2018-03-09 French Fry Day

This morning I woke with a headache which was half blutini and half cycle day one trying really hard to make an appearance (presumably). I only had two drinks at dinner last night so it can’t just be all that.

Despite my spidey-sense being off when it comes to meeting new people lately, I decided once again to trust it and let bachelor #15 pick me up at my house for dinner out and then a movie at his place.

My house wasn’t really company-worthy but I gave him the grand tour anyway. My daughter is mortified that I showed her room in its current state and said “never do that again”. Ha! Ive decided that it’s just better just to be real and show people how we really live anyway.

“Here’s my daughter’s room, littered with clean and dirty clothes and my dining room being prepped for painting and every other room severely in need of dusting and vacuuming”. It paints a clear picture that I like to live in very uncluttered spaces for the most part, but am not the most diligent housekeeper and also that I let my kids be the ruler of their own rooms.

After that we went for sushi which is always a good choice. There’s lots to talk about when you first meet someone and the conversation was pretty effortless. When dinner was over it was time to go to watch the movie at his place. Or at least that was the plan.

By the time we got through the tour of his house, which was pretty sizable, and talked about lots of things along the way, it was getting too late to start a show so he drove me back home. I explained that I really wanted to see the movie but also really wanted to enjoy it and not be too tired and it was already past 10.

When we parted ways, I told him to text me when he got home but I was already half asleep when that came in. Skipping the movie was a good call.

This brings me right back to 6 am waking up after sleeping 6.5 hours with a slight headache. The kids stayed at their dads last night but were texting me before 7am wanting to come home. I took my daily doses of curcumin and caffeine and drive to pick them up.

Today I need to put a heavy focus on work and get some hours in. I should probably start that soon actually.

It’s French Friday.. Time to Kechup,

~Miss SugarCookie


2018-03-08 Wandering Thursday Thoughts

Today is going to be action packed.. but first.. gym time.

I took C to school early this AM for a study session to prep for a social studies test. How terrible! I always hated social studies. History, government, anything that was anything about something so 100 years or more ago. Yuk!!

I still feel this way for the most part but here’s something I’m finding quite intriguing. There’s quite a bit of history in my texts for school right now and all of it contributes to different theories about the different eras of literature and poetry and the style of those times. There’s influence from social and economic factors stemming from many events in time and human development. I’m finding all that super interesting. I never thought I would care about what happened during the Renaissance or the outcomes of different conflicts and the long term impacts, but here I am digging in and wanting more. Color me surprised.

Turning away from history and focusing back on today.. There’s a promise of action packed adventure. I’m not going to try and guess if Z will still be sleeping when we get home, but if so it will give me a little time to check in on Work stuff and get ready for the day.

We’re hitting the DMV, then food out somewhere and then shopping this afternoon. She’s really into anime right now and other cult following type shows so we’re hitting Stella’s and Hot topic. She has gift certificates for both. Not sure how long all that will take. Last year we went to a movie but talking about it last night, there’s nothing out right now she wants to see. Me either I guess.

I’ve wanted to see a few of the academy award winning shows from this year but just haven’t had an occasion to and was also holding out to see who the winners were. Now I really want to see The Shape of Water and magically, tonight that’s going to happen.

It’s an official second date. Of all the first dates I’ve gone on, I’ve only ever had three second dates, four if you count Simon who I never really dated. 😂

First was Country, who ghosted me after our second Meetup. Next was Alabama who literally moved a week after we met. The latest was 🤔 “Mr. Media”, who I actually went on three dates with before I was ghosted. It’s a good thing I’m not seriously a crazy person or I would be going ghost hunting to give these douchebags a piece of my mind.

In truth, I did date Simon. We only went “out” on a date like four times and all were initiated and paid for by yours truly. I took him out for sushi at Hiro. I took him to grey plume for his birthday, I took him to the Matchbox 20 concert. The last one was a dinner out some unmemorable place in Dundee for which he had a gift card from referring ME to a financial advisor friend of his.

Of all the things I’m grateful for over those five months, which there were several positive things, meeting that other person is high on the list. The rest of the times we hung out it was either me driving to his house or our kids having a play date. I’m big at defining things and based on my definition, those aren’t really dates.

Tonight is definitely a date. Dinner and a movie.. it’s the classic definition of a date. I have a feeling he’s even going to pay for it. How novel!! We’ve talked on the phone several times now and have had fairly regular text conversation. So far, there’s nothing that would lead me to believe he’s the ghosting type, but I’ve been fooled before.

Like I’ve questioned before.. how hard is it to say “I’m not that into you”. I’m a big girl.. I can take it. Besides, I know a good connection is rare and I have no problem recognizing all the reasons someone might not want to go out again. I’ve been honest and direct after first dates and I guess I’d like to get that in return.

In any case, I’m going to slow my roll on this one and just enjoy the Sushi and a movie that I’ve really wanted to see.

Right now though.. time to go wake up my darling daughter.

Peace Out,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-07 Exactly Right Now

Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, you know. After school today, everyone was pretty tired (except C who is never too tired to dive into a video game). We chilled on the couch talking for a while waiting for the kids’ Dad to show up and present Z with cut flowers. 🙄 A sweet gesture, but I’m sure in the grand scheme of things, some white roses are going to be forgotten just about as fast as they perish in a vase on her dresser.

He and his girlfriend showed up half an hour past the time he said he would be here “at the latest”, and thus delayed us leaving while everyone was still fresh and ready to roll. By the time they left, Z looked at me and said “Mom, I’m too tired to go anywhere, can you just go get Freddies?” But of course.

So they had junk fast food (with fruits and veg I made here with love) and I heated up a frozen tamale and had that with chips and salsa. I had nachos with guacamole and salsa for lunch and I guess I’m just stuck on that theme. I do believe I could eat Mexican food every day (as long as I can throw in a random cheeseburger once and a while). Most of it is good for you. Maybe not the three cheese queso, but a girl’s got to live right?!

Anyway, as it turns out, we’re all too tired to do anything. So here it is, the evening of my daughters 16th birthday and she’s in her bed watching You-Tube vids on her laptop and I’m sitting in my room typing on my laptop (Exactly Right Now) and C is in his room reading a book. We’re so exciting. In all fairness, tomorrow is the day her and I have set aside to spend most of the day together doing whatever she wants for her birthday. That will be the quality one on one time I’m needing.

I wish I had a treadmill again. I really want to walk off this meal and I don’t want to go to the gym. I guess I could just walk around my house but I kinda don’t want to get out of bed either. /lame

That’s the short story on the Sweet 16. I’m hoping for a more restful night of sleep tonight because tomorrow is going to be one loooooonnnng day!

So Exciting, My Eyes Can’t Stay Open,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-07 Exactly Sixteen Years Ago

Last night I could barely keep my eyes open past 9PM, I was so tired. I’m truly not sure what I was so tired from, because I barely did anything at all yesterday. I didn’t really work and did mostly running around shopping for my Z and a little writing. Dinner with the kids and my mom and her husband for Z’s bday at Texas roadhouse, and then back home. I tried to read and my eyes were literally blurring the words on the page. I think that is a combination of being tired and just getting older. Nothing is what it used to be, but that is another topic for a different day.

It’s now 2:22 AM and I’ve just gone AMA (my own) and taken half a Xanax because I just can’t deal with a sleepless night right now with so much that needs to get happen tomorrow and the remainder of the week. Funny the way it is, when there is a lull, I can sleep just fine, but as soon as things start getting a little hectic that’s when the insomnia monster rears its ugly head. Of course, it is always when one needs it the most. As a consequence of the medicine, I may not (will hopefully not) be writing long.

The main topic at hand is my Z and her 16th birthday today!! Today is one of those days that’s nice to look back on previous years. Just before I started writing, I read my blog post from last year and sure enough, that day all came rushing back to me. Right now, though, in the middle of the night and all alone, I’m inclined to think further back than that to 16 years ago when I woke around midnight to go to the bathroom and my water broke.

By 1AM we were probably in the hospital all checked in and by this time, around 2:30, I was heavy into having contractions and probably still under the delusion that I was going to give birth “naturally”. That is, without pain meds. Laughable.

By 2ish, I was becoming increasingly aware of just how bad labor pains really could be. You hear stories, but you just never know. Everyones pain threshold is relative too so you really just can’t gauge it until you feel it for yourself. It was bad. So that is where I was at Exactly Sixteen Years Ago, right this very minute.

By 3 I think I caved and asked for something to help and they gave me some sort of oral med to “take the edge off”, which only made me feel super loopy and didn’t even touch my pain. After that, I was a hot mess. Brian’s parents showed up and in my heightened emotional state I started to cry and demand they leave immediately. I had requested they not be there so why they decided to come anyway in the middle of the night was beyond me. I didn’t want my parents there either, but they respected my wishes and waited until after Z was born to grace us with their presence.

Maybe around 4 or 5 I finally got an epidural, I am not quite sure what time it was, but I was in so much pain, I didn’t even feel that giant needle going in. The only thing I remember was that what followed was sweet relief and I was pissed at myself for being so stubborn and waiting so long. The few hours between then and delivery in the 8 o’clock hour were not memorable, thank goodness.

There’s more details I could share, but honestly, “aint nobody got time for that”.

It’s a little tough for me to believe that the very same 6 pound, 6 ounce baby girl they placed into my arms that morning is now 16 and almost an adult. She’s an amazing person and so full of love and life. She’s a talented artist, intelligent, beautiful, sassy, and very, very thoughtful. I could not ask for a better person to call my “princess pudding pie”.

Today will be a pretty routine day for us with going out to dinner again tonight being the only celebratory event (apparently, celebrations always revolve around food). Tomorrow is when her and I really get into putting our party hats on, because we’re both taking the day off to spend time together doing whatever she wants to do. Just the two of us. I look forward to that every year.

Perhaps we will take a walk down memory lane together and go through her baby books and oogle over how incredibly cute she was. We’ll see what kind of mood she is in.. you never know with teenagers. She might want to sleep until noon and then just go shopping for the afternoon. /Shrug

Anyway, I should let the meds take over now and try and sleep. Getting some of these thoughts down in words will hopefully help release my mind so I can get quality sleep for the rest of the night and be refreshed tomorrow to do “all the other things”.

Sleepy in Nebraska,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-06 A Little Dose of Reality Goes a Long Way

Two converging topics this AM. I think that nobody is completely immune from “grass is always greener” syndrome. I talk to people in all kinds of situations and the common thread is that they all have the shit they are dealing with.

We have a tendency to look over that fence and see what we want to see in other people’s lives. That one over there is happily married and it’s great. That one over there has the perfect kids, or a very desirable job situation. We are mostly exposed to the social media representation of peoples lives where the filter applied is very rose colored.

But when you talk in person with people you are close with, the filter drops and the truth is exposed. The job is great but their boss is a complete douche-canoe, the kids are driving them bat-shit crazy, and their spouse forgot their birthday.

That’s real life.

I’m not going to get on my social media soap box now, though I could, because in the way of actually improving interpersonal relationships it brings almost nothing positive. It’s the in-person connections I want to focus on.

I met with my Friend Vis for lunch yesterday and unlike our last Meetup, we actually talked about his life and times. We both remarked about the phenomenon that talking to other people helps open eyes about the imperfections of life and that the grass is not always greener.

I don’t have a large set list of people I have these open communications with. Five or six at most and two of those people live elsewhere in the country. I might meet up with folks, or keep trying to stay social, but most of those are very surface level. Each time I do chat with one of my main peeps, it’s so valuable.

I’m reminded by their candid conversation that we’re all going through something. That’s life and the grass in their yard is NOT greener. And the grass in my yard is pretty green (except today because it’s covered in fucking snow!!🙄).

Crossing into the second related topic now which has to do with one of the only TV shows I still make an effort to watch sometimes. For me to watch a show, I have to really want to because I don’t have cable or Netflix or Hulu or any other subscription service. I watch tv streaming from the air. It’s the ultimate steaming service. It’s free but I only get like 3 or 4 channels that come in clear. Also, for that to work out, I have to watch a show at the time it airs.

Consequently, I pretty much don’t watch anything. A few years back I got into watching the Bachelor and then my sister and I would talk shit about that after each episode. I sort of stopped doing that in the last year but decided to tune in again last night and see what was up. As it turns out, it was the season finale. Who knew??!

This meant that 1). I will have bypassed ALL the drama and skipped right to the final decision and 2). It was 3 hours of life that I would be sacrificing instead of just one.

I watched with my son who also seems to enjoy it and getting some couch time with Mom. I try to make it educational for him pointing out mistakes they make and then sometimes I’m like “see what he did there? Never do that”. 😂 Of course the number one lesson to be learned is to never be on a reality TV show like that. I mean how dumb.

So this guy, this current bachelor, is in love with both the remaining women. There have been seasons in the past where some dude had actually told two women that he loved them so that’s not new but in those cases I think there was maybe always a clear choice (though it always appears to me that they end up making the wrong choice). Stupid! In this case though, he still claimed the entire show that he didn’t know what he was going to do.

This show is so tired now, I think they keep trying to push the envelope just to retain interest. Supposedly on the morning he was supposed to be making his decision known to both women, he was still conflicted. Uhhh.. really? Then don’t freaking propose moron! See .. Stupid!

Anyway, of course he proposes and of course she says yes and the other girl goes home crying. Then they cut to the studio audience with a shocking revelation that the story wasn’t over and that they have LIVE footage of what happens after that. Holy crap (and of course they do because they have to 1-up last season). 😉

After that magical proposal, Mr. conflicted goes back to his life and he and miss so and so start figuring out what their life together will be like. They live in different cities and have several meetups I guess but they are never really back to reality though. The cameras are still following them around to catch everything. He confesses (to ABC) that he can’t stop thinking about the other girl and feels like he made a mistake. It’s only been like 4 weeks dude, you haven’t had enough time to figure anything out. But whatever.

So the cameras are rolling on a Meetup (which on a side note still seems like a fantasy getaway destination nestled in the hills of Cali so not really his place or hers). The network is presumably still picking up the tab for this and therefore have a right to film and air the very moment he breaks this news to her and basically instantaneously ruins every picture she had in her head about their future together.

The host hyped this up quite a bit but in reality it ended up being about a half an hour of them walking from place to place in this apartment/house and not saying more than four words to each other. She cried and said that she was so embarrassed and he just stared at her like an idiot not leaving.

I momentarily became one of those people who talk to their TV. “Quit asking her to talk to you if you have nothing to say!!”. I’m sure ABC told him to drag it out for as long as he could so they could get maximum footage. It was painful to watch, but somehow I could not turn it off until it was over.

AND.. after the three hour episode, it was still not over. Tonight is the recap with all three people in studio for interviews. No thanks! I was sucked in last night and like some grand orchestrated train wreck, I could not look away but tonight I’ll be skipping that hot mess.

Bringing things full circle, it was a good reminder how messed up other people’s lives are and life in general for that matter. Sort of like when I talk to People openly about their lives, but different. My life is pretty awesome and even if I’m apparently on a rollercoaster ride with my romantic life that I can’t seem to get off of, it’s no where near being proposed to and then 4 weeks later breaking up (no.. that was me in 2016).

Back to Reality,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-05 Just a Little “I Told You So”

“Wait a day”. That’s what I think I said. In truth it could be almost any amount of time. A day, a week, a few hours, a year. Change is inevitable.

I woke up this morning to severe overcast and rain. And it’s not that warm spring rain that makes the emerging crocus and daffodils happy. It’s that strange winter rain that puts a chill in the deepest parts of your body. Ugh! just hope it’s not foreshadowing for the Monday I’m about to have.

I probably was not as productive this past weekend as I would have liked to be. This week my Z turns 16 and there’s a little denial going on. Yesterday we went shopping for her and I got a few ideas about what I could do for her. It’s a tight budget year so I need to be smart about it.

Thankfully she didn’t find a piece of furniture she really liked. We ended up at Lowe’s because we are going to build something together. It will be a ton cheaper and also give me some good quality time which is becoming more and more rare by the minute. Change is inevitable.

So today is gym (now), followed by work and lunch with my friend Vis. Later it will be more work, maybe Jazzercise, dinner with the kids, and then more work again (tonight I’m facilitating the team meeting for the first time). It’s not likely I’ll be able to fit in any “Bachelor” or reading through feedback from my mentor which came through yesterday even though it wasn’t expected until Tuesday.

Wednesday is not only the big one-six, but also when mid-term assessments are due. I think I’d like to just dedicate several hours today or tonorrow to reading feedback and doing that task, but it really depends on making sure my work stuff is all caugt up and nothing is “on fire”.

Nothing is ever really on fire but even the smallest thing seems to get lots of attention. Between yesterday and today I now have several additional things that are queued up which weren’t there Saturday. Change is inevitable.

So that’s the story on the weather today. And for the love of all the cheese and crackers in the Universe, they really are predicting snow next. Absolutely disgusting!!

Holding On for Spring,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-04 Peculiar Weather Patterns

What a week! Such highs and lows all in the same 7 days. It’s like the weather in Nebraska, wait a day and it will change. Sometimes dramatically.

First I’ll start with the the baseline, to establish there is sill some consistency and order in the world. For me, that’s the exercise..

20.3k average steps per day for the last 7 days. The last 3 or 4 days have been higher than normal and I think it’s because the weather is getting nicer and I’ve had several opportunities to be outside. I still only did a couple Jazzercise classes this week so most of those steps were just gym time and walking.

The sleep slump continues. 5 hours 48 minutes average for the week. I have nobody but myself to blame for this. Poor life choices strike again! It is, in part, due to the ups and downs of the week.

School.. procrastination forced a huge surge of activity in the beginning of the week and after Wednesday I’ve dropped quickly down to only spending an hour a day on it. I started a new text which is already very thought provoking so I think that’s going to help keep me engaged this month.

Work.. I put in 18 hours and as it happened the bulk of that began Thursday after my school stuff was over. It really worked out perfectly and now I’ve also got a few more tasks transitioned to me so hopefully I can get into that sweet spot soon.

Eating… Just terrible unhealthy choices all week. I’ve refused to get on the scale the last couple of days because I’m afraid of what I’m going to see. I think I’ve been stress eating junk food. I’m going to blame the dudes. Which brings me to everyone’s favorite topic.. Relationship status.

Single, actively looking, and how I feel about it changes every damn day. Toward the beginning of the week I was having tons of communication with another Bumbler and we ended up meeting up on Monday for dinner. It went really well. Seriously like afterward we texted back and forth in agreement that it was great. There was less communication the days following that and now.. I’m pretty sure I’ve been ghosted again. What is it with People?!

I’ve met my fair share of guys now and had good first dates and terrible ones, but in every case where I wasn’t feeling it, I’ve been very staightforward about it. How hard is it to say “thanks, but I don’t feel a connection, or chemistry, or insert any benign comment that lets them know it’s not them specifically.

This last one was worse because it feels like he was intentionally leading me on and was also dishonest. For sure agreeing with me that there was a good connection now seems like a flat out lie. Why??! I just don’t get it. It really makes me leery of what every guy might say to me.

Mid week I drank myself away from that situation and by Thursday I was swiping again. 🙄 I changed my search parameters and basically spent a fair amount of time going through EVERY matching profile. Yes. I swiped all the way to the bottom. Ha! 😂

I had a typical amount of matches and elected to delete a few but started about 10 conversations. Only about half responded which I’d like to believe is because they are no longer actively using the app.

Then yesterday, another match came through and I initiated a conversation. There was a little messaging through the app and then he wanted to talk on the phone, which we did in the afternoon while I walked my neighborhood. After that, we messaged briefly again and he asked to meet me. Well.. “yes please”.

We worked out that the only time that worked in the short term was that night (yes, yesterday). We met at a wine bar and talked for about 2 hours Over a couple glasses of wine and it was really great. He’s good looking, has a great career, intelligent, funny, and super easy to talk to.

He was even thoughtful enough to ask me to text when I get home so he would know I got there ok. I found that sweet. I’m just a sucker. 🤷‍♀️

This morning he already indicated he wanted to talk again. So that’s a positive sign, but you know I’ve gone through several similar quick iterations of this recently which have left me a little leery.

I just have to keep reminding myself not to take anything too seriously. I’ve got lots of things I should be focusing my time and effort on and all this dating stuff should be fun and not stressful. Right??!

I guess time will always tell… and tomorrow we might have snow so you never know. 😉

Ready for Spring,

~Miss SugarCookie