2018-05-29 Transition Tuesday

Back home after the holiday now and time to dive back into the other lifestyle. I haven’t been to the gym in about a week and I basically unplugged from work for over a day. A whole day.. wow. That’s so necessary.

Even though I’m not working hours like I used to I am still working almost every day. I’m the main support person and that requires just a smidge of effort each day. I also seem to find myself working with people who also work all the time and it’s sometimes a challenge to set boundaries when that happens.

A few times over the weekend I put in hours testing and documenting for yet another mid-sprint release. It’s beyond me why we (my boss) would choose to promise the customer a release of the code on a holiday weekend when half the team is either awol for a Vegas weekend or otherwise occupied with barbecues, family, friends, and… uh… drinking. Whatever though. I’ve calculated that each release takes about 6 hours of dedicated work on my part so that’s money in the bank.

I stopped responding to slack on Sunday evening and will get back to it today. Work life balance is necessary and what I have not been good at in the past is knowing where to draw the line. I do now though and will not make such mistakes again.

The other transition today is having the kids back at home and it’s the first full week of summer.. no school. That means they will be home all day while I’m trying to work. I’ve worked a fair bit at home in the past while they were there but not full time. We’ll see how that goes.

And now the best transition of them all.. my Facebook relationship status. That’s right people.. it’s FB official.. I’m in a relationship. We both talked about our mutual distaste for social media yesterday and irritations with FB in general. Despite that, we both still wanted to share, especially since we’ve now met a majority of the other persons family. When I arrived home last night that notification was waiting for me. It gave me a nice warm fuzzy inside and I happily accepted the status change.

According to FB, I’ve been single since 2010. Now I’m not. It’s about time! 😜 That’s quite a transition indeed! Next stop .. a very happy hump day!!

Time to Earn go those Tacos, 🌮 🌮 🌮

~Miss SugarCookie


2018-05-19 Eleven Week Meetup

It’s a rainy Saturday afternoon. I’m at the gym trying to work of a big lunch. JS an I were talking last night about the foods we used to eat when we were young and in HS and college and it reminded me of my very favorite thing ever (or was a hundred years ago).

Blue box macaroni and cheese paired with applesauce. It had to be Kraft and from the box, none of that easy Mac stuff they sell now. Talking about it gave me such a craving. When I was at the grocery earlier getting stuff to cook dinner I picked up a box and some sugar free organic applesauce. I made that for lunch today for C and I and it was so good. I overate a little and now I just feel full. Hopefully 10k steps on this machine will make me feel better.

Big deal for me later.. not only am I cooking dinner for us (first time for that), but he’s also meeting my kids. I mean, it feels like a big deal even though it’s really not. He’s a cool cat and my kids won’t care much. Hopefully we’ll have a nice dinner and good conversation and then he and I are headed across the Missouri to go to an art exhibit at my sisters building (she lives in an artist complex that’s an old building downtown turned into apartments). I’m sure it will all be fine but I’m kinda nervous anyway hoping it goes well.

The cooking part is kind of funny actually because he’s cooked for me no less than like two dozen times (or more) now. Just about every time I go to his place we have a meal and he’s never let me help. Well one morning I was on bacon duty. 😜

I’m totally not used to that. He pours me a glass of wine and I just sit there and watch him while he cooks, and we talk. This time I’m cooking and one must remember I’m used to cooking for my kids and I and we don’t ever eat anything fancy. Mostly because they are so picky and don’t like flavor. I’ve always been good at my job, but with all the domestic stuff, I’m very so-so.

After cooking for Simon a couple of times he sort of always gave me a look when the subject came up. “Oh honey, not everyone can be good at everything”. Gawd, but that was Simon.. always making me feel inadequate. “Can you crack an egg?” What a patronizing thing to say. JS would never do that and, of that, I am certain.

Anyway, so that’s going down in a couple of hours. It will be fine I’m sure. The trick will be to cook a meal everyone will like and nobody will turn their nose up. I want the kids to leave a good impression and People eye rolling and refusing to eat will just not do. I just really want the kids to like him and for him to like the kids. Today is the 11 week anniversary of the day we met. Wowza! Time flies. That’s a good amount of time to wait to introduce the kids right? I hope so.

I’d better get back to cleaning up the house now that my lunch has settled.

Peace Out, ✌️

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-05-10 The Thursday Meetup Monologue

Late night working last night and back at it again this morning. Makin’ the big bucks this week! I’m Getting a little cardio set in now though.

Today I’m supposed to be meeting up with Matt for lunch. He reached out to me on Monday, or maybe it was Sunday, basically to wish C a happy birthday I think. However, he quickly asked if I still wanted to get coffee or lunch sometime and I quickly replied yes. That’s a reflex.

Am I curious what he’s up to? Yes. Am I wondering about his relationship status? Of course. Does any of it really matter? Thankfully not anymore. Time does that and if I’m being honest so does my own relationship status. I’m happy now. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time and feeling so positive about the future.

Yesterday Josh stopped by my house and we chatted for about an hour. I asked him what he’s heard from Matt lately (Josh is a mutual friend). They’ve had a couple group melee/smash sessions and I guess not much has changed.

Josh said he’s been out to Cali again to visit his girlfriend. Whatever. I think he’d probably move there if his family ties weren’t here. That’s kind of crap as far as I’m concerned because he always gave me grief for my not wanting to move until my kids were grown. In 2015 he said he didn’t think he wanted to buy another house in Omaha because he wanted to move. Ok.. that was 3 years ago and he’s still here and we broke up in 2016 and he started to date another girl and SHE moved and he didn’t go with her. See… CRAP. 💩

My agreeing to meet him was a gut reaction and now that I’ve had time to think about it, I don’t think I want to. I mean, what I would want is some deeper conversation to see what, if anything, is his real status and not just some surface level fluff like the last couple times. But to what end?

I don’t need any more reminders of why things didn’t work out between us. Just like I don’t need that surface conversation. Part of me feels like it just ends up being a catch up session where I feel great because I’m working again and going to school pursuing my dreams and now living the happy relationship life and he ends up feeling like shit because he’s still not doing any of those things. (I’m not counting his long distance thing with L a thing at all).

I don’t want to feel like I’m contributing to his down mood. Maybe something has changed and he’s found a thing he loves and is going for it. I don’t know. The fact is I don’t need to know and it doesn’t matter. And that’s a very healthy place for me to be.

I think I’m going to cancel. I don’t really feel like breaking my stride today anyway with Work and stuff. That’s what’s up.

Tonight I’m having date night with JS and my plan is to spend as much QT as I can at his place this weekend (me and my cat 🐱 😊).

Ok.. time now to get back to work.

Cheers to Being Over It!

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-04-14 Times, They are a Changin’

I’m still trying to get over whatever illness took over my body a few days ago. Some slightly annoying symptoms that will not seem to go away. Not enough to keep me from doing stuff, but bad enough to make me just not want to do stuff. I haven’t been at the gym for a few days now and my focus has been on work stuff and relationship stuff and everything seems to be on tilt.

And somewhere along the way, my daily blog has become a thing I’ve relied on my gym time for. This wasn’t how things were when I started over a year ago. I used to just carve out some time during the day, morning, afternoon, night, and sit down and write. When I discovered that I could actually type and do my elliptical at the same time, the game changed.

That time-saving, multi-tasking event has become a staple in my daily life. I would go in the mornings almost daily seven days a week and that’s where I would “do my time”, so to speak. I’ve gotten so good at it, and so used to it, that when I don’t go to the gym, I start missing days writing. The other thing that happens is that when I’m on some piece of exercise equipment and am not reading or writing (or talking to someone), I get incredibly bored and can barely stand to do it.

I tried to do the elliptical machine at residency at the hotel and that machine was not only hard, so I had to work extra hard, it wasn’t easy to balance and so I couldn’t really write. It was SOOOOO boring. Even listening to music, I would look down at my fitbit and it seemed like the steps were so slow to come. I’m sure I was actually getting a better workout, because I was working up more of a sweat, but it was a challenge to keep going.

This morning I felt well enough and did maybe half what I would normally do, but I was talking while I was on the machine and so not typing. Now as I sit here, it’s kind of amazing to me how much faster I can write on a keyboard than my phone. Strange what things one can forget.

I mean, normally when I am working on poetry, its short sentences and lots of thinking in between what I am doing so there is no need to type fast, but I can crank out paragraph after paragraph of my “stream of consciousness” thoughts in not time on this laptop. How could I have forgotten?!?

It’s been 6 weeks since the day I met JS and neither one of us had commitments this weekend so we’re planning on spending a lot of time together and I am really looking forward to that. We’re also getting some strange, really gross weather here right now and I’m hoping that does not interfere with our plans. Even if it does, I feel like we’ll do just fine sitting somewhere having a hot tea, watching the snowfall. I don’t know the last time it snowed this late in the year or temps dipping low enough for it to snow, but it does happen. That’s why I never plan on planting anything in the garden until May.

Mother’s day is the cutoff for that. After that, then it’s time to get to work and let me tell you, I am so ready for that change. To be honest, it’s kind of like this whole relationship thing. I have been ready for a change for a long time and this just feel so right. Everything in my insides tells me we are going to be great together. I’m so hopeful and positive and it does not seem to matter what the topic is, we can talk about anything and it’s so easy.

You know, you don’t get to be my age without going through some shit. I’ve had some.. everyone has. But things are so much easier when you have 1). Someone in your corner to talk to. 2.) Someone to be in your corner on things and help and support. 3.) Someone who cares. I’ve been missing that for a very long time.

Sure family and friends care, but they aren’t with you every day to lean on. It’s like I might have a meet-up with a family member or friend and it’s so great to talk and to ping ideas off off and do validation checks on things I’m thinking just to make sure I’m not crazy, but it’s on a whole new level when you have someone to talk to every day, and they know the backstory and you can trust that they will be there for you. Family and friends go back to their own lives, and I might not talk to them for weeks or even months, some people less than that. Having JS to talk to everyday has been another game changer already and I just never knew what I was missing. It’s incredible.

He’s incredible. He’s an incredible person. And I’m getting very attached and somehow am starting to see the future and can’t imagine my life without him in it. I know he feels the same way. I know it, because he’s told me. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or next week or a month from now, but I hope we can continue to grow together. I’ve fallen. I’ve fallen hard. I can’t imagine a scenario where he tells me it’s not going to work out. My confidence level is high now. I’ve been so ready for this change for so long. It’s definitely time for spring!

On that note.. time to go now, get ready for whatever we decide to do next.
(I don’t care that it is going to snow today)

Bring the Spring!!
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-04-07 Five Weeks

Five weeks ago today, I was waking up and laying in bed and going through my normal single-girl routine…

Pick up the phone.. check for text.. check email.. look for app notification badges, Facebook, Twitter, WordPress.. open Bumble and make a decision about swiping right or left on the current person whom I presumably was stuck on for some reason or I probably would have swiped already. Then I would keep swiping until I got stuck again or decided I had better things to do with my Saturday morning.

Five weeks ago is when I first laid eyes on pics of JS and swiped right. I honestly don’t remember if it was a match right away or if it came shortly after that. In either case, by the time I was on my elliptical machine at the gym, that same morning, we were already texting. That text conversation ended with a plan for having a phone conversation later in the afternoon.

It was a warm day for early March. Sunny and Temps in the 50s but with some wicked wind. When 2PM rolled around, I grabbed my phone and headphones and headed out my front door for a walk and a chat. It was a great idea, but the wind was problematic. He was outside too and we both struggled with the wind noise.

I did a move around my block and settled back on my front porch which is pretty shielded from the wind. He ended up at a spot on a patio in his back yard. It was a great conversation. Right away I really dig the fact he was full of questions and the conversation was so easy. Even with him bringing up most topics, he shared equal info about himself.

It was mostly the main things.. where you are from, what you do for a living, what’s the family status (kids, ages, etc). We probably talked for an hour and a half and the end of that conversation, if I’m remembering correctly, ended in a plan to meet soon.

Soon turned out to be that evening!! “Life is too short” he said, and I agreed. So that night we met at a wine bar and had more great conversation over a few glasses if wine (him white, me Red). Again, it was super easy conversation and it made it even easier because he’s nice to look at. 😉

Believe me, I’ve shown up for a first Meetup and been surprised that the person I was meeting didn’t look anything like their picture. I think JS is even better looking in person so it was super happy about that.

I think I nursed one glass of wine for about an hour and a half and he was sensitive to the fact that my kids were home alone so we called it a night. I assured him they were capable of taking care of themselves but he insisted and I let that be the final.

He walked me out and toward my car and as we were saying goodbye I was wondering if he was going to try and kiss me goodbye. He didn’t, so I requested one. A girl’s got to know, you know?! It was nice. 😊

He then walked me closer to my car and when he saw I drive a Prius, he said that he used to drive one. That sticks out in my mind for some reason.

That was five weeks ago.. the day I met JS and our first date. Here we are five weeks later and couldn’t be happier.

I realize now that it’s more than checking boxes, as it should be. Yes.. all the boxes are checked ✅ and there’s no red flags 🇹🇳, but it’s so much more, and tough to articulate or write about. Perhaps because I’m not used to writing about this situation. I historically just haven’t, so I’m not as practiced at this than I am at what to say when my heart is broken.

I’ve written him a few times directly, with my thoughts and feelings, and I know based on our conversations he’s feeling the same way. It seems sort of impossible or not real, but I’ve had a few weeks to get used to it and let me tell you, it’s easy to get used to.

One of the best parts has been the easy communication that has been continuous. He’s responsive and not only was interested in my writing but read my poetry blog (not this one), and without any prompting, he read into my poem with the statements about cut flowers AND initiated a conversation about that specifically!! Like he was reading my mind. Wow!!

So far, we’ve been ‘out’ about half a dozen times and the rest has been meeting at his house and he’s cooked for me and we’ve watched a movie and played pool and just sat and talked. He’s also cooked me breakfast (that was pretty awesome too)! 😉

After about two weeks, I was confident I was not going to be ghosted again and now, I’m starting to allow myself to daydream about the future. Five weeks ago I never would have guessed this is where I would be in April. Never. Amazing!

So now I’m cautiously super optimistic and just trying to enjoy each conversation and date. I’m dating!! My relationship status is no longer single!!! Huzzah!!!! 🌈☀️🎉💕😊

Now THIS is the Life! (Bout time),

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-29 Austin Day 1: My Home Away from Home

I had a good “homecoming” yesterday as I was picked up from the airport and whisked to dinner straight away.

It was a nice time at a familiar place and it gave Rebecca and I a few hours, one on one, to catch up. She updated me on her stories and I pretty much went chronologically through my stuff. I had to tie a nice bow on the Simon chapter before opening the book on JS.

She’s very happy for me and said she could tell just by the way I talk how I was feeling about him and the situation. She said this was the first time she’s seen me like this and echoed what Sam said about a week ago about this being how it’s supposed to be.

She said that even if things don’t work out for some reason, at least now I have a baseline for comparison. In truth, with Simon I was constantly comparing things to the beginning of my relationship with Matt and that was telling in two ways..

1. I was hopeful and inclined to think there was some future for us or else I would not have been scrutinizing things against my last long term relationship.
2. I was feeling it was so different. With Matt we were very engaged with each other from the very beginning and actively sought out time to spend together. With Simon, he didn’t seem to care enough to make plans and it was all very casual and “whatever” and that was very revealing. In hindsite it should have been a bigger red flag.

In the end, one of the major issues was that he wasn’t that into me. That was actually the thing I utilized as a lead in to our “break up that wasn’t a break up” conversation. Of course there were other things, but one of the main things I added to my relationship “checklist” was that the other person had to like me and want to spend time with me at LEAST as much as I was. With JS, I have no doubts.

We have had a ton of communication and he is a planner like me and we both have been looking forward to the next meet up/date. He’s also coming up with some great ideas of things we can do in the future and I couldn’t be more pleased at both the thoughtfulness and the actual things he’s mentioned. It seems like forever away, but we are already planning on a day-trip to Madison County the second weekend of April. I suggested we pack a picnic lunch and he said he had the same thought. Lunch on one of the bridges of Madison County.. How romantic!


Anyway, I’ve settled into my usual routine here and am working this AM and had my morning workout already. I won’t get as many steps this week because of my change of scenery, but I’ll still try and get 10K per day. They have an elliptical machine, and it’s nice, but not what I am used to and my balance was off and it wasn’t as easy to type and “pedal” at the same time so I won’t be able to do that and blog like I normally would.

I’m switching gears now to try and get some more reading/writing done for school. Despite having a freak out last week, I’ve procrastinated once again. It’s like I can’t actually write these critical essays without being under some sort of pressure. It’s literally been about 4 days since I wrapped up the creative portion of my packet (which was originally due today), and now with the extra time, I haven’t even started an outline on the essays.

I also want to knock at least one out today so I can enjoy the time I have with my friends here without the unfinished work hanging over my head. The last thing I want to do as I roll into this weekend, for which there are lots of fun things planned, is have another freak out.


One last update which hopefully will not develop into a bigger story later on.. I woke up today with a swollen and sore lower lip where my incision was last Monday and spoke with the gal at my dentist office and they are calling in an antibiotic for me. It sucks to have to be dealing with this here and now. I thought when I went Monday, I was doing a good thing taking care of it before I left, now being away from home and having to start a round of antibiotics is less than ideal. Again, hopefully it gets better and not worse.

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-26 Monday Mustard…

… or Catch Up!😉

Yesterday turned out to be so strange and atypical.

In the morning I cried and mourned the loss of a friend.

I’m the afternoon I stared out the window at the rain and reminisced about having pancakes on Sunday mornings with my father when I was a child.. and wrote a poem about it.

In the evening I laughed over some things I was reading from a book I picked up at Jackson street.

As I retired to my bed, I did a pretty good job forgiving myself for not working on school. I might regret that as this week gets rolling, but whatever.

But hey.. since I read and wrote poetry, that should count for something right??! (It doesn’t when I’ve got assignments to finish. Errr, ummm, start 😜).

I’m struggling to pick something to write about for my critical essays. I think there are lots of topics I could write about in a contemplative sense, but critically?? I just don’t know. I should contact my mentor, because that’s what he’s there for. I don’t know why I worry about communicating with him. I’m paying for it and he’s getting paid for it. I should utilize that resource.

<Insert brief departure here so I can email my mentor>.

Ok, now that that is done, back to .. what was I going to write next? Oh yes, catching up and recording Stats. The thing in my life that’s become a constant and a grounding factor to pulse check my health and maintain balance. Cheers to that!..

Steps: 15k average on the nose.

Sleep: 7 hours 4 minutes average.

Jazzercise Claases: 3

Work: 22 Hours

School: Well.. picking up again now.

Relationship Status: Still dating Bachelor #15. Three weeks now, a new record, YAY! 😊

This week I’m flying to Austin to visit the crew there. Totes excited about that. It’s always a great time and very therapeutic and rejuvenating.

The future still looks bright! 😎

Time to go catch up on other things, including a trip to the dentist again. I’ve never gone this much since I was a kid. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t have dental insurance. Strupid Murphy’s Law.

Later Gaters,

~Miss SugarCookie