2017-08-13 Today is Mine

When I woke this morning at 7:33 after about 7 hours of sleep I said to myself, “Today is going to be my day”. I said it in a nice way, like I was going to hug the day and enjoy every minute of it’s time. Not in a mean sort of ownership way.

I’m rolling into a phase here where I intend to take my time and enjoy it and really do things I want to do. If that means I eat some ice cream and take a nap, then that is what it means. If it means I go on a 40 mile bike ride, then hooray for that. I’m going to try to not worry about the small things and appreciate all the wonderful parts of my life and the world around me.

So here now, after most of the day has come and gone, is “My Sunday” Status Update…

Jazzercise at 8:30 with one of my favorite instructors was a success. It was a great start to the day. When it was over at 9:30 though, I was done and left to go back home.

I spent about a half an hour putzing on the internets and completed my Red Cross “Rapid Pass” for the third time in two weeks. I have not needed it due to the low iron, but as I got in my car to drive to today’s location I said to myself again “Today is going to be my day”. Low and behold, my hemoglobin was 13.6 and so I was allowed to donate. Yes!! Great success.

After that I did a few random chores around the house and changed to go meet my sister downtown for Sushi. We went to Hiro 88 which I have not been to for sometime and it was awesome. I did not feel bad for ordering and eating the crab rangoon or some of each of the five rolls we selected or drinking two most delicious purple kimono drinks.

When I arrived back home I was really full and feeling very much like a nap would be a great idea but when I laid down, Josh texted and wanted to go for a walk. So I opted to get the steps instead. We went to Walnut which is about an hour walk and toward the end of it we both remarked that the trail is getting kind of boring. It really is. He also was lamenting about being hungry so we drove to Qdoba where he had a quesadilla and I had chips and queso. I knew I had overdone it when my stomach started to hurt. Too much goodness in one day.

That brings us to right about now. 7PM and the sun is starting to get low in the sky. I’ve had good conversations, good food, 15K steps, and am really ready for my kids to return home tonight. Today was my day. Tomorrow will be ours together.

Hasta Manana,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-11 It’s FriYay Again

I’m bound and determined to get my act together today and at the very least finish digging a trench for these edging pavers for my back garden. I also got it in my head yesterday that I would like to go for a bit of a bike ride and really see what’s up with patio trail and how that connects with a few other trails in the area. All this has to be done by like 4 because I am also bound and determined to go visit my friend Leah at her Jazzercise class at 4:30. I have not seen her for about a month.

I’m going to make this one quick today because I really want to get up and at it. No more communication back from my “beach day” friends. I’m very much confused about how when we are meeting in person it seems so very good but then there are such long stretches of silence in between. The longer it goes, the less hope I have for anything.

I had over 8 hours of sleep again last night which makes like 5 days in a row and that is a new record. My average sleep for the week is 8 hours and 1 minute and I can’t tell you how good that feels. I’m really loving the way I feel when I wake up. Refreshed, energized, happy. I could really get used to this. Of course in about four days the kids go back to school so we will all have to be getting up a little earlier. For me, I think the trick will be going to bed earlier too. I should do that anyway and set a good example for the kids. They don’t get back until Sunday so it is going to be an abrupt change for them. Hopefully they have been getting up early on their vacation with their dad.

OK, no more stalling. I’m going to go straight to the backyard to get to work. I need to keep my eyes closed until I get there so I don’t get distracted (again) by something else along the way.

Doing the FriYay Dance,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-10 Strange Days

This week has been so strange. Despite having a few things planned, it seems that nothing is going according to plan. Some of it has been unexpectedly awesome and some of it has been just rotten. I’ll start with rotten so I can end on a positive note.

Yesterday I wrote about my attempt to donate blood and how that turned out. I was so angry. I just hate being turned away and maybe it is because I hate rejection and possibly it is because it feels like a situation that is completely out of my control. Either way, I was just so angry and I felt like punching something when I got back in my car. It was like a mini temper tantrum and that’s not me. I’m very even keel and there is not a lot that makes me angry. This did it though. I channeled that anger into yesterday’s post and also researching more about the diet where low iron is concerned. I tried to take that negative and turn it into a positive and I sort of feel better about it. Sort of.

Yesterday afternoon I had a plan to do Jazzercise, a strength class followed by a dance-mixx class. I was all geared up to do the 45 minute strength set, which was with one of the toughest instructors in my opinion. About 5 minutes in I felt a twinge of a headache, which I had not had going into the class. Another 10 minutes and it was really starting to ramp up into something substantial and about 30 minutes in I was convinced I was having a migraine. On my back doing ab-crunches looking directly up at the light and starting to feel like I wanted to toss the contents of my stomach. The sensitivity to light is a sure sign of a migraine.

Of course I was in the front row and of course it was a strength class which requires one have weights and a ball and a resistance tube and a matt. So many things borrowed from various locations around the room to put away and it would have been very disruptive for me to just quit and put those things away. So I powered through it. It would also look very strange if someone quit 30 minutes into a 45 minute class. I put about 10 to 15% effort into each next exercise until it was finally through. It’s funny how sometimes 15 minutes can seem like an eternity.

When class was over I packed up my things and put all that eq away and high-tailed it out of there. No second class was in the cards for me. After having been afflicted by migraines off and on for my entire adult life, I know the best way to combat them is dark and quiet and sleep, with meds if necessary. That is what I intended to do.

I arrived home and promptly took an Excederine migraine pill, which is just acetaminophen, caffeine, and aspirin. Then I had a bowl of cereal. Then I went up to my room and took a promethazine to combat the nausea. The promethazine also has a nice side effect of making me really drowsy. That’s kind of an understatement though. It actually helps me have a deep relaxing sleep, if I fall asleep. After I took that I had a nice hot shower and then fell into my bed. I was probably asleep in like 5 minutes. No kidding.

According to my Fitbit that was 6:09PM that I fell asleep. The last thing I remember was texting Josh that if I was unresponsive, it was because I was asleep. We were supposed to go to dinner when he finished his work for the day. Apparently he texted and even knocked on my door when he was in the area and I was unresponsive.

I woke up around 9pm, very groggy like I was still in the middle of that drug-induced fog. The headache was gone but my body hurt like I had fallen asleep so suddenly and then slept wrong. It was the strangest feeling. I had a bite to eat and texted with Josh and then decided it would be best if I just let my body sleep and went back to bed. That was about 10:15pm. I slept until 7:30 this morning. Adding it up that was almost 12 hours total. I have not slept that much in forever. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I slept that long. Wow.

Right now I’m at the Toyota service shop getting an oil change. It was good that I woke up when I did so I did not miss my appointment. However, my Mac is very low on power (< 5%) and I don’t have the power cord so I’m going to have to save the “good” for when I’m back home and plugged in.

More Laterz,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-05 Not Ready for “What Now”

It’s just past 6AM and I’ve been awake since 4 something. The sun is just around the corner and there is light outside now and I’ve opened the curtains and the windows which is a sure sign I’ve given up the notion of any more sleeping on this night.

I was so tired when I wrote yesterday’s post that I had to go back and re-read what it was all about. Apparently, I have some more topics brewing in my brain but not quite ready to commit to any deep commentary on any of them. I feel quite the same about my life in general. I’m not really ready to commit to starting a relationship. I’m not really ready to commit to finding my next career. I’m not really ready to commit to any other drastic changes or endeavors in my life.

I’ve taken the last month to decompress from my last work situation and have adjusted quite easily to a lifestyle of leisure. I really fancy waking up every day refreshed and relaxed with no responsibility save to those few commitments I’ve made for meet-ups and what my kids might need or want. I’ve commented to several folks recently that it would be really easy to get used to this, if only my bank account could handle that long term (which it can’t of course).

I’ve tried to be very observant and self-reflecting on how I feel and how different situations make me feel and what impact certain events have had on my mood and demeanor. I’m doing this analysis to try and better understand myself while I have the time to do it. That “mirror” is a valuable tool in improving ones life, but unless you have the time to really look at it and then actually think about what you see, it might be a wasted minute. Josh and I had a conversation about the mirror as a tool yesterday and I think he was referring more to a literal mirror than my figurative form, but the application of the idea is the same none the less.

Last night I caught my own reflection in a window in my kitchen and I am reminded of my physical flaws. Some which can be corrected with some hard work and dedication to activity and food consumption behavior modification. Some that are just how I was built which I have no control to change save for expensive plastic surgery. For the most part, I’m OK with the way I look, but thinking about being in a relationship again, or starting down that path makes me feel self conscious or more aware of some of those flaws because I would be subject to what someone else thinks about it. It should not matter, but it does. No sense denying that.

As July is a closed month now, and open for evaluation, I very much think it was a well rounded attempt to unwind from the working world. A good vacation, lots of time spent meeting up with people and talking, and a fair bit of experimentation in the dating world. It’s now the 5th day of August and I’m starting to try to define what this month in my life will be all about. I’ve recognized through my reflecting that I do tend to over-commit to things, and took the ‘re-connecting’ with people too far. The end result was often a stressed feeling as well as too many unhealthy meals, which is a result of not a lot of choices for the actual meet-ups themselves. I’m going to cut back on both in August as well as cut off my attempts at meeting new people.

I would like to also really start figuring this diet thing out. Less meals out and more cooking at home will allow me to eat healthier. I may not be ready to start thinking about big life changes, but the diet is so important and something I really have complete control of so there are no excuses to fixing that. Despite my early start to the day today, I’m also hopeful the improvement I have seen in my sleep lately will continue.

It’s almost 7AM now and though the sun is up, it is very overcast outside. I think the chances for rain today are good so it might be a fabulous day to lounge around and drink coffee and read a book. Perhaps I will go get a Jazzercise set in early just so I can feel well balanced and not feel guilty later if I do end up having a lazy day. At this very moment, however, I’m not even ready for that yet.

Yawn,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-03 The Consumption of Time

I’m one full month into not working and quite amazed at how my days magically fill up with things to do despite having 8+ extra hours to work with. The first change, which I think I thought was going to be quite instantaneous but has taken a little time to come to pass is the extra sleep.

When I put in my notice at work back in the end of May, I had an immediate sense of relief and that manifested in some wonderful, sleep-aid free nights of sleep. I thought for sure that was a magic ticket that would for sure stick, but that relief in the sleep department was short lived. Instead, my sleep issue soon returned and I found myself once again turning to taking some Benadryl or Xanax quite regularly.

It really has not been until the last few weeks that I’ve finally turned the corner again and am now getting almost 8 hours a night without aid. I’m wondering if has just taken this long for this change to settle in or are my issues with sleep just chronic and destined to come and go. I guess it does not really matter as long as I can enjoy the extra hours I am getting when I get them. I will gladly sacrifice those extra hours for sleep because it feels really great but the rest of my day and those other hours I would normally be working seem to also be consumed by things I normally had to fit in after work.

Take yesterday for example. I spend the entire day mowing, doing dishes and laundry and going to lunch with my mom and before you know it 5PM had arrived. How could I possibly have stretched out all that stuff to fit 8 hours? Now, I did also fit in a two hour nap in the afternoon (which was also glorious), but did my chores really need to take the whole day?

The other noticeable change in my routine has been my writing. I used to write, when I had some inspiration, in the evenings. My day from 7AM to 7PM was typically very set and I would not even think about opening my laptop until after that. Many times I would be too tired once I got to that point and/or would have lost interest in whatever it was I wanted to write about. Now I have lots of time and can pretty much get right to it when I fancy. It seems I have shifted more to a first thing in the morning writer. It feels very natural.

When I wake up, I’m typically thinking about what I have going on that day and I lay in bed and sort of think through it. I’ll grab my phone and check the weather to see if that is going to affect any of my plans and I typically will also check my email too. Though I like to be active pretty much right away, I’ve tried exercise first thing in the morning and that still does not suit me very well so the writing is a nice transition from thinking about the day and actually starting the day. The only thing I struggle with a bit is having something to write about.

Besides the stream of consciousness stuff, I also write other things, mainly poetry, but that requires a special brand of inspiration. Now that I am writing in the morning, I don’t really have the whole day to reflect on like I would at night, so I find myself wandering off in different directions on different topics which is nice. Hopefully that diversity will be more interesting to revisit in the long run.

Obviously some of my time has been consumed with the addition of dating back in my life, but most of that is time that I would normally have spent with other people any way at lunches and coffee and dinners. Probably I have spend more time thinking about the dates and people and chats and also past relationships than the actual dates themselves. I’m trying to figure out what it is I am really looking for and keep coming up with different answers at every turn and maybe all that thinking is what is taking up my spare free time. Why else would it take me 6 hours to do laundry and mow the lawn? Haha.

Anyway, I’d better get started on my day and by started I really mean figure out what I want to do this morning because most of my time this afternoon and evening is already spoken for. I have a good couple hours until lunchtime and don’t have anything pressing that needs to get done. Perhaps I will hit the gym and perhaps I will go make something out of the tomatoes my mom gave me yesterday. We shall see.

Happy Thursday,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-07-23 Not Quite the Night I Was Hoping For

Of all the things I thought I might be writing about when I woke up today, being sick overnight was not one of them. I expected, after having a couple drinks at dinner and taking a Xanax that I would sleep like a baby (finally) and wake up rested and ready for a wonderful Sunday. Instead I woke up at 3AM feeling worse than I have felt in a long time.

My sore throat had gotten worse still and I felt very chilled which to me only means one thing and that is that I had a fever. Not only that, but my head hurt so bad I could barely stand without getting dizzy and my stomach was a wreck too. Part of me knows that the sore throat and fever is legit but the other symptoms I probably brought on myself with the drinking. But I only had two freaking cocktails, so that’s really rotten.

I immediately took an Excedrin as soon as I sat up as the headache is the thing that makes me feel the worst and if it turns migraine, then it’s so game over for me. I already had too many other things in my system to try and take promethazine for my nausea so I the Excedrin was the best I could do despite the fact that it has caffeine and I for sure wanted to try and go back to sleep.

After that I got up to take my temp and sure enough I had a low grade fever of 99.7. After laying back down for about five minutes the nausea got the best of me and I yakked up the contents of my stomach. That cheeseburger did not taste as good coming back up as it did going down. Ewwww. Throwing up made me feel a little better, as it always does and I grabbed a cool wash cloth for my face and went back to bed.

I was not sure how much of the Excedrin was absorbed into my blood stream I thought some might and did not want to take any more of that either so I just put that cloth on my face and tried to go back to sleep, which eventually I did. Thanks goodness.

I did toss and turn quite a bit and when 6:30AM came around I decided to get back up. The throat is better, the fever is gone, the nausea is gone and pretty much the only thing lingering is this headache.

I’m supposed to meet a new person for coffee today at 11:30 and when I woke up at 3 I thought, “no way that’s happening now”, but at this point, if I can squash my headache, it could still be in the cards for today. However, my weekly Sunday morning Jazzercise with Leah at 8:30 may still be out. It’s only 7:15 now so we’ll see.

Back to lay down a little longer now.
Exhausted,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-07-19 Finally Home

It’s not like the journey took us a long time, but arriving at midnight makes it seem that way. I had less sleep last night than the four or five previous days and immediately started unpacking and doing laundry as soon as I was up.

I’ve kind of been just going through the motions today, nothing too intense. I needed to get the kids back to their dad’s today and that was my number one priority. After that, I was free to do whatever and just tried to get back into my normal routine. Well, as normal as I can since I don’t have a job to return to. You know what the absolute best part is about coming back home from vacation when you don’t have a job? No mountain of email. No phone calls to return. No fires to put out. No backlog of requests from sales for time estimates. No angry customers or projects that have fallen behind or software issues that can’t be solved. It’s truly just magical.

This is the very reason I knew a simple vacation would not solve my problem or my woes. I know vacations can be stressful at times and with the kids along, it was often WORK to keep everyone happy and fed and not on the brink of meltdown, so jumping right from that kind of trip into the continuous adventure that actual work can sometimes be is not rejuvenating at all. However, sleeping in tomorrow and deciding what I would like to do with my day tomorrow when tomorrow arrives is bliss. That is the point. That is what I desperately needed and that is what I am taking for myself. It’s about time.

Right now I am listening to music and texting some people via Bumble off and on. I finished unpacking and the last of the laundry is in the dryer. It is nearing 10PM Omaha time (which is midnight on the West Coast), and it is the latest I have been awake in days. I may not have it in me to accomplish much more tonight. Perhaps a few pages of the new book I have been reading, but we shall see if I can even get to that.

Happy to Be Home,
~Miss SugarCookie