2018-03-05 Just a Little “I Told You So”

“Wait a day”. That’s what I think I said. In truth it could be almost any amount of time. A day, a week, a few hours, a year. Change is inevitable.

I woke up this morning to severe overcast and rain. And it’s not that warm spring rain that makes the emerging crocus and daffodils happy. It’s that strange winter rain that puts a chill in the deepest parts of your body. Ugh! just hope it’s not foreshadowing for the Monday I’m about to have.

I probably was not as productive this past weekend as I would have liked to be. This week my Z turns 16 and there’s a little denial going on. Yesterday we went shopping for her and I got a few ideas about what I could do for her. It’s a tight budget year so I need to be smart about it.

Thankfully she didn’t find a piece of furniture she really liked. We ended up at Lowe’s because we are going to build something together. It will be a ton cheaper and also give me some good quality time which is becoming more and more rare by the minute. Change is inevitable.

So today is gym (now), followed by work and lunch with my friend Vis. Later it will be more work, maybe Jazzercise, dinner with the kids, and then more work again (tonight I’m facilitating the team meeting for the first time). It’s not likely I’ll be able to fit in any “Bachelor” or reading through feedback from my mentor which came through yesterday even though it wasn’t expected until Tuesday.

Wednesday is not only the big one-six, but also when mid-term assessments are due. I think I’d like to just dedicate several hours today or tonorrow to reading feedback and doing that task, but it really depends on making sure my work stuff is all caugt up and nothing is “on fire”.

Nothing is ever really on fire but even the smallest thing seems to get lots of attention. Between yesterday and today I now have several additional things that are queued up which weren’t there Saturday. Change is inevitable.

So that’s the story on the weather today. And for the love of all the cheese and crackers in the Universe, they really are predicting snow next. Absolutely disgusting!!

Holding On for Spring,

~Miss SugarCookie


2018-03-04 Peculiar Weather Patterns

What a week! Such highs and lows all in the same 7 days. It’s like the weather in Nebraska, wait a day and it will change. Sometimes dramatically.

First I’ll start with the the baseline, to establish there is sill some consistency and order in the world. For me, that’s the exercise..

20.3k average steps per day for the last 7 days. The last 3 or 4 days have been higher than normal and I think it’s because the weather is getting nicer and I’ve had several opportunities to be outside. I still only did a couple Jazzercise classes this week so most of those steps were just gym time and walking.

The sleep slump continues. 5 hours 48 minutes average for the week. I have nobody but myself to blame for this. Poor life choices strike again! It is, in part, due to the ups and downs of the week.

School.. procrastination forced a huge surge of activity in the beginning of the week and after Wednesday I’ve dropped quickly down to only spending an hour a day on it. I started a new text which is already very thought provoking so I think that’s going to help keep me engaged this month.

Work.. I put in 18 hours and as it happened the bulk of that began Thursday after my school stuff was over. It really worked out perfectly and now I’ve also got a few more tasks transitioned to me so hopefully I can get into that sweet spot soon.

Eating… Just terrible unhealthy choices all week. I’ve refused to get on the scale the last couple of days because I’m afraid of what I’m going to see. I think I’ve been stress eating junk food. I’m going to blame the dudes. Which brings me to everyone’s favorite topic.. Relationship status.

Single, actively looking, and how I feel about it changes every damn day. Toward the beginning of the week I was having tons of communication with another Bumbler and we ended up meeting up on Monday for dinner. It went really well. Seriously like afterward we texted back and forth in agreement that it was great. There was less communication the days following that and now.. I’m pretty sure I’ve been ghosted again. What is it with People?!

I’ve met my fair share of guys now and had good first dates and terrible ones, but in every case where I wasn’t feeling it, I’ve been very staightforward about it. How hard is it to say “thanks, but I don’t feel a connection, or chemistry, or insert any benign comment that lets them know it’s not them specifically.

This last one was worse because it feels like he was intentionally leading me on and was also dishonest. For sure agreeing with me that there was a good connection now seems like a flat out lie. Why??! I just don’t get it. It really makes me leery of what every guy might say to me.

Mid week I drank myself away from that situation and by Thursday I was swiping again. 🙄 I changed my search parameters and basically spent a fair amount of time going through EVERY matching profile. Yes. I swiped all the way to the bottom. Ha! 😂

I had a typical amount of matches and elected to delete a few but started about 10 conversations. Only about half responded which I’d like to believe is because they are no longer actively using the app.

Then yesterday, another match came through and I initiated a conversation. There was a little messaging through the app and then he wanted to talk on the phone, which we did in the afternoon while I walked my neighborhood. After that, we messaged briefly again and he asked to meet me. Well.. “yes please”.

We worked out that the only time that worked in the short term was that night (yes, yesterday). We met at a wine bar and talked for about 2 hours Over a couple glasses of wine and it was really great. He’s good looking, has a great career, intelligent, funny, and super easy to talk to.

He was even thoughtful enough to ask me to text when I get home so he would know I got there ok. I found that sweet. I’m just a sucker. 🤷‍♀️

This morning he already indicated he wanted to talk again. So that’s a positive sign, but you know I’ve gone through several similar quick iterations of this recently which have left me a little leery.

I just have to keep reminding myself not to take anything too seriously. I’ve got lots of things I should be focusing my time and effort on and all this dating stuff should be fun and not stressful. Right??!

I guess time will always tell… and tomorrow we might have snow so you never know. 😉

Ready for Spring,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-02-28 EVERYTHING Is Due Today

I’ve put some serious hours into my MFA packet this week and I’m quite satisfied with what I’m turning in today. I’m very happy about the revisions to a few of my previous first drafts and though I’m not super excited about any of my three essays, I think they are all pretty good too. I don’t phone anything in so I have no other choice but Work on these things until I’m completely satisfied with the result.

This morning I need to finish my cover letter and then I’ll be done. Done and looking at what might be immediately next on my agenda. I don’t have to look far because there are also several other things that have been looming around me waiting to dive bomb me at just the right moment.

One of those things is my tuition. It’s totally a thing I’ve been putting off thinking about and it’s due today. Yeah.. that’s me like almost half way through this semester and not even allowing myself to think about the chunk of cash I’m about to relinquish for it.

Josh is the only person who knows I’m in this masters program and has questioned my decision and motives. Most people are like “that’s nice”, and don’t even ask anything else about it. Well a few people ask and I’m grateful for them, but for the most part folks never even questioned me on it.

I reasoned out with Josh that this first semester is a good step forward in discovery and if nothing else, this semester will reveal whether or not I am serious enough to actually go the distance with this program. He asked me about it again this week when we were on a walk and I said that I was sort of amazed about being at this point in the semester and not reached a conclusion on that yet. It still depends on the day.

The days when I’m immersed in my writing and totally free to dig into the things I’m reading, the answer is clear. This is the right path for me. In those moments, I have no doubts.

Then there’s days when I feel consumed doing other things (which I also happen to really dig) like my job and AWS learning and exercise and just this and I think to myself, “isn’t this enough?”.

I could read all these books and write about them and write my poems and even start attempting to publish them without this program. Right?? I could. Would I? I’m not sure. I think that’s part of what I’m trying to puzzle out with this semester.

Any minute now my left brain is going to demand a white board so I can set it up in my office and create a pro/con list. Whatever though.

Days like today, when tuition is due and my house payment is due and my visa is due and I’m back to 15 hours a week for work I’m leaning seriously toward the conclusion that being in this program is just a flight of fancy and I should not continue on with another term.

I can’t get 20 hours at my job and yet they are actively hiring another developer. I’d probably be better off putting effort into actually being a dev. I came to the conclusion that was not the right path for me in 2016 but perhaps I should revisit that. After all, 2016 was a hell of a year and I should probably question every decision I made during that time.

To be fair, I was so grateful this last week that I had no work to do because it allowed me to focus on school. If I had a 40 hour commitment, I probably would have died. Yes I would be dead and blogging from the “Beyond”.

Now that I’m getting ready to package up and send this bundle of writing, I’m already inquiring with my boss about more work. I can certInly put some serous time into my certification, but I don’t think that’s what they want me to be doing. “An hour a day”, is the current allotment.

Also noteworthy in all of this is my daughter’s birthday which is in 1 week and her party the week after that and it’s a big one. I want it to be special and I’ve put thinking about it on the back burner. She has an elaborate party planned but I’m the one who needs to officially take care of logistics. That should probably happen today too.

Well.. now that the man in black has arrived (in white today), my morning at the gym is complete. Time to go face those deadlines.

Pulling Triggers,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-02-26 Monday Morning Lulz

I’ve got a feeling today is gonna be a great day. I made some progress this weekend with my schoolwork and have the last things somewhat teed up for completion in the next couple of days. I’m lunching with my Omaha bestie, Barb. And my hair looks great today. #winning

No familiar faces at the gym again this morning. Due to my circumstantial procrastination, I only made it to the gym a couple of times in the last four or five days. I believe it was Friday or Saturday, late in the day I was here and there was a bird-girl sighting. She’s so lucky that her gym attire doubles as going-out wear. She can go right from that treadmill to the club.

I poke fun but am actually jealous of her “don’t give a crap what you think” clothing choices. It makes me curious to know and talk to her, but that’s probably a little too creeper. Can you imagine?

“Hey.. Hi there. I’ve been watching you and writing about you in my blog for a couple of weeks now. You wanna chat?”. 😂

We’re nearing the end of February and now is about the time all the resolutionaries drop off and the crowd thins. It makes sense that there are only a few people here at 9AM on a Monday.

I’m closing out a sprint today and starting a new one. That will take all of about half an hour and that’s the only thing on my set list for Work. Um… I need more than that if I’m going to satisfy my cravings for cheeseburgers and Qdoba.

Either that, or I just don’t pay my mortgage. I’m sure the bank won’t mind right?

“But <Insert name of random banking consultant here> I had to have my three cheese nachos. It’s a serious need you know. You can understand that right?” 😂

In other news, the Universe help me, I’ve been swiping right again. I told Josh I think I have a problem and he said “I know”. My sister told me I’m using the wrong app and that I should dump bumble cuz it’s all about hookups. I didn’t argue with her.

What an appropriate place for me to stop and say, “I think that’s enough blog for today.. I’ve got to go get my Dickinson on”. 😂

Cracking Myself Up Today,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-02-21 The One About Dates

3 2s
2 0s
2 1s
1 8

Among all the ideas, problems, people, and feelings my brain forces itself to contemplate relentlessly are numbers. I’m on day three with my current analysis about dates(ironically, I’m referring to calendar dates). I’ve counted the numbers, the occurrence of certain numbers, written them forward and backward, and even tried to attach some cosmic significance to them. Whatever brain!

This might lead a person to believe that 1.) I’m a smidge cray-cray (perhaps) and 2.) I have too much time on my hands (ummm… never).

My brain was built for analytics. Number crunching. The application of logic to extract data and apply aesthetics to it in order to make it meaningful is an incredibly satisfying process. This happens to be a huge benefit in my line of work but, as it turns out, not as helpful in my personal or creative endeavors.

Facing reality, nobody is going to be interested in the poem I wrote on February 18th, 2018. But look how beautiful the numbers are…


Two 2s
Two 0s
Two 1s
Two 8s

Quick.. somebody call Fox News. That’s fair and balanced! Except, never mind – Fox dropped that motto in 2017 when they realized they were neither fair nor balanced and didn’t really want to be.

There’s only one thing missing in this common configuration of the date and that’s the elegance of the palindrome. However, thinking about that leads me to explore other formats…

02182018 If you are American and don’t give a shit about alphabetical listings in chronological order. Let’s hope you have date/time stamp in your metadata.

18022018 If you are across “the pond”. Probably the most satisfying configuration for this instance but also not programatically useful.

And then back to CCYYMMDD. My peeps in Lithuania get it. Virtual fist-bump yo!! 👊

It’s not just about dates though. The numbers!.. They are EVERYWHERE.

Duration and incline and resistance and distance on my elliptical machine for example. It’s helpful to calculate percentages, level of overall effort, and to track progress on goals.

Temperature. My friend Leah knitted a scarf last year where every 5 degree temp was assigned an appropriate color of yarn. The range was an array of colors from deep cool colors like violet and blue to warm orange and then red hot. Each day, she added another row to the scarf based on the temperature of the day. It’s amazing and beautiful!!

Other than that, temperature is only good for deciding what to wear on any given day or deciding where to move when you’ve had just about enough of violet (like Now).

It probably goes without saying that I dig my personal stats, or rather my ability to know them, record them, and use them to measure my progress. I track sleep and my steps and count Jazzercise classes. I’d count calories too if it wasn’t so time consuming (or more accurately if I thought it was useful info, which it isn’t). I’ve thought about upgrading my FitBit to the Alta HR that also tracks heart rate. That would be super cool. I added it to the wishlist of things I can consider buying when I can afford buying things again. Ahhh, finances. That is a whole other category of numbers I love to crunch regularly. And age.. 59.5 so near yet so far.

Back to dates though. That’s the topic of my current analysis. 2017 was an odd year and there were a lot of rotten dates and 2018 isn’t looking any better (yes, actual dates with dudes). As such, I’m really ok with my mind focusing on some different dates. Dates where every first date is also the last and they don’t leave you feeling rejected or somehow not good enough.

With this in mind, I can look at today with a wink and a smile knowing what joy it holds within its 24 glorious hours instead of the suffering that swiping right brings.

Don’t even get me started on tomorrow!! Oh the 2’s!! 😜

When in Doubt Swipe Left,
~Miss SugarCookie

PS… Holy shit the number of occurrences of each number almost make up the number itself. That’s wild and I AM crazy – 2 0s 1 8, (3 2s) 2 1s

2018-02-13 Tuesday’s are Pretty Bomb Too

Yesterday I bounced back from the low step counts from last week but still haven’t balanced things out with the coursework. I’ve gotta find the Mojo today to do some reading.

I’m meeting Simon for coffee at 2 to “catch up” and return the things he left at my house we used to patch the hole in my wall. I’m really not looking forward to it. Mostly because it’s gonna cut 2 valuable hours out of my afternoon but also because I’ve got nothing to say. 🤷‍♀️ Somebody’s mom somewhere sometime said “if you don’t have anything nice to day, keep yo damn mouth shut”. That’s pretty much me with all that right now.

It’s probably ok anyhow cuz he’s just going to want to talk about himself the whole time anyway.

I should ask the barista if they have a bottle of Baily’s behind the counter I could borrow. 😜 But I’m looking on the bright side.. my reward for being such a sport will be the second date I’m going on later tonight. Yeah that!!

I told this guy on Saturday you don’t start seeing someone right before Valentine’s Day. That’s against the rules in the handbook. It’s actually in BOLD print. It looks like I’ve got a rule breaker on my hands. I dig it!

In between these polar opposite meet ups I’ve got work which I’m feeling even better about after last week than I have previously. People are recognizing my value and I even got the nod yesterday to update the dashboard stats in prod. In a matter of like four weeks they’ve gone from being paranoid to provide me a user log on to allowing me to fiddle with stuff. It’s pretty inconsequential stuff and I can’t really screw anything up but the simple fact that they are starting to trust me is great!

I’m actually really looking forward to working more on these stats and the dashboard today. I’ll probably also try to squeeze an hour of AWS learning before I really dive back in. But first .. I gotta get my steps in. It’s 9am and the gym is pretty dead. Have I mentioned I really dig working on West Coast time? It’s pretty much the Bomb.

Time to give Fall Out Boy my full attention.

Until Tomorrow,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-02-10 Finding Inspiration and Motivation

So far today I’m pretty uninspired. I was awake by 6am and did a little gathering of statistics for Work and then got my daughter up for drivers ed this morning.

The class is 5 hours in the classroom today followed by 2 hours behind the wheel with an instructor this afternoon. That’s a full day of responsibility for her, but she wanted it. She didn’t seem to care what she had to do to get that little piece of plastic next month on her birthday. And despite it being so early on a Saturday, when she would normally sleep until 11am, she hasn’t complained or said one negative thing. I’m quite impressed.

I was the opppsite at her age. I was unmotivated to put in effort to do anything that was even halfway an inconvenience to me. I took drivers ed as a class in HS when I was a jr. And didn’t get my license until I was like 17 and a half. I didn’t care.

I didn’t care about working either. I followed in my older brothers footsteps in getting a job at a local buffet when I was 16. I worked there a total of like six weeks and then quit. I discovered pretty quickly that I didn’t want to work until I absolutely had to. That ended up being the summer after my senior year of HS.

I think motivation is so internal and tough to find externally. It has to be more ingrained in your person and less a thing you can just choose to have if you don’t have those feels. Z definitely has the feels.

She wants to get a job right away this summer. She wants to work and make money and alleviate her summer boredom. I’m pretty sure that will stick.

Ok… I just received an inspiration injection shot! There’s a fabulous trio to my left on the treadmills. Yes!!

Ib this order.. 1) The man in black. 2) Dude in a camo muscle shirt and 3) Bird girl! Ahh the return of bird girl. I haven’t seen her for about 2 weeks. I miss her outfits and I’ve only seen two.

Today she’s wearing jeans (yes, running on a treadmill at the gym) and a spaghetti strap tank that’s got so much bling it looks like it belongs in the club getting low-low-low-low. I actually really dig today’s getup. I would wear that… but… umm.. not to the gym.

Her and the man in black have already outlasted camo and now it’s an endurance challenge to see who will outlast who. My gold monopoly Benjamin’s are on my personal favorite.. the man of few words and fewer colors.

I keep smiling at him when we cross paths but he doesn’t seem to even glance in my direction. Such a shame. I also haven’t been close enough to see if he’s wearing a wedding ring. I know I’m ridiculous but guess what “I don’t care.. I love it. I love it!”.

So inspiration can be both generated internally and externally. I’m not sure which one is stronger for me. This morning it seems to be external. I’ll take it!

It’s a short set for me today cuz imma hit a Jazzercise class at 9:30. It will be my first one all week. That work stuff is really cramping my style! I also am coming up on two whole weeks without seriously working on my MFA stuff so I gotta Work on my balancing skills. Soon. Now?

Time to Jazz!

~Miss SugarCookie