I stopped doing normal Sunday status updates because, well, the sleep still goes up and down, the exercise is pretty consistent, and there is nothing noteworthy about my dietary intake. I mean, how boring can one life be anyway? So today instead I’ll be reporting live from the front line of the dating war.
I would not call it a war if it felt like a pleasant rewarding experience at all. So far it has been so less than stellar.
I’ve updated my profile and pictures and bio no less than a dozen times and feel I have everything just the way I want it.
I’ve swiped left (left is thumbs down) on many, many dozens of peoples pictures. Sometimes it is because of their bio but most times it is their pictures.
I’ve also swiped right quite a bit. Perhaps up to 60 or 70. I’ve swiped so much I ran out of people to look at. Three times I have adjusted my target age range and distance to include more people and that was fun, because looking at profiles is mildly entertaining. I have since narrowed the distance because I am not really intending to date someone from Lincoln. It’s just too far.
Of those people, I have “matched” on about 40 people. That means they swiped right on me too. Hooray for my self-esteem.
With this Bumble app, once you match the girl has to initiate the conversation which means, I had to reach out and at the very least say “hi” via “text” to those people I matched on. Once you match you have like 24 hours to do that and if you don’t the match expires and you no longer have that opportunity. I’ve let about 5-10 matches expire without saying hello. Which means, I’ve initiated around 30 to 35 conversations.
My opener has been everything from a very generic “hello, how are you” to something I felt was witty based on their picture or profile. At first it kind of freaked me out saying something to a complete stranger, but then after a while I’ve learned not to take anything to seriously. As a general rule, if you are yourself and they like you, then yay for that. So I’m just being genuine.
After the conversation has been initiated, they have 24 hours to respond, and of those 30-35 people, all but about 3 or 4 responded in some way. This means that I have had back and forth text at least once with about 30 people.
I find it amazing how many people have just let the conversation drop after that initial exchange. I’m questioning what peoples motives are. I mean, why would you “get that far” and not at least ask a question or something? So strange. I’m more of the mindset that if someone texts me, I will just text them back, because there is no harm or foul in that communication. Some people have asked questions, and maybe decided they did not like my responses and that’s OK. Some people I’ve asked questions of and did not like their responses and that’s OK too. Those conversations just dried up quickly, but at least there was some reason or thought behind it.
So those are the preliminary stats. Now for the more meaningful stats…
Six first dates, one second date, and at the present moment only one person I would probably consider a relationship with.
Date 1: Sunday Sushi Lunch. Did not look like his picture and was not really my type.
Date 2: Weekday working lunch. Did not look like his picture and was not really my type.
Date 3 (Originally Mr. Fireworks, now just a dud): My type and the first date went really good (see the post on July 2nd for details). Good enough for a second date but after the second date he was not so into me and stopped communicating. I figured I’m not his type.
Date 4: Met in the park after work to chat, drink a beer, and play frisbee. This guy was cute and kind of my type but his personality really rubbed me the wrong way. He was a little too ADHD and kind of bossy and presumptuous or something. He texted me about 5 minutes after we parted ways and wanted to inquire about dating exclusively. Once I said no to that, he never responded again.
Date 5: Nice guy, good looking and kind of my type. Dinner went great (he was the first guy since Date 1 to actually pay for anything for me). The conversation was good/easy. In the end I was probably not in the right frame of mind or something. Afterward, I went to watch what was left of the sunset at Walnut Creek and sat there listening to music and crying. The evening made me think about Matt for some reason. How we met and how he was so into me and how I was so into him from the start. I want to feel that way about somebody and this just wasn’t it. I tried to picture myself with this person on a vacation or sitting at home making dinner or something and I just couldn’t. The whole thing just made me feel like dog-doo.
Date 6 (today): We met for coffee in Benson and I got the time wrong and was like half an hour late. So out of character for me. He was handsome and fit and wonderful to talk to. I really could have stayed for much longer chatting but he had to get back home. We exchanged numbers and he did respond to the text I sent him after so I hope that is a good sign. I felt much more positive after the time we spent together than my date last night, but I don’t want to be too hopeful or seem too desperate so I’m just going to let him reach out to me again. If he does, that’s great. If not, well that will be another blow to my ego.
After all this, I have done some analysis (of course) and come to a few very important conclusions.
– I really am in this for finding a partner for the long term. I’m not built for casual dating or seeing multiple people. I can’t help but think strategically about the big picture and really want to find that right person so we can build a life together.
– I really, really want someone who wants me. I need someone to pursue me and not be wishy-washy. I need someone who is a good communicator and is responsive. I sort of knew these things before, but my experience with this so far has solidified these truths in my mind. I may be easy-going, but I very much need certain things and those are absolutes.
– I have a type. There is a look, or look+personality that I am drawn to and a few of these guys are fine people, nice people, hard workers, good citizens, but just not my type. I’m learning what that is and also how to politely tell someone that they are not my type. Telling someone something they don’t want to hear is a good skill to have, I suppose.
I’m a little disappointed in bumble in general and unless some of those conversations spark back up and someone actually asks me out on a date (5 of the 6 were initiated by me), then I’m just going to move the app off my home screen and not really look at it or do anymore swiping.
This has been a bit longer than I originally intended but I guess I had a lot to say about it. Tomorrow the kids come back and I have to admit with not feeling well and not accomplishing much this weekend I am not really ready.
Hopefully I will have a more restful sleep tonight, even if whatever this sickness I have continues to linger.
So Much for Sunday,