not made any definite plans yet, because I don’t want to commit to anything. I can’t even commit to doing something the first weekend after I’m officially done. So I had to answer Sam with “I don’t know”. I should be able to think of something, but I just don’t know what that would be yet.
I also followed that statement with another, “I think I want to start dating again.” Which is a thought that has entered my mind more frequently since I got back from Colorado. She remarked that she was glad to hear me saying that and had been hoping I would get there soon. She know’s how much I struggled (and am still struggling) over my breakup with Matt.
We’ll see what unfolds with that scene as I suddenly have more time in my day to do whatever I want. Goodness knows I have plenty of other stuff I want to do that will also take my time, but the prospect of going out on a few dates is sounding more and more appealing as of late.
Maybe the thought of that is why I feel like an air hockey puck. Maybe that “light and fast” movement of time around me is a result of a combination of things and not just one specific element. Who knows.
So Time For Sleep Now`