I’m still trying to get over whatever illness took over my body a few days ago. Some slightly annoying symptoms that will not seem to go away. Not enough to keep me from doing stuff, but bad enough to make me just not want to do stuff. I haven’t been at the gym for a few days now and my focus has been on work stuff and relationship stuff and everything seems to be on tilt.
And somewhere along the way, my daily blog has become a thing I’ve relied on my gym time for. This wasn’t how things were when I started over a year ago. I used to just carve out some time during the day, morning, afternoon, night, and sit down and write. When I discovered that I could actually type and do my elliptical at the same time, the game changed.
That time-saving, multi-tasking event has become a staple in my daily life. I would go in the mornings almost daily seven days a week and that’s where I would “do my time”, so to speak. I’ve gotten so good at it, and so used to it, that when I don’t go to the gym, I start missing days writing. The other thing that happens is that when I’m on some piece of exercise equipment and am not reading or writing (or talking to someone), I get incredibly bored and can barely stand to do it.
I tried to do the elliptical machine at residency at the hotel and that machine was not only hard, so I had to work extra hard, it wasn’t easy to balance and so I couldn’t really write. It was SOOOOO boring. Even listening to music, I would look down at my fitbit and it seemed like the steps were so slow to come. I’m sure I was actually getting a better workout, because I was working up more of a sweat, but it was a challenge to keep going.
This morning I felt well enough and did maybe half what I would normally do, but I was talking while I was on the machine and so not typing. Now as I sit here, it’s kind of amazing to me how much faster I can write on a keyboard than my phone. Strange what things one can forget.
I mean, normally when I am working on poetry, its short sentences and lots of thinking in between what I am doing so there is no need to type fast, but I can crank out paragraph after paragraph of my “stream of consciousness” thoughts in not time on this laptop. How could I have forgotten?!?
It’s been 6 weeks since the day I met JS and neither one of us had commitments this weekend so we’re planning on spending a lot of time together and I am really looking forward to that. We’re also getting some strange, really gross weather here right now and I’m hoping that does not interfere with our plans. Even if it does, I feel like we’ll do just fine sitting somewhere having a hot tea, watching the snowfall. I don’t know the last time it snowed this late in the year or temps dipping low enough for it to snow, but it does happen. That’s why I never plan on planting anything in the garden until May.
Mother’s day is the cutoff for that. After that, then it’s time to get to work and let me tell you, I am so ready for that change. To be honest, it’s kind of like this whole relationship thing. I have been ready for a change for a long time and this just feel so right. Everything in my insides tells me we are going to be great together. I’m so hopeful and positive and it does not seem to matter what the topic is, we can talk about anything and it’s so easy.
You know, you don’t get to be my age without going through some shit. I’ve had some.. everyone has. But things are so much easier when you have 1). Someone in your corner to talk to. 2.) Someone to be in your corner on things and help and support. 3.) Someone who cares. I’ve been missing that for a very long time.
Sure family and friends care, but they aren’t with you every day to lean on. It’s like I might have a meet-up with a family member or friend and it’s so great to talk and to ping ideas off off and do validation checks on things I’m thinking just to make sure I’m not crazy, but it’s on a whole new level when you have someone to talk to every day, and they know the backstory and you can trust that they will be there for you. Family and friends go back to their own lives, and I might not talk to them for weeks or even months, some people less than that. Having JS to talk to everyday has been another game changer already and I just never knew what I was missing. It’s incredible.
He’s incredible. He’s an incredible person. And I’m getting very attached and somehow am starting to see the future and can’t imagine my life without him in it. I know he feels the same way. I know it, because he’s told me. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or next week or a month from now, but I hope we can continue to grow together. I’ve fallen. I’ve fallen hard. I can’t imagine a scenario where he tells me it’s not going to work out. My confidence level is high now. I’ve been so ready for this change for so long. It’s definitely time for spring!
On that note.. time to go now, get ready for whatever we decide to do next.
(I don’t care that it is going to snow today)
Bring the Spring!!