2018-04-14 Times, They are a Changin’

I’m still trying to get over whatever illness took over my body a few days ago. Some slightly annoying symptoms that will not seem to go away. Not enough to keep me from doing stuff, but bad enough to make me just not want to do stuff. I haven’t been at the gym for a few days now and my focus has been on work stuff and relationship stuff and everything seems to be on tilt.

And somewhere along the way, my daily blog has become a thing I’ve relied on my gym time for. This wasn’t how things were when I started over a year ago. I used to just carve out some time during the day, morning, afternoon, night, and sit down and write. When I discovered that I could actually type and do my elliptical at the same time, the game changed.

That time-saving, multi-tasking event has become a staple in my daily life. I would go in the mornings almost daily seven days a week and that’s where I would “do my time”, so to speak. I’ve gotten so good at it, and so used to it, that when I don’t go to the gym, I start missing days writing. The other thing that happens is that when I’m on some piece of exercise equipment and am not reading or writing (or talking to someone), I get incredibly bored and can barely stand to do it.

I tried to do the elliptical machine at residency at the hotel and that machine was not only hard, so I had to work extra hard, it wasn’t easy to balance and so I couldn’t really write. It was SOOOOO boring. Even listening to music, I would look down at my fitbit and it seemed like the steps were so slow to come. I’m sure I was actually getting a better workout, because I was working up more of a sweat, but it was a challenge to keep going.

This morning I felt well enough and did maybe half what I would normally do, but I was talking while I was on the machine and so not typing. Now as I sit here, it’s kind of amazing to me how much faster I can write on a keyboard than my phone. Strange what things one can forget.

I mean, normally when I am working on poetry, its short sentences and lots of thinking in between what I am doing so there is no need to type fast, but I can crank out paragraph after paragraph of my “stream of consciousness” thoughts in not time on this laptop. How could I have forgotten?!?

It’s been 6 weeks since the day I met JS and neither one of us had commitments this weekend so we’re planning on spending a lot of time together and I am really looking forward to that. We’re also getting some strange, really gross weather here right now and I’m hoping that does not interfere with our plans. Even if it does, I feel like we’ll do just fine sitting somewhere having a hot tea, watching the snowfall. I don’t know the last time it snowed this late in the year or temps dipping low enough for it to snow, but it does happen. That’s why I never plan on planting anything in the garden until May.

Mother’s day is the cutoff for that. After that, then it’s time to get to work and let me tell you, I am so ready for that change. To be honest, it’s kind of like this whole relationship thing. I have been ready for a change for a long time and this just feel so right. Everything in my insides tells me we are going to be great together. I’m so hopeful and positive and it does not seem to matter what the topic is, we can talk about anything and it’s so easy.

You know, you don’t get to be my age without going through some shit. I’ve had some.. everyone has. But things are so much easier when you have 1). Someone in your corner to talk to. 2.) Someone to be in your corner on things and help and support. 3.) Someone who cares. I’ve been missing that for a very long time.

Sure family and friends care, but they aren’t with you every day to lean on. It’s like I might have a meet-up with a family member or friend and it’s so great to talk and to ping ideas off off and do validation checks on things I’m thinking just to make sure I’m not crazy, but it’s on a whole new level when you have someone to talk to every day, and they know the backstory and you can trust that they will be there for you. Family and friends go back to their own lives, and I might not talk to them for weeks or even months, some people less than that. Having JS to talk to everyday has been another game changer already and I just never knew what I was missing. It’s incredible.

He’s incredible. He’s an incredible person. And I’m getting very attached and somehow am starting to see the future and can’t imagine my life without him in it. I know he feels the same way. I know it, because he’s told me. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or next week or a month from now, but I hope we can continue to grow together. I’ve fallen. I’ve fallen hard. I can’t imagine a scenario where he tells me it’s not going to work out. My confidence level is high now. I’ve been so ready for this change for so long. It’s definitely time for spring!

On that note.. time to go now, get ready for whatever we decide to do next.
(I don’t care that it is going to snow today)

Bring the Spring!!
~Miss SugarCookie

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2018-04-07 Five Weeks

Five weeks ago today, I was waking up and laying in bed and going through my normal single-girl routine…

Pick up the phone.. check for text.. check email.. look for app notification badges, Facebook, Twitter, WordPress.. open Bumble and make a decision about swiping right or left on the current person whom I presumably was stuck on for some reason or I probably would have swiped already. Then I would keep swiping until I got stuck again or decided I had better things to do with my Saturday morning.

Five weeks ago is when I first laid eyes on pics of JS and swiped right. I honestly don’t remember if it was a match right away or if it came shortly after that. In either case, by the time I was on my elliptical machine at the gym, that same morning, we were already texting. That text conversation ended with a plan for having a phone conversation later in the afternoon.

It was a warm day for early March. Sunny and Temps in the 50s but with some wicked wind. When 2PM rolled around, I grabbed my phone and headphones and headed out my front door for a walk and a chat. It was a great idea, but the wind was problematic. He was outside too and we both struggled with the wind noise.

I did a move around my block and settled back on my front porch which is pretty shielded from the wind. He ended up at a spot on a patio in his back yard. It was a great conversation. Right away I really dig the fact he was full of questions and the conversation was so easy. Even with him bringing up most topics, he shared equal info about himself.

It was mostly the main things.. where you are from, what you do for a living, what’s the family status (kids, ages, etc). We probably talked for an hour and a half and the end of that conversation, if I’m remembering correctly, ended in a plan to meet soon.

Soon turned out to be that evening!! “Life is too short” he said, and I agreed. So that night we met at a wine bar and had more great conversation over a few glasses if wine (him white, me Red). Again, it was super easy conversation and it made it even easier because he’s nice to look at. 😉

Believe me, I’ve shown up for a first Meetup and been surprised that the person I was meeting didn’t look anything like their picture. I think JS is even better looking in person so it was super happy about that.

I think I nursed one glass of wine for about an hour and a half and he was sensitive to the fact that my kids were home alone so we called it a night. I assured him they were capable of taking care of themselves but he insisted and I let that be the final.

He walked me out and toward my car and as we were saying goodbye I was wondering if he was going to try and kiss me goodbye. He didn’t, so I requested one. A girl’s got to know, you know?! It was nice. 😊

He then walked me closer to my car and when he saw I drive a Prius, he said that he used to drive one. That sticks out in my mind for some reason.

That was five weeks ago.. the day I met JS and our first date. Here we are five weeks later and couldn’t be happier.

I realize now that it’s more than checking boxes, as it should be. Yes.. all the boxes are checked ✅ and there’s no red flags 🇹🇳, but it’s so much more, and tough to articulate or write about. Perhaps because I’m not used to writing about this situation. I historically just haven’t, so I’m not as practiced at this than I am at what to say when my heart is broken.

I’ve written him a few times directly, with my thoughts and feelings, and I know based on our conversations he’s feeling the same way. It seems sort of impossible or not real, but I’ve had a few weeks to get used to it and let me tell you, it’s easy to get used to.

One of the best parts has been the easy communication that has been continuous. He’s responsive and not only was interested in my writing but read my poetry blog (not this one), and without any prompting, he read into my poem with the statements about cut flowers AND initiated a conversation about that specifically!! Like he was reading my mind. Wow!!

So far, we’ve been ‘out’ about half a dozen times and the rest has been meeting at his house and he’s cooked for me and we’ve watched a movie and played pool and just sat and talked. He’s also cooked me breakfast (that was pretty awesome too)! 😉

After about two weeks, I was confident I was not going to be ghosted again and now, I’m starting to allow myself to daydream about the future. Five weeks ago I never would have guessed this is where I would be in April. Never. Amazing!

So now I’m cautiously super optimistic and just trying to enjoy each conversation and date. I’m dating!! My relationship status is no longer single!!! Huzzah!!!! 🌈☀️🎉💕😊

Now THIS is the Life! (Bout time),

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-29 Austin Day 1: My Home Away from Home

I had a good “homecoming” yesterday as I was picked up from the airport and whisked to dinner straight away.

It was a nice time at a familiar place and it gave Rebecca and I a few hours, one on one, to catch up. She updated me on her stories and I pretty much went chronologically through my stuff. I had to tie a nice bow on the Simon chapter before opening the book on JS.

She’s very happy for me and said she could tell just by the way I talk how I was feeling about him and the situation. She said this was the first time she’s seen me like this and echoed what Sam said about a week ago about this being how it’s supposed to be.

She said that even if things don’t work out for some reason, at least now I have a baseline for comparison. In truth, with Simon I was constantly comparing things to the beginning of my relationship with Matt and that was telling in two ways..

1. I was hopeful and inclined to think there was some future for us or else I would not have been scrutinizing things against my last long term relationship.
2. I was feeling it was so different. With Matt we were very engaged with each other from the very beginning and actively sought out time to spend together. With Simon, he didn’t seem to care enough to make plans and it was all very casual and “whatever” and that was very revealing. In hindsite it should have been a bigger red flag.

In the end, one of the major issues was that he wasn’t that into me. That was actually the thing I utilized as a lead in to our “break up that wasn’t a break up” conversation. Of course there were other things, but one of the main things I added to my relationship “checklist” was that the other person had to like me and want to spend time with me at LEAST as much as I was. With JS, I have no doubts.

We have had a ton of communication and he is a planner like me and we both have been looking forward to the next meet up/date. He’s also coming up with some great ideas of things we can do in the future and I couldn’t be more pleased at both the thoughtfulness and the actual things he’s mentioned. It seems like forever away, but we are already planning on a day-trip to Madison County the second weekend of April. I suggested we pack a picnic lunch and he said he had the same thought. Lunch on one of the bridges of Madison County.. How romantic!

***

Anyway, I’ve settled into my usual routine here and am working this AM and had my morning workout already. I won’t get as many steps this week because of my change of scenery, but I’ll still try and get 10K per day. They have an elliptical machine, and it’s nice, but not what I am used to and my balance was off and it wasn’t as easy to type and “pedal” at the same time so I won’t be able to do that and blog like I normally would.

I’m switching gears now to try and get some more reading/writing done for school. Despite having a freak out last week, I’ve procrastinated once again. It’s like I can’t actually write these critical essays without being under some sort of pressure. It’s literally been about 4 days since I wrapped up the creative portion of my packet (which was originally due today), and now with the extra time, I haven’t even started an outline on the essays.

I also want to knock at least one out today so I can enjoy the time I have with my friends here without the unfinished work hanging over my head. The last thing I want to do as I roll into this weekend, for which there are lots of fun things planned, is have another freak out.

***

One last update which hopefully will not develop into a bigger story later on.. I woke up today with a swollen and sore lower lip where my incision was last Monday and spoke with the gal at my dentist office and they are calling in an antibiotic for me. It sucks to have to be dealing with this here and now. I thought when I went Monday, I was doing a good thing taking care of it before I left, now being away from home and having to start a round of antibiotics is less than ideal. Again, hopefully it gets better and not worse.

Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-26 Monday Mustard…

… or Catch Up!😉

Yesterday turned out to be so strange and atypical.

In the morning I cried and mourned the loss of a friend.

I’m the afternoon I stared out the window at the rain and reminisced about having pancakes on Sunday mornings with my father when I was a child.. and wrote a poem about it.

In the evening I laughed over some things I was reading from a book I picked up at Jackson street.

As I retired to my bed, I did a pretty good job forgiving myself for not working on school. I might regret that as this week gets rolling, but whatever.

But hey.. since I read and wrote poetry, that should count for something right??! (It doesn’t when I’ve got assignments to finish. Errr, ummm, start 😜).

I’m struggling to pick something to write about for my critical essays. I think there are lots of topics I could write about in a contemplative sense, but critically?? I just don’t know. I should contact my mentor, because that’s what he’s there for. I don’t know why I worry about communicating with him. I’m paying for it and he’s getting paid for it. I should utilize that resource.

<Insert brief departure here so I can email my mentor>.

Ok, now that that is done, back to .. what was I going to write next? Oh yes, catching up and recording Stats. The thing in my life that’s become a constant and a grounding factor to pulse check my health and maintain balance. Cheers to that!..

Steps: 15k average on the nose.

Sleep: 7 hours 4 minutes average.

Jazzercise Claases: 3

Work: 22 Hours

School: Well.. picking up again now.

Relationship Status: Still dating Bachelor #15. Three weeks now, a new record, YAY! 😊

This week I’m flying to Austin to visit the crew there. Totes excited about that. It’s always a great time and very therapeutic and rejuvenating.

The future still looks bright! 😎

Time to go catch up on other things, including a trip to the dentist again. I’ve never gone this much since I was a kid. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t have dental insurance. Strupid Murphy’s Law.

Later Gaters,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-19 Delayed Sunday Status – The “Big News” Edition

What day is it again? I’ve been traveling on a new track and apparently left my sense of time a few stops back.

Oh yeah.. Monday. It’s been a few days since I’ve done anything resembling my normal routine, and my balance was definitely off this past weekend. I’m going to try and rediscover my center of gravity today and since I completely breezed by Sunday, I’m going to start by checking-in in my stats from last week.

Steps and Exercise.. 16K average per day. Not quite on par with where it has been (20k), but still above goal which is 15K per day. I had a few 25K days and that helped balance out the two days I fell way short of the 15. One contributing factor of the decline was the fact I only did 2 Jazzercise classes all week. There are reasons for that, of course, but I’ll get to that.

Food was pretty variable too. I didn’t do a stellar job of rejecting all the birthday goodies, but in hind site I did ok. If there is one thing I can see in the horizon for this is yet another attempt to minimize gluten. I’ve had a reoccurrence of a past irritation which was alienated before by eliminating gluten for over 6 months. Not solid on my level of commitment there, but it would be easier than ever given the, now, wide spread social and economic support of this lifestyle choice.

Sleep.. 7 hours and 9 minutes average per night and I’ll take it! This is arguably my most important stat and the most neglected area. If there’s something that always sufferes from my poor choices, this is it. I’m going to try very hard this week to get to bed at a good hour.

Work is really taking off now I think and I hit my goal for hours last week with more left undone. I don’t see there being any trend back the other way either. I now have my fingeres in more pies and I can feel my team members trusting me more. And at long last, my checking account is safely back in the black. Still not good enough to start looking at my wish list, but getting there.

My schoolwork has been severely neglected for a couple weeks now and I’m detecting a very bad trend. The panic monster is snoring hard and I’m content just to dance around and ignore it. That’s not good. I need to get back to my reading and writing. I need to set aside dedicated time and make this a priority. It’s going to get even tougher I think given my other status change. Which once again brings me to everyone’s favorite train wreck topic. This time, however, I feel like I’m riding the Eurostar.

At the present moment I’m thoroughly enjoying the smooth, elegant ride. The easy, effortless way I’m being propelled forward on this track makes the speed seem virtually unnoticeable. I’ve only known Bachelor #15 for two weeks, but It feels like much longer and I’m quite pleased with how things are going. This definitely deserves more words, and I have more, but out of time now. I’ll just end by officially stating that my relationship status is now happily being changed to “dating”!!! ☮️💕😊

If this train wrecks, I probably won’t survive because I’ll likely drown somewhere between London and Paris.

Time to Monday,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-16 Lifted Curses?

I survived the Ides and to my knowledge so did my loved ones. Time to take a deep breath and exhale a sigh of relief and turn attention to the flip side of the Ides which is St. Patrick’s day. It’s another day my family is very keen on observing even though there’s only a tiny slice of Irish ☘️ in the mix.

Obviously there’s a lot of years that nothing noteworthy has happened in March, but something inside of me feels like the month has still got bad omens swirling around it. I forget that one of the most important days of my life was in March, which was the birth of my daughter. That definitely balances things out for me and perhaps most of the rest of it was inherited from the fam via suggestion and March is no more cursed than any other month.

As far as March 15 is concerned, it will still be the day in history my divorce was final. I suppose that could be viewed as both positive and negative. This year marks the 8th anniversary of that day and what a way to celebrate.. Date #4 with Bachelor #15.

When I arrived we opened a couple bottles of wine, red for me and white for him. He proceeded to show me the back yard and then we sat and talked in what I would call the sunroom. After that he cooked me dinner and I we ate and talked more. It was great.

I didn’t want to miss the movie again so even though it was quite late in the evening, we did that too. The only thing I have to say about “The Shape Of Water”… so strange!

THIS won best picture??! Whatever. I think it was probably just the perfect mix of good acting, a historic context that made for good nostalgia, and unique story. Still, it was not that enjoyable. Almost like I was watching and didn’t have the opportunity to opt out. I’ve never cringed like that at a romance scene in my whole life! (Or the scene where the guy pulls his own decaying fingers off his hand. 🤮)

So I guess I had more than one thing to say about the movie. When it was over we didn’t really talk about it much. It was late and he had to be up early for work. I made it back home before midnight and fell asleep feeling very positive about things. A successful 4th date means my 3rd date curse has also been obliterated (if that was ever really a thing).

I’ve got a fair bit planned for the day today. Work.. lunch with my mom.. Jazzercise with Leah.. and then more work. This weekend we’re cutting a new release of the software so the calendar is littered with tasks that need to get done by Sunday. I hope it’s all done by Saturday so I can enjoy our annual ☘️ party (which is actually on Sunday).

Curses Smurses,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-15 Ohhh the Ides

One doesn’t have to look too far to find why this day in history has been marked with a black cloud .. for Ceasar and for my Family. Every year we sort of hold our breath waiting for March to pass. I don’t want to repeat myself and I wrote a little about it last year. If you are interested, last years post is Here.

I’m hoping to balance all that out (as much as one could) with my 4th date with Bachelor #15. He’s going to cook me dinner at his house and then we are going to watch that movie we planned to watch on our second date but ran out of time. I’m really looking forward to it.

I think having a 4th date breaks some sort of record. I’m cautiously hopeful about this guy. He seems awesome and I keep daydreaming about the future. Something in the back of my head can’t help but be skeptical though. Is this the date where he decides he’s not that into me and tomorrow “poof” he’s gone?

I wasn’t like this a year ago so it’s definitely the dating scene that’s caused this paranoia. To be fair, a year ago I was still trying really hard to get over my ex and not think about him every damn day. I think it was June that I downloaded the Bumble dating app and started swiping.

I’ve decided that if this new guy decides to exit stage left, that’s it for Bumble. I’ve sealed that deal by deleting the app. I don’t really have a plan B other than to just take a break from that madness for a while. Dating should be fun, and it hasn’t been. That being stated, every interaction with Bachelor #15 has been really great so far.. fun, perfect dates, great conversation, balanced. He’s checking all the boxes and making me smile.. that’s how it’s supposed to be!! 😊

Until our dinner date tonight at his house, I have all day in an empty, quiet house to get some work done. It’s been a while and I’m very much looking forward to the break. I’m a little behind this week on things for work (all self imposed deadlines), but in the next few days I’ll be able to dig in and concentrate.

In any case, I’m going to minimize my chances of running into any soothsayers today by staying close to home. I don’t need anyone telling me to “Beware the Ides”. And if I get murdered tonight like Ceasar did, then wont that be just the grandest irony ever! 😜

Here’s to Shakespeare,

~Miss SugarCookie