2018-04-24 Achtung Baby

I put my iPhone on master shuffle to see what the Universe thinks I should be inspired by. “Even Better than the Real Thing” by U2 apparently.

Hey.. isn’t that song like 30 years old? There’s nothing like THAT coming up in the shuffle of 1000+ songs I have on my personal electronic pocket computer in the year 2018. It doesn’t make me feel old, though, just a reminds me of an earlier time. The only thing even better that might be the actual “Real Thing”. 😜

Seriously though.. that song was one that my dear un-departed ex-husband put on a mixtape he made for me in the early days of our courting. It was my introduction to U2 and I’ve been a fan ever since. (Of U2, not my ex).

***

I stopped typing for a little bit there to think about life, and just like that I’ve blown right past the BNL (Bare Naked Ladies) and landed on Blue October. I guess that’s how life goes sometimes. How on earth did I miss all those years going by and land in 2008? It’s not a typo, 2008 was the year of Blue October and the event that I would later call my own personal “Punctuated Equilibrium”.

If that wasn’t enough to convince me that the Universe is a “Real Thing” (with a cosmic sense of humor), the next selection is “Song for the Road” by David Ford. The one and only and there’s no other connection for reference to my Simply Vera Era that is stronger than that (except Mr. A to the Z). The first time I heard it, we were riding in his black Jeep along 144th street to somewhere.. I don’t remember where. Where isn’t important when the song is so good it makes you cry. Of course he was playing it and thinking about another girl. His “one that got away”. I didn’t even know her, but I wasn’t a fan. Her hair was more red than mine and that is all I knew.

I wasn’t even a book in his life between two iconic book ends, I was merely a chapter. Thin pages with a few words about tennis and tv shows, good food and great conversation. And that not-meant-to-be podcast “for or against”. It had some clever name I don’t recall. Do you remember that?

The girl he was with after me was someone my closest friends and I nicknamed “The Wildcard”. She was some shade of crazy I never knew existed and I don’t think I’ll ever know if it was love that made her crazy or if she was like Lady Gaga and “Born that way”. It’s ok though, I let go of caring about that years ago.

I actually saw her at a funeral for the mom/aunt of a pair of mutual friends of ours in 2016. I didn’t recognize The Wildcard right away that day because of her long blonde hair, which I think was her natural color. Her hair was black when I met her and she died it clown red to try and become a closer proximation to what SV was looking for. I’d never dye my hair for any man. I might take motorcycle lessons and tennis lessons and force myself into awkward social situations but my hair is sacred.

Well well, what do you know – An appearance by MRAZ.. how appropriate. I wonder if the Universe is standing behind me on this elliptical machine and reading what I’m writing. No, that’s too physical. When you are omnipresent, you don’t have to stoop to such levels. The song in play right now is “Life is Wonderdul”. It’s all about the contrast between opposing things and the idea that we can’t truly know one thing without the other.

Thinking about this makes me happy. It’s explaining away all the bad things. We wouldn’t truly know sound without silence, we would not know the warmth of the sun without the long cold winter. I wouldn’t recognize the sunrise if there was no dark of night. I can look back at my life and all the bad things are softer in the light of this philosophy. The song is brilliant. “It takes a toll to make you care”. My dues have been paid and I’m ready to collect.

Coming up to the end of my time here now and I am not surprised that the Universe has done it again. For its final play of the set, we have Fall Out Boy singing “Thnks fr th Mmrs”.

“Thanks for the Memories?”. How appropriate. There is a Fall Out Boy CD that reminds me of another time in my life, but the cannon of their music has extended beyond that and now I can’t help but just enjoy it as one of my favorite groups. They actually called me up earlier this year and asked me to come to their show in Lincoln this fall. To which I replied “I would be happy to”.  I will be happy too.

Times Up. Rewind. Replay.
Achtung Baby,
~Miss SugarCookie

Advertisements

2018-03-01 Part 3 – The Hangover

When we last left our fateful hero’s, they were staring down at the bottom of a bottle of wine, with empty glasses in hand. Their fingers were on the keyboard possitioned and ready for brilliance to flow as easily from them as the cheap wine that had just played out a most impressive disappearing act.

But the words were elusive. As it turns out, at least in this case, drunk texting is easier than poetry. Channeling Mayer again and taking my own advice, I said what I needed to say. No regrets right?!

There was a brief exchange and then, according to my FitBit, I was in bed asleep by 10:08PM. Yes.. my life is that exciting.

I was urged awake l just after midnight by a buzz on my wrist frim that very same FitBit, letting me know I was getting a call. It was HL. Knowing that being awake at that time meant an inilabulity to fall back asleep, I promptly returned his call.

My head hurt so I walked about my house getting water and OTC meds for that as I engaged him in conversation. He had just arrived home from a night out drinking with a friend. Way less lame than my drinking alone sitting in my office with only my cat and my laptop to keep me company.

It had been a while since we talked so we had a brief catch up session. I recounted the circumstances and events surrounding the end of my relationship with Simon. He filled me in with details about a new girl he’s seeing. It’s not a competition, but my story was more entertaining than his. It stands to reason though, I’ve had a loner time to find humor in mine and everyone knows the ends of relationships are way more interesting than beginnings.

We talked for maybe an hour or so. I’m not really sure because I couldn’t sleep after that and got up and was up for a while. I humored my left brain by making a few lists on my new white board (yes, I just could not resist). My right brain was still stumped by the problem it’s been struggling with.

This is, specifically, how to write a poem about the idea I had a few days ago about that Violent Femmes song, “Outside the Palace”. If you are playing along, this was explained in Part 2.

Here’s a fun fact… I’m supposed to avoid cliche phrases, metaphors, and overused topics in my writing. Really? Really.

At residency I learned a ton of things and one of those things, although seemingly not a big deal, is quite a discussion. It has to do with using things that are overused and therefore considered cliche. If you subscribe to this rule you would not ever use the following in any writing: The heart, Soul, sun moon, flowers, mothers, fathers, any sort of weather, the ocean…. Theres way more, but you get the idea. I will probably stumble upon them sometime in the future by way of some constructive criticism because I employ these in my writing often.

I may be repeating myself , from days or weeks ago, and if so I apologize in advance.

One of the mentors at Residency actually said in workshop in response to another student’s work, which made a reference to the moon.. “Don’t ever do that. EVER”. She (the faculty) was very emphatic about her point and pontificated about it for a a few minutes. Later that day the girl who was subject to that criticism and I laughed about it over a glass of wine. But apparently it struck a chord with me because here I am 2 months later and still thinking about it.

Counter to that was another faculty member who actually gave a lecture about the use of “flowers” among other things in writing and he argued that there was still a place for it, in some cases. I swear over half of my poetry is about broken hearts, flowers, and philosophy of life and I really appreciated that lecture. It felt like some sort of validation. Even if the result is juvenile and will not be taken seriously. If I am not writing what I think and feel then why am I writing?! It brings up a good question, which is “Who am I writing for?”

The faculty member who gave that lecture is now my mentor for this semester. I have not brought up this subject yet in our correspondence, because there has not been a need and I have somewhat avoided submitting anything that would be a blatant direct violation of the “cliche rule”. Haven’t I? Maybe. Probably not. Again, half of my poems use some common metaphor or overused phrase so it is highly likely something like that was in what I’ve submitted. Who cares anyway, this is not really my point. What was my point again?

Oh yeah, the song.. which contains, in its chorus both the moonlight and the dawn.

The question that came to my mind yesterday, which is why the cliche topic is on the tip of my brain, was how is a person to distinguish the moonlight from the dawn. And how can I ever hope to fashion a poem from this thought when I have to invoke both the moon and the sunrise? How is one supposed to talk about those two things without actually mentioning them?

Am I supposed to find something else that equates to the moon? Some other celestial body that gives off light but is not the moon. The sun is off limits, the stars are off limits, and the other planets don’t emit light. You know what else does not give off light? EVERYTHING!! If I said “light bulb” well, that just doesn’t do my feelings justice. Not enough weight and it makes people think of ideas not some mysterious, shining orb in the sky. Seriously.

I tried “Yin” as a substitute. I guess that’s ok, but it is kind of obscure and people might not get it. Even if I figured that out, the next problem is right behind it… the dawn. Even tougher. Whatever.

So I might have to give up on that one which is kind of a shame but it’s not like there are 10 more right behind begging to be written.

I think being up in the middle of the night, drinking water and milling about my house actually saved me from having a hangover this morning. Thanks HL!

He urged me to not give up on Bumble, but I’m fairly certain that’s the right thing to do now. He suggested that I widen my net by also being on match and eharmony and also to not take any of it too seriously. That last bit is where I think my problem is. I can’t seem to help the daydreams and fantasies.

It’s just part of my nature. And why would I want to change that? Who am I living this life for anyway? Just like that question about my writing.. the answer is me. So I shouldn’t really worry too much about writing about the moonlight because the rules only apply if you care what other people think.

Perhaps I should give that poem another try.

But first.. time go go make some $$$. It’s the first of the month and First National and Capital One are knocking on my door.

Covered in Moonlight,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-02-24 Look Who Just Showed Up

Procrastination

From deep within a three week slumber
With first a slow and sleepy lumber
The monster moves, now cocks his head,
Instilling thoughts of sudden dread

And In the wake of Panic’s stare
I also wake, acutely aware
Long days and nights I’ve been remiss
Choosing something other than this.

***

I just couldn’t help myself there. That’s the nature of poetry sometimes. It just shows up and when it does, it’s like, BAM, you thought you might do something else with that little bit of time but (and with a finger wag) it say’s “you won’t”. Just add that to my growing left brain list bearing the title “Why Poetry”.

In this poem I’m referring, of course, of our beloved and sometimes long hibernating panic monster. A few days ago I was thinking about how I haven’t made much progress on revisions or reading my assigned materials. I really was thinking I had a few weeks to go before the next packet is due. Then I looked up the schedule. I was wrong.

One week.. and that was 2 days ago. So now I have 5 days to finish everything. I have made some progress but not enough to equate to 4 weeks of work. Where did those days/weeks go??!

So I guess that’s what I’m doing with my weekend. The good news is that I have no other plans so I should be able to dedicate a lot of time to what I need to do. That’s the positive side of having a slim social life right now.. not a lot of other things consuming my time. I think it will also help that there is a lull at work right now and literally nothing for me to do again. Aside from “running the household” I can focus solely on this and hopefully knock it out in just a few days.

Last night I did have a commitment to keep (happily) to go watch my friend Amy play in her band at a bar. The band is called Dirt House and they are picking up traction in the metro area. The singer is somewhat like Sara Bareilles and plays keyboard and she’s backed up by a very good pop/rock sound with guitar and drummer and then my dear friend on the violin. Superb! The bar was an OK venue but either their sound system was garbage or the guy running it was. I’m guessing the guy running it because when I wandered over to that area, the board was pretty sophisticated. He was acting as if he was paying attention and making constant adjustments yet oblivious to the negative feedback and also the drums being way to loud and drowning out the voice of the singer. Duh! At one point Amy’s husband came to stand beside me and he was looking at the sound guy like he was about to knock him out so I know it wasn’t just me.

Amy had a whole crew of people there to support her including her friends and family and I was really glad about that because I went alone and would not have known anyone there otherwise. As soon as I walked in, one of the women I met at her wedding urged me over to sit with them at their table and that was a huge relief. For the life of me I could not remember her name and felt incredibly stupid about that, but it worked out OK because it never came up, and I can ask Amy later without feeling so stupid.

Anyway.. I really wanted to get this in because I’ve not posted in a couple days and it might be a couple more before I am able to write again since I’ll be heads down in my MFA work. Now that the Panic Monster has officially arrived, I need to feed the beast. Oh the woes of procrastination.

I don’t know if the ideas in the Ted talk I watched about procrastination were original, but that’s where the Panic Monster originated for me. It’s a great talk and definitely worth 14 minutes of one’s life.. especially if you are among the mass majority of people who operate on principles of procrastination. Tim Urban: Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator

Time to Write (Something Else),
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-02-11 Just a Times New Roman Girl with an Affinity for Starting Fires

Most of the time when I start to write, I’m writing about what happened yesterday or today or what might happen tomorrow. It’s my current stream of consciousness thats pouring out my fingertips and sometimes I know where I want to start and where it will end and sometimes I have no idea. If I know, then I already have a title in mind but if I don’t know or as I write it turns and goes a whole different direction, I go back and think of a new title when I’m done.

Today I am compelled to write about something because of what I read when I woke up in the middle of the night last night. As I laid in my bed, I did what I am sure all single girls do when they can’t sleep.. I checked Slack, and email, and social media (not necessarily in that order). There was a notification in my email in-box for a new post from a friend of mine which I always enjoy reading.

Contrary to my droning on and on about my life and times in the here and now, his posts are mostly historical accounts of his life. It’s funny how you can be friends with someone and chat them up about current events and maybe never really know them. I talk too much, I’m sorry.

Things revealed about a persons past are very telling. They are a major contributing factor to who that person is today because if they didn’t go through all that stuff, they would be different. Their lives would be completely different and maybe that means you never would have met them at all. It’s a concept that is little too twisted to contemplate for long but it is a factor none the less. We could dwell in the “what if” world when thinking about the past, but that’s not productive either so probably the best thing we can do is stop once and a while to acknowledge it out of respect and recognize those moments that played a part in making us who we are.

So this post is a head nod at little bits of my own past, so I can read what I wrote when I am 75 and remember…

I’ve been journaling and writing poetry since about 7th or 8th grade but I also really liked burning candles and starting fires. We moved a lot when I was a kid because my parents were divorced and my mom was quite swayed by her relationships and most of the time when we moved it was because of that.

She dated and married a guy and we moved into his house. She divorced him and we moved out. She got a better job and bought a house. She dated another guy and we moved into his house. They got married and bought a house together and we moved again. That was all in the span of about 5 or 6 years. My Jr. High and High School years.

One of the houses we lived in had a real fireplace which I thought was pretty much the bomb. Of all the houses we lived in, that one was my favorite (it was also the only one that was in-between marriage 2 and 3 where no boyfriend or husband was involved). There were four of us kids so my option, as a freshman in high school, was to either share a room with my two sisters (8 and 1 years old), or live in the sun room. I chose to live in the sun room. It was less like a porch and more like an addition to the house and the room had nice carpet and windows and came complete with both a stand up piano and an organ left by the guy we rented the place from. I couldn’t play, but I thought it was super cool anyhow. That room was my sanctuary and where I did a LOT of writing. It’s also where I burned a lot of candles.

Back then I didn’t have the foresight to recognize how important that writing would be to me. I was an emotional teenager who struggled in the silence of my own little world because my parents were too preoccupied by their own agendas which didn’t really include us much. I didn’t really rely on my friends much for the heavy stuff either probably because I didn’t think they would understand. In 10th grade I connected with Stacey who I knew did. She was a year younger than I was and in band. I feel compelled to write about that relationship too, but it deserves way more than just a tangent here.

Anyhow, I wrote hundreds of pages in notebooks to work through everything. It was journaling, poetry, even short stories. The main characters in those stories were always teenage girls who were suicidal. I wasn’t, but maybe that’s because I had that outlet to release those kinds of thoughts. I don’t know.

I lost most of what I wrote back then to the fire. Not like a house fire or anything as dramatic as that. It was fires I would start in our fireplace on Saturday nights when I was babysitting and my mom was out on dates. I’d have an emotional moment and get pissed off at my life and throw those pages into the fire. So… poof.. they literally went up in smoke.

That went on until we moved into the house of the man who would become my moms 3rd husband. He didn’t have a fireplace and he had really strict rules. I hated him.

I eventually had to leave because of that. Or I got kicked out.. I don’t really remember.

Can you imagine kicking out your eldest daughter, who didn’t drink or party or hang out with the wrong people? A girl who was in honors classes and excelled at school and was into cheer and drama and choir? No.. me neither, but that was the situation. It’s probably because I stopped babysitting when I finally started dating and coming home after curfew.

I know my mom regrets all that very deeply now, but at the time that is what she chose. It may have been for the best though because that man was willing to take my infant sister as his own and help raise her. She turned out really great and is now a shining light in my life and one of my best friends. So I’m glad she had a father. See.. that’s a case for something rotten that I went through, yet my life is better for it.

Here’s a few more relevant facts for posterity…

1. My favorite childhood movie was The Dark Crystal by Jim Henson, it’s superb.

2. My favorite movie as an adolescent was Dead Poets Society. Yes really.

3. My favorite movie in my 20’s was Shawshank Redemption.

4. Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay will forever be the song that reminds me of the day my 17 year marriage officially came to an end.

5. My favorite font is Times New Roman.

6. I still like to start fires and having a real fireplace was a prerequisite when I bought the house I live in now. I never use my pages as kindling and almost everything I write now is electronic.

I think that’s enough looking back now. Time to turn around and look today in the eye.

Let’s Do This Sunday Thing,

~Miss SugarCookie

PS. 45,000+ songs is a shit ton!! I thought my 7k was a lot! If you like Smashing Pumpkins and don’t know Silversun Pickups, check them out. I highly recommend. 😊

2018-02-03 New Music Saturday

It’s Saturday morning and I’ve got new Taylor Swift in my ear. Her music isn’t for everyone of course, but I’m pretty convinced she wrote a few singles on this one just for me. The album “Reputation” is very tri-polar. 1/3 is drama fueled by her constant battle with some of what has transpired because of her fame and other famous people, presumably. 1/3 is love songs written 1st person about her ‘baby’. 1/3 is songs about ended relationships.

Quite honestly the ones they selected for radio play are by far not my favorites. In fact, when “Look what you made me do” first got air, I really disliked it. The thing that turned that one around for me was the routine that Jazzercise put together for it. It’s full of leg, and punching, and kicking. That’s my jam!

I’m a firm believer in listening to an album start to finish in the intended order. I’m positive that someone, somewhere (hopefully the artist) put a lot of thought into the arrangement of the songs. Like the whole album is a story to be told and there might be a rise and climax and conclusion. Each song is a chapter in the story.

Back before dirt was invented, we had records. People listened to A side, start to finish and then maybe A side again or maybe B. Tapes were the same way. I never had records, and I only had a few tapes and I didn’t really “get into” any kind of music until late in high school.

Among the first tapes I had just because People bought me them for a gift were: Madonna, Cindy Lauper, the soundtrack to Footloose, and Michael Jackson.

Among the first tapes I bought for myself were The Bangles, Genesis, REM, and the Violent Femmes. The Femmes were on repeat much of my Sr. Year in HS and was a favorite of several of my friends too but when left to my own devices, I would gravitate back to Phil Collins and Genesis. I liked them so much I spent precious dollars on three or four tapes. (I didn’t work by choice and never had any money).

That was the era of radio, boomboxes, and mixtapes. I used to sit in bed listening for them to play something I wanted to “own” and then hit record when it came on. We were all pirates back then and nobody cared.

I loved my boom box. It played tape, radio, and CD and had a “bass boost” button for the serious jams. I still have it. The CD player doesn’t work but the tape player still does, so if I ever get real nostalgic (which is rare) I could have another listen to all those early favorites. And yes, I still have the tapes too.

I still have the mix tape my first boyfriend made for me before he left for the military. I ended up marrying him. We had 2 kids and eventually divorced after 18 years together. I’m still grateful for him introducing me to new music.

Every person I meet brings their favs with them and that’s typically how I end up liking so many things. I’m still a top 40s girl at heart, but there’s a wide world of wonderful out there and it’s hard to sort through unless you have a guide. I have a special place in my heart for all my guides… including my exes.

I guess Simon and I never really dated after all or I’d have something to remind me of him. 😉 I don’t. Maybe that should be on my list of check boxes as I look for a new person.

Be kind and thoughtful. ✅
Have a sense of humor. ✅
Be healthy and active. ✅
Have your shit together. ✅
Take an interest in what I have to say. ✅
Don’t bring me cut flowers. ✅
Bring some music to the table. ✅

How hard can it be to find that? I’m sure Taylor has something to say about it. I’m inside round 2 on running through this new CD and I can’t detect any story arch. Maybe people don’t care about the order of songs anymore. Maybe it’s all about making .99 or 1.29 on a single track or just streaming things in any order. That’s a shame.

Here’s top pics so far: 1) Getaway Car 2) New Years Day 3) Delicate. They are all love songs.. such a shocker. I’m still not super jazzed about the angry-girl trying to be badass making a statement to people who have wronged her. I think it’s awesome she’s able to capitalize on that nonsense drama. I wish I could capitalize on my own nonsense drama.

Until then, I’ve got laundry and food prep for the next couple of days to do. My life is so exciting. 😜

Heads Up Seven Up,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-01-30 Taking a Byte of the Big Apple 🍎

First of all.. (and I’m gonna make this beginning side comment quick so I can get to something more pressing on my mind).. today I’m doing a happy dance because I turned in my very first MFA packet two whole days early. Woot woot!

How am I going to celebrate? I’d love to say with a cheeseburger and some dark chocolate but I’ve got 8 more days of this Whole 30 nonsense before I can indulge in that stuff again. Blarg!

Secondly.. This is a rather LONG rant about Apple and iTunes which probably has no value to anyone but me – read at your own risk…

I’ve spent a lot of time these past 2 or 3 days fixing my iTunes library that I completely had to rebuild from scratch. It was Apple’s fault of course and I’m going to stand behind that statement. Here’s why…

I’ve always synced my iPhone to my iTunes library on my laptop. ALWAYS. I have a ton of music. In my collection I’ve got CDs ripped from before iTunes even existed, music purchased from iTunes, and music that’s been acquired from the internet. It’s literally a crap ton. As such, not all of it fits on my iPhone. I’ve always used the option to sync with a specific set of artists, albums, and playlists checked. It’s worked like this for years. Until a few days ago.

I’ve been wanting a few newer CDs that came out in 2017 and last week I bought them. Quite honestly, I’ve always hated the model Apple has for acquiring music and organizing it in a library. You buy it from them, at basically an equivalent price as out in the wild, but you don’t really own it. What you own is the right to downloaded it from them for life. This locks you into iTunes and their devices.

Now I’m kind of a tech geek and I am well aware that there are methods and programs available to get around this funny business, but it shouldn’t be that tough. As a user, I just want a simple interface that lets me have that music, and manage it in my own way on my computer and phone. I’d be happy with a program that lets me rip the CD and then I’m the master of the organizational file system. But that poses so many complications with Apple.

I have stuck with Apple products because they do most everything else in a far superior fashion. It’s just one or two things that I really can’t stand and I’ve lived with it so far.

Anyway, I bought CDs because I like to own the music I’ve purchased and though I’m also a freak about backing things up, I see it as the ultimate backup/recovery option. On Saturday I started ripping my new tunes (and yes, using the iTunes utility to do so).

After that, the next step was to sync with my phone and get that music moved over. That’s when it all went wrong. It immediately popped up with a prompt question indicating that that my phone has never been synced with this iTunes library before and all the music on my phone will be replaced. What?

Normally this would not be a problem but I spent a little bit of time rebuilding my iTunes library in December to get rid of a lot of garbage taking up space. Yeah, that’s my other problem, low space on my Mac Air. But I know I have music and playlists on my phone I didn’t want to lose. When you’ve spent hours building playlists, you don’t want that to disappear.

I exported the playlists and stored them on my Mac. I also backed up my phone AND my iTunes to my external drive for good measure. The playlists are easy.. it’s the individual songs that are tough. I have all of them, but there are potentially hundreds and hunting for them would be a nightmare.

After spending time on forums and sites for potential alternate solutions.. I decided it was going to be tough no matter what approach I took. Either I was going to lose music from my phone or I was going to lose music from my library.

In hindsite, it would have been easier to use a program to copy the iPhone content to my laptop and just re-import it into iTunes but I didn’t think of that. Instead I decided to start from scratch. I’m talking from scratch-scratch and clean all of it up and suffer the consequences. I deleted my iTunes library (or what I thought was my iTunes library).

Once it was gone, I opened up iTunes again expecting to see an empty list. What I was presented with instead was a short list of albums and songs available for download. Most of it, I didn’t recognize. That’s when I realized I wasn’t operating on MY iTunes library, it was my daughters Apple account. Ugh!!!!!

The fact that this is NOT obvious from the interface is garbage! It should have prompted me somewhere in the process that it was “so and so’s account’ and did I really want to continue to sync with that. For holy hell!!

So I signed out of her account and signed into mine and low and behold, there are all MY purchases ready for re-download. Great. Too bad the damage had already been done.

Despite having access to two accounts, iTunes only stores one copy of the media on the back end. Or at least was the case here because I only have one iTunes folder in my music on my Mac. Doesn’t matter. I had deleted it and now had to re-import from backup copies. So painful.

The core set is easy, it just takes time. The devil is really in the details.

So I imported about 4000 songs based on artist and album and also imported those playlists that I had saved off. I would say about half the songs were not found in my library so Apple just truncated the playlist in ITunes and removes the unfound items from the playlist. Stupid! Now if I want to re import those songs and add them back to the list, I have to read the XML files created during export. Thanks Apple.

After this, I had to be satisfied for the moment and just synced my phone with the new iTunes which also takes time. It was missing a ton of stuff but that would have to be ok because believe it or not, I had other shit I had to do. (Cough cough.. MFA deadline!)

Yesterday I was back to the step of ripping the new music and now have those CDs in my library and on my phone and in a new playlist. Check. ✅ I was then  back to where I was last week minus probably hundreds of songs. Again, I have them all in my archives so I can hunt and import them again but – “ain’t nobody got time for that”.

Side rant.. ripping CDs into iTunes is also garbage. Now days, every artist has songs that “feature” other singers and they handle this so poorly. With the import you basically have two options..

1. Import the album as-is and it catalogues it with the album name but under an artist called ‘Various Artists’. So you have a ton of albums under this folder and it doesn’t recognize P!nk as P!nk to keep her album under her artist folder. Stupid.
2. -or- Import the album with the checkbox for various artists unchecked and it imports the CD into two different “albums”, one with most of the songs under the main artist and one with the other songs in a new folder for both artists. Also stupid.

I went with option 2 but this just deepens my case for wanting to manage my own folders and files.

Right now I’m listening to my favorite workout playlist which is sadly missing content, but fixing that is just going to have to wait.

Wow.. that’s a long rant!! I’m sure the only person that cares about all of this is me but writing through it, I feel better and have recognized several errors of my ways that could have been avoided. That’s really what matters. Right?!

Another Day, Another Dollar,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-01-24 Why Poetry

I’m in the car this morning navigating the ice rink that is the high school parking lot. I was dodging teenagers and their Pontiacs and late model Cadillacs and somehow maintaining my positive disposition despite my daughters insistance on fighting with me about a 5 minute discrepancy in our schedules.

I’m only half listening to her because there’s a Soundgarden song on with lyrics that are speaking directly to my soul. My mind is thinking about poetry.

At Residency, the second most asked question (besides who my favorite poets are), was “Why poetry”. Nobody has ever asked me that before. My gut response then was “because it’s always been Poetry”, but that doesn’t really explain it and so I’ve been thinking about the question ever since.

As a part of my course of study I’m reading texts and collections of poems by famous poets and also googling things of interest that are related to see what someone outside that sphere of influence has to say about things. Here and there I am gathering bits and pieces of “Why”. Due to the demand of organization required by my left brain, I’ve been keeping a list. Every time I feel I’ve discovered another reason, I write it down.

When I began to listen to the lyrics of “Halfway There”, there was something about it that vibrated within me. Not any one word, but the arrangement culminating in an interpretation that bounced around inside of me and created ripples of thought.

As I let the waves take over, everything else began to fade into the distance. My daughters voice became muted. In my peripheral vision, I could tell by her movements, she was still speaking but I couldn’t hear it. All I could hear were the vibrations from “Should a good life be so hard won / is that what our dreams have become.”

My daughter got out of the car and refused to respond to me as I said “Have a great day. I love you”. I’m used to that by now.

As I pulled out of the parking lot I hit the rewind button so I could listen from the beginning.

I wondered, as I encountered the first 4 way stop if I could say what Soundgarden had said any better. The arrangement of those words flirting with perfection in my ears. I rounded the next corner and concluded that any form of imitation or rework of the same subject would fall so far away from the original and result in complete failure.

I pulled into my driveway and allowed the song to finish and kept the car running long enough to hear what the Universe had chosen for my next song.

It was “Lurgee” by Radio Head. Oh the mystery and mastery of the omniscient. Well played.

I want to write lyrics that not only heighten my sense of being and elicit recollections of feeling, but perhaps also to shine a light on something bright enough to move others to also see it and feel it with me. This is not coming from a place of ego. It’s a genuine desire to channel my endless empathy into something worthwhile.

In order for me to do this, I have to get out of my ‘I Thought’, and commit to gaining a deeper understanding of the universe, Earth, and all forces at work on a random Wednesday morning in a High School parking lot. Based on what I know now, I have a long way to go.

I need to study my craft and fine tune my senses with experience. And it needs to be Poetry because that’s what was placed inside of me before birth. It’s thousands of thoughts waiting to be brought to life on the page with a syntax and vocabulary and rhythm that sing when read outloud or in the mind, touching the deepest part of one’s soul.

It’s the best answer to the question I’ve come up with yet to “Why Poetry?”. Time to go add that to the list.

Happy Hump Day!
~Miss SugarCookie