2017-06-15 Mid Month Moodiness

The last few days have been a struggle again. My emotions at work ran high yesterday and I have about a week left and I can’t quite figure out why I was letting things get to me. I woke up at 5AM yesterday and 5AM again today and something is stuck spinning in my brain. That has to be the reason I have not been able to fall back asleep, like I have been doing so well these last few weeks. In fact, until yesterday, my sleep was nearing the 8 hour average mark.

Yesterday I was ultra focussed on a few work items and alleviated the immediate pressure by scheduling a meeting with one of our executives.. the founder of the company and the person I have historically most often been coached by these past 5 years. He was one of those folks who was really tough to face when I resigned, but now that a few weeks have passed, I’ll be able to have a conversation and keep my composure.

I want to talk to him about the future state of the company and more specifically, my area and the roadmap of my product. I’m being very possessive, but that’s what happens after five years in the driver’s seat. I’m in a very odd position with an internal struggle between holding on and letting go. I think this conversation will help me. That’s going to happen next Monday. My last Monday working for a while.

Then there’s the Matt aspect (if you can call a person an aspect). Another struggle to let go. I believe the best thing for me would be not to communicate at all, but I am compelled to. I don’t pretend to understand my own behavior. Even in the last week, I’ve teared up a couple of times thinking about “us”, and then spontaneously texted two days ago with a question. I was really just wanting to say “hi”, but came up with a reason, so it would not seem so random. I don’t know why I can’t just let go.

I went to a show with my Friend Amy last night and after we went to Lot 2 for food and drinks. We both had a kale salad and split a cheeseburger That was a place Matt and I used to go to and split a cheeseburger. It made me happy and sad at the same time. The cheeseburger was not as good as I remember.

It is mid week, mid month, and mid life and I have to figure out how to snap out of this funk. It’s 7:15AM now and I’m already tired and wanting to go back to sleep. I’m wanting to go back to sleep and now is the time I should be waking up. That’s messed up.

Back to Bed?
~Miss SugarCookie

P.S. Today I am grateful for having events to look forward to in my future.

2017-06-11 Sunday Stats and Things Like That

I’ve been so focussed on the big things and the big picture and big changes that I have not been keeping up on my day to day/week to week analysis. It’s really about time to start digging back into the details and when it comes to details, stats (and things like that) are where it’s at.

Have I written about balance? Yes
Have I written about everything being connected? Yes
Have I concluded that being healthy starts with sleeping well? Yes, lots of times. All of the validation I need is within these few important items…

Sleep: Last 7 days average 7 hours and 39 minutes. 39 minutes above my unofficial goal. 😃

Exercise: 7 day average step count is 18,150. That’s 6K over my official goal of 12K per day and 3 K over my unofficial daily goal. 😃

I’ve been to 3 or 4 Jazzercise classes this week as well as multiple workouts at the gym and several walks in various parts of town (hence the stellar step count). 😃

Eating: This is the one area I feel I’ve sort of failed on as Ive given in to lots of cravings and eaten out a bunch. The scale is up a few lbs. and I want to try and figure out how to make a plan and stick to it. Of all the things, I think this will be the biggest challenge ahead of me.

For today though, I want to celebrate this success. Deep down in my heart I feel like I can attribute my sleeping better to the huge weight that has been lifted off me. I also feel like the fact that I am beginning to “let go” has given be back a little more time to focus on exercise, even though I’m not really done yet.

That celebration starts with enjoying the rest of my weekend. Monday will be here soon, so I am going to go now, and squeeze as much funday out of the rest of this Sunday as I can.

Cheers,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-06-03 The Sleep Success

It’s a beautiful morning and it’s going to be a glorious day. It’s Saturday and I woke up to 66 degrees of easy breezy sunshine. I decided to get a bit of a workout in before the kids wake up and will prolly also try to squeeze a Jazzercise dance Mixx set too.

Lunch with mom yesterday was good and she took the news of me quitting well. She’s pretty much supportive of me no matter what choices I make, so that’s nice. I told her I’m already sleeping better. I’m not even done working, yet knowing I’m not going to have to be responsible for everything I was accountable for in my position is such a relief.

I decided a week ago I was not going to take anything to aid my sleep anymore. And I’ve stuck to that. It’s been amazing that each day that goes by I’ve slept better and better.

My average this week is about 6.5 hours which is great considering I was sleeping on a couch in Denver for half those days. The last couple nights I’ve gotten almost 8 hours. No wonder I’m waking up feeling so wonderful,

I have a good feeling next week is going to be even better. I’m going to go for an average of 7.5. There are more factors that affect that besides waking up in the middle of the night with my mind spinning, trying to problem solve (or not, as the case is now). The other factor is my own choice of when to go to bed. I often choose to stay up late for one reason or another. So if I set a regular time to call it quits, that’s going to make a big impact.

I just need to continue to do the things I’m doing and I will be on the successfully sleepy train for good.
Continuing to get good workouts during the day will also help. On that note, I’d better get to it.

Cheers,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-06-01 Waking up Wonderful

Have you ever woke up feeling refreshed and happy? This morning I did, and it feels amazing. Yesterday was a rough one for sure, but I made it home and the kids tucked me in about 9:30 PM. (When I go to sleep before them, that’s what we do.)

I woke up around 5:30 AM and according to my trusty FitBit I had 7.5 hours of sleep. It was much needed. When I woke up I stretched and took a second to gauge how I was feeling. Much better than yesterday. My brain immediately kicked into gear, as it always does, thinking about all the things to do today. It was work first of course, but then Jazzercise, making sure Z get’s to her first day of summer PE ok, and watering flowers I bought but have not planted yet.

I went through my morning phone ritual as usual. I checked the times on Jazzercise classes. I checked the weather to help determine what I am going to wear to work today and I checked my meeting schedule.

I have a full day of meetings, but for the first time in a long time I am not bothered by that. I can truly start to let go of all the things that I will not be getting to and put the proper focus on what I am actually doing. A webex training session with a customer and a meeting with my boss plus more lab work for a new customer. Anything above and beyond that is icing on the cake.

The amazing part comes in when I roll over and lay on my stomach for a few minutes and think about what is to come. It’s freedom to be able to think about whatever you want to think about and not have the mind tied down by all the weight that has been a burden for so long.

I got up briefly to open the curtains and the window so I could see the sky get light as the sun comes up and hear the birds going through their own morning rituals. Then I nestled back into my bed to enjoy it for just a little longer. I’m so positive today is going to be a good day. I’m so happy to be feeling positive. THIS, my friends, is how you know you have made the right decisions.

Second Stretch, then Shower,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-05-14 Austin – It Just Keeps Getting Better

I woke up on Saturday after a glorious 9 hours of sleep. I can’t tell you when the last time it was I had 9 hours. Friday after work we went to a place called Stubbs which is an outside BBQ place where they not only serve drinks but also have a play are and play equipment for the kids to run around and climb on. It was a beautiful afternoon and the kids had fun and we had fun. There is nothing like that in Omaha and I think it’s brilliant. Someone should really create a business like that in Papillion.

After that we came back home and just kind of sat around some more chatting and they went through their normal bed time routine with the kids. It seems we got most of the “Miss SugarCookie” drama out of the way the first night, so the focus was more on politics and current events and things going on in their world. To be fair, I was so sleepy I don’t remember a ton about it. I was not sorry about hitting 9PM on a Friday and declaring I needed to go to sleep, and as parents of two young kids, I think they were fine with that.

I’m still sort of amazed I sleep so well here. The kids get up pretty early, but I don’t hear them. Even still, my kids are older and don’t really make any noise in the morning at all. My waking up at 3 or 4 or 5 is all mental I think. What is it about being here that is different? Maybe it is that I don’t have to cook or clean or plan or try and fit everything into a day. Whatever happens happens, and my brain knows that??

Saturday was pretty low key too. Jer cooked me breakfast in the morning and then he went off to grocery shop and pick Lance up from the airport and Rebecca took the kids to swim lessons. While all of that was going on, I walked the path in their back yard and did a lot of thinking while listening to Nick Jonas and Justin Bieber. I created a playlist for this trip, which includes the newest album from both those artists, among others, but their tunes seemed to come up in the shuffle the most. It was a lovely walk under the most brilliant blue sky ever. Not too hot and very therapeutic. I got in over 10K steps before they arrived back home.

I had to work for a little in the afternoon on a customer project whose database and application are being upgraded this weekend, but it did not take me much time at all and before too long, we were getting ready to head out for some adults only fun. We visited a winery called Hawk’s Shadow, which was way up in the hills outside of the city. The view was pretty far and after having a tasting of several of their selections we each chose a glass to sit and enjoy the view and conversation a little longer.

We caught Lance up on all my drama, and he’s officially joined what I am now calling my Austin Advisory Committee. Adding a third member makes sense in case someone is needed to break ties in any decision or advice being given. 😉 Really it is good for me to just have some validation of all the things I am thinking already. Some of the things that we discussed feel like no-brainers at this point, but some of the more sensitive things, having to do with my relationships, are tougher for me to agree on. My heart disagrees with my head where Matt is concerned, but I am on the inside looking out. They are on the outside looking in and for them, the course is clear on what I should be doing.

“Cut and Run”, is the advice. I’m going to have to think through that a little more. I know they are right, but thinking and doing are two different things completely.

As we were sitting and talking a few quotes from a movie I had never seen came up. “Talladega Nights”. Lance insisted that we watch that when we got back to the house, so that is what we did. I think I was perhaps the only one to stay awake for the entire show. Maybe Jer did too. It was a good show. I rarely watch movies, especially ones in that genre of humor, but I enjoyed it.

Today is Sunday and also Mother’s day and there is a full day of activity planned for the morning and into the afternoon. They are having a group of friends over to have brunch and celebrate, several things, not just Mothers day, but it will involve mimosas and a bounce house. Sounds like a winner to me. 😃

On that note, time to get out of bed and say good morning.
Cheers,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-05-03 It’s All a Blur

I’m talking about the last two days. I’m talking about the last two weeks. GAWD am I really talking about the last two years??!!

I’m currently typing this on my phone wile trying to manage 160 strides per minute on the elliptical machine at the gym. This.. THIS is multitasking. This is how I’m going to fit everything into my day that I want to do. Is this really the only way? 

My goal is to get 7 hours of sleep every single night. That’s the primary target. That is what I need to start. I knew this months ago, weeks ago, and now. It was working before and it can work again. I just need to focus on that. Everything else will start to fall into place. I am sure of it. 

After that.. it’s the same goal but without any assistance from otc or Rx meds. After that I re-evaluate and find the next target. What’s a realistic timeframe? Two weeks? I think so.

What’s the strategy? Sacrifice the extra time I’ve been putting into my job. I’m not going to get paid any more or less for what I do so when it comes to the bottom line with time.. that goes first. 

The other factor besides time are the unsolved problems in my life. Work (again), and my relationships. I have to let go of the animosity and hurt I’m feeling because I can’t change things. My brain wants these unsolvable problems solved and it’s stealing my sleep to do so. I need to take back control. I don’t know if that means meditation, or talking more with people, or really just giving up on the current job and relationships. I don’t know, but damn it all to hell, it’s gonna happen. 

That’s it for now. Let’s see if I can also post this to the site from my phone (still on the elliptical).

Sweaty and Determined,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-04-26 Phoenix – Day 5, And the Beat Goes On

Last night I fell asleep at 9:30 and this morning at about 4. Those doing the time math on that can clearly see that means I had 6.5 hours a sleep. It was absolutely necessary and it was AMAZING.

Never in my life did I think I would ever be so excited to have 6 and a half hours of sleep. Or that I would feel so great about it.

Today went much like yesterday and was a flurry of activity from start to finish. Several days in a row now I have not even had time to get any exercise and I’m starting to feel it. I’ve also not been eating well and I’m feeling that too.

It really would have been nice to come to Phoenix and actually see Phoenix, but I don’t think it is in the cards for this trip.

I also have not had time to write like I would want to and don’t really have that now either because I have to get back to working on items. I would say, more later but that would be a lie.

And on, and on, and on,
Miss SugarCookie