2017-08-16 Dinner Time – Always a Good Time…

Just go make your own meal already. OK, this post is pretty much going to be a rant about my daughter. So sorry in advance for the less than stellar parenting that is about to be revealed.

Today was the first day of school. She was so tired when she came home that she slept for three hours as soon as she hit the bed in her room. Poor girl. Something must have taken a lot today. However, this means she missed dinner. C and I had a lovely meal and I will admit that after really over working myself today with the exercise I did not have any reservations about the pizza and red wine that I made for dinner (C just had pizza BTW). We did have some slices left and that was the first choice offered to her when she “came to”. That was met by a resounding “NO”.

Then pepperoni. No
A ham sandwich. No
A taco. No
Cereal. No.
Spaghetti . No
Oranges. No
Blueberries. No
An apple. No
Corn. No
Broccoli. No
Eggs. No “You know I hate eggs”.
A hamburger patty. No
Chips and salsa. No
Taco meat with chips (aka nachos). No
Bacon. No

Me – “Seriously, no to bacon? There is something really wrong with you”. Really.

So I said I was done and I left the room. She can just starve. I don’t care.

Here are things that we have on hand that I did not offer because I know already she won’t eat them…

Granola bars.
Pistachios
Almonds
Sunflower seeds.
Oatmeal.
Rice.
Steakums (yes they still make those).
Shrimp
Brussel Sprouts
Kale
Tomatos
Zucchini

Here are the things we have on hand that I did not offer because I really do care…

Ice Cream
Doritos
Hershey’s kisses
Cheetos
Pancakes
Toast

Really, I’m amiable to almost anything. Most parents would probably just say “You didn’t eat what was for dinner so you can just be hungry”. I can’t force her to eat and at this point I am way past caring. Me and my two glasses of wine are way past caring and already super focussed on maybe catching up on GOT before it’s time to go to sleep. We get to do this again tomorrow so I’m just going to let go of today and that will be that.

I’m sure season six episode five will be awesome. I’m going to forget what just happened and turn my attention in that direction.

Bon Appétit,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-15 Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

The kids got back on Sunday night and I got to hear all about their big adventure. Monday we had a pretty balanced day and I just could not help but feel how everything is right with the world again. I know they make me so mad sometimes but having them home is good and I just would really be lost without them.

Yesterday we went shopping for school supplies. I normally don’t batt an eyelash at such things but when our total rang up to like 60 bucks my jaw just dropped. That was just for paper and folders and pencils. I almost don’t believe it. They have expensive taste and like things to be well organized, just like their mom, so I can’t blame them. I just hope they realize if they are going to carry that taste with them their whole lives they better get good jobs to support that. My not having one right now is kind of eye opening because I look at every purchase like “do I really need that”. It’s good for me I think.

Today we have registration/check-in at the high school and after that I will be meeting with Chris W. back in Blackstone for coffee or ice-cream or something. We were supposed to go last week but I opted to reschedule so I could do that swim day with that person I have met up with several times now for coffee and his daughter. I’m not sure how the conversation with Chris will go as we only know each other through Matt. I wonder if he will have lots of questions or if it will all just be random catching up on stuff.

Tomorrow is the first full day of school and I will also be glad to get back into more of a routine schedule. Up at 7, done with drop-off by 8, and then I can figure out what to do with my time between 8 and 3.

Well, now I’ve got to pick Z and her friend up now in order to make it to registration in time. I’ve got a tight schedule if I want to do Jazzercise at 4:30.

Time’s a Wasting,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-13 Today is Mine

When I woke this morning at 7:33 after about 7 hours of sleep I said to myself, “Today is going to be my day”. I said it in a nice way, like I was going to hug the day and enjoy every minute of it’s time. Not in a mean sort of ownership way.

I’m rolling into a phase here where I intend to take my time and enjoy it and really do things I want to do. If that means I eat some ice cream and take a nap, then that is what it means. If it means I go on a 40 mile bike ride, then hooray for that. I’m going to try to not worry about the small things and appreciate all the wonderful parts of my life and the world around me.

So here now, after most of the day has come and gone, is “My Sunday” Status Update…

Jazzercise at 8:30 with one of my favorite instructors was a success. It was a great start to the day. When it was over at 9:30 though, I was done and left to go back home.

I spent about a half an hour putzing on the internets and completed my Red Cross “Rapid Pass” for the third time in two weeks. I have not needed it due to the low iron, but as I got in my car to drive to today’s location I said to myself again “Today is going to be my day”. Low and behold, my hemoglobin was 13.6 and so I was allowed to donate. Yes!! Great success.

After that I did a few random chores around the house and changed to go meet my sister downtown for Sushi. We went to Hiro 88 which I have not been to for sometime and it was awesome. I did not feel bad for ordering and eating the crab rangoon or some of each of the five rolls we selected or drinking two most delicious purple kimono drinks.

When I arrived back home I was really full and feeling very much like a nap would be a great idea but when I laid down, Josh texted and wanted to go for a walk. So I opted to get the steps instead. We went to Walnut which is about an hour walk and toward the end of it we both remarked that the trail is getting kind of boring. It really is. He also was lamenting about being hungry so we drove to Qdoba where he had a quesadilla and I had chips and queso. I knew I had overdone it when my stomach started to hurt. Too much goodness in one day.

That brings us to right about now. 7PM and the sun is starting to get low in the sky. I’ve had good conversations, good food, 15K steps, and am really ready for my kids to return home tonight. Today was my day. Tomorrow will be ours together.

Hasta Manana,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-12 Looking Forward

It’s good to have a plan. It’s good to have things to look forward to. An event or a meet up or a vacation in the future that you can think about and be excited about. I’m a planner by nature and I love having things to look forward to. That’s probably why I am always planning to meet people for lunches or daydreaming and scheming about my next road trip or vacation. From the moment Hawaii was a done deal, it has been a topic of discussion with people and a wonderful thing to be excited about. That happens in November and I bought those tickets last spring, so I will have enjoyed looking forward to that for like 6 months.

One thing that was great about my job was that it paid enough to support my travel habit. There are so many places I want to see and so many things that I want to do that as soon as I get back from one, I’m almost immediately thinking about what is next. The downside to the job thing is, well, only three weeks of paid vacation a year. Bummer. I’m also a fan of the long weekend, you know take a Friday and maybe even Monday too and take off for a road trip. I think my PTO balance at work was often hovering around zero. Whatever job I elect to have next, I would like more time off. Four weeks is not unheard of but five would be the bomb. That’s probably stretching it some.

I originally planned to take three months off of work. Well, three months where I was just going to get some serious R and R and not think about work at all and then potentially another three months looking for the “right” job. For the most part being off work has been great, but now that I am almost halfway through my first three and about a month past my big Pacific Northwest adventure, I am really starting to want to plan some more things with the time I have left.

I’m supposed to do a quick trip with my friend Denise to Beatrice to witness the Solar Eclipse on the 21st, but that will likely be a one day trip. The one day trip I took to that crappy water park in Grand Island was more of a spur of the moment thing and not super awesome. I need something more substantial. Yesterday I had texts with both my friend Rebecca in Austin and my Mom about potential trips.

It looks like we (my mom, the kids, and I) will be going to visit my brother in Colorado in October over the four day Columbus day weekend. That’s so far away still. I may be going to Austin mid September too. That will probably be decided here in the next couple of days. Rebecca also wants to plan a girls trip sometime in October or November so that will likely be awesome too. Then we are leading right into that first week of November when I will be on the island of Maui. So that’s all very excellent.

I’ve also been thinking I would like to get back to the Badlands this year. I love that place so much. That is one of the benefits of being in a relationship .. you have someone to experience things with. I don’t much mind traveling solo, but when you get to where you are going, eating all your meals and seeing cool things by yourself is just not the same. You see the most amazing sunrise and you look to your left and your right and don’t have anyone to say “wow, how cool is that” to. That’s a bummer. Still, it would be nice to get back there before my time runs out.

For the next few weeks I need to focus on getting the kids back to school and potentially doing a little soul searching about my future. That’s another kind of “looking forward” that I’ve intended for this time in my life. I should capitalize on that opportunity while I’m at home and waking up each and every wonderful day with the luxury of doing whatever it is I feel like.

I guess it’s time to do that now. I wonder what this day will bring.

Always Looking,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-11 Who Am I?

Today I dug a trench in my back yard and it’s almost ready for me to start doing the brick work. I also went for a bike ride and discovered where/how the Patio trail connects with the Keystone trail, so that 4th of July mystery has been solved. After that I took a nap and then went to Jazzercise which was closely followed by a walk at the high school track. It was a very full day indeed. Most of it, I spent alone.

Spending the day alone means lots of music in my ears and lots of thinking. I came to two conclusions…

The first is that I am really sick of the music on my phone and need some sort of introduction to something new. I don’t know if that means using a new app or something or just hanging out with different people who have different tastes.

The second is that it is sometimes difficult to define ones self. Who am I? If you take away my children, my job, my friends and family, and any ties to some partner in life, what am I left with? What do I like? As a person who is historically both a people pleaser and the most easy going/amiable to any plan, I’ve always gone with the flow. I’ve always done what other people have wanted me to do. When I am left alone, as I am now,  completely alone, who am I?

Today I chose a bike ride and some other exercise. I chose to work in my yard and ignore cleaning my house. I chose to write instead of read and I chose to be outside instead of inside. So is that who I am? What else is there? If someone were to ask me if there was anything in the world I could do what would it be? I don’t think I know. Does anyone know the answer to this for themselves? Does anyone really know who they are as a person or are we defined by our jobs and relationships?

I intend to find out who I am without my job, but I don’t want to separate myself from relationships because that’s my lifeline. That’s my safety net. As much as I feel over-burdened by my responsibilities to maintain my relationships sometimes, I would simply not know what to do without them. I would be lost and at risk of falling through without a net and potentially suffering some dire consequences.

OK, true confession time. It’s 9PM on a Friday and I’m all alone and getting ready for bed. I had two glasses of wine with my dinner of leftovers and am a little bit buzzed from that (yes, two glasses and that’s it). I’m about ready to go to bed for the night and tomorrow I am going to wake up and have all the same choices I had today. Will I chose the same things or try something new? Will I connect with people or remain alone for the day? Will I hang my hat on waiting for something to happen to me or will I go out and MAKE something happen. I don’t know. I don’t think I will know until tomorrow gets here and I’m right in the middle of it.

I guess if you really want to know, you will have to click back tomorrow and find out. Oh, now how is that for suspense? Haha!

Until Tomorrow. Gnight,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-11 It’s FriYay Again

I’m bound and determined to get my act together today and at the very least finish digging a trench for these edging pavers for my back garden. I also got it in my head yesterday that I would like to go for a bit of a bike ride and really see what’s up with patio trail and how that connects with a few other trails in the area. All this has to be done by like 4 because I am also bound and determined to go visit my friend Leah at her Jazzercise class at 4:30. I have not seen her for about a month.

I’m going to make this one quick today because I really want to get up and at it. No more communication back from my “beach day” friends. I’m very much confused about how when we are meeting in person it seems so very good but then there are such long stretches of silence in between. The longer it goes, the less hope I have for anything.

I had over 8 hours of sleep again last night which makes like 5 days in a row and that is a new record. My average sleep for the week is 8 hours and 1 minute and I can’t tell you how good that feels. I’m really loving the way I feel when I wake up. Refreshed, energized, happy. I could really get used to this. Of course in about four days the kids go back to school so we will all have to be getting up a little earlier. For me, I think the trick will be going to bed earlier too. I should do that anyway and set a good example for the kids. They don’t get back until Sunday so it is going to be an abrupt change for them. Hopefully they have been getting up early on their vacation with their dad.

OK, no more stalling. I’m going to go straight to the backyard to get to work. I need to keep my eyes closed until I get there so I don’t get distracted (again) by something else along the way.

Doing the FriYay Dance,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-10 Strange Days (Part Two)

Two days ago I woke up with a plan. I was going to have coffee with Barb in the morning and a meet up with Chris W. in the afternoon in the Blackstone district and probably somewhere in there get started on my edging project.

Coffee went as expected, and conversation with Barb was good, but that was about the only think that happened as planned. About noon I received a text from one of the people I met recently. Really the last one I had originally connected with and actually met in person before I decided to ditch the swiping. He wanted to know if I would like to join him and his daughter at the lake for a swim. First thought in my head was like, “No way I can do that”, but instead I texted back “That sounds great”. What was I thinking.

– I don’t swim very well and hate having my head under the water.
– I would be in a bikini and all my flaws will be exposed.
– It’s a time commitment and I had other things scheduled.
– And .. and .. and…

However, my desire to see this person again must have overwrote all those excuses. That must mean something. It must be a sign that something is meant to happen. He initiated this meet up (unlike the others), and so I had to go for it. My mind countered with…

– Then he will know you can’t swim very well and if that’s a problem, that’s his problem (who would judge a person on not being able to swim anyway?).
– I’m comfortable with the way I look and have to learn to accept my flaws. If he does not like what he sees, again, that is his problem and it would be better to know now.
– I can reschedule anything else and put off the backyard project for another day.
– And .. and .. and… I have to get myself out of my damn comfort zone or nothing is ever going to happen with my life.

And so I got my ass to the store and bought some waterproof mascara. Yes this was the one thing that was absolutely necessary that I was unwilling to compromise on. When I arrived back home, I put on my bikini, and layered on shorts and a tank top and grabbed my flip flops, sunscreen, towel, and bag and off I went.

I texted Chris to postpone our meet up until next week. I put the address into my phone and then let autopilot take over while I had a mini freak out in my head about this sudden event. Still sort of in denial that I was really doing it.

When I arrived at his house, it was nice and quaint and clean. A brief look around and I could tell he has good quality things and not too many things. Music was prevalent and a nice stereo system. His daughter greeted me at the door also and she was bubbly and talkative. We had a brief conversation and then gathered a few things and went down the stairs to the basement where the garage was.

I’m not going to dig into the play-by-play for this whole day, because it was a long day and there was a lot to it. It started with us driving to the beach, where we spent several hours and I had a much nicer time than I expected, despite my not being able to swim. That was followed by his daughter cooking dinner for us back at his place, which was followed by watching a good movie. I think I left his place around 11PM. The moment that I left, my brain went a little cray-cray.

I was immediately thinking back to all the moments of the day and doing a micro-analysis on each one. I felt happy and sad and hopeful and also a twinge of regret. I decided to drive up Hamilton street which is very near where he lives and go past the first house I ever owned. I’m very rarely in that neighborhood so I thought I would just see the old place, but when I drove by, I burst into tears. It’s my whole life. This is my life and I don’t want to waste any more time. I wasted a lot of years and that house brought me back to a time when none of those years had happened yet. In an instant, I wished I was 25 so I could do it all again.

Maybe I was crying because I know I can’t. I don’t really know.

I had a wonderful time that day and all the conversation and the interaction with him and his daughter were good. It was amazing she cooked us dinner and even though the movie made me cry, I was OK with that because that exposes me for who I am. I’m emotional and empathetic and I often cry at movies and shows when they are sad. That’s just the real me.

I wondered if I should text him to let him know I had a nice time and then I convinced myself to not overthink it and just text. So I did. He responded and then that was it for the night.

So much of it is still fresh in my mind. It was such a departure from everything in my life right now. It felt surreal to sit at that dinner table being served and it felt “right” (not the being served part, the three of us sharing a meal part). In the day that followed, I fought against my instinct to get mentally carried away. Ive put myself very much back on the “let him text you first” approach. If he still wants to see me, then he will let me know. If he does not, well, then, I will be disappointed but better to know sooner rather than later.

It was a strange day, indeed. A good day, but a strange day. After my migraine and medically induced sleep last night, I really was hoping to get back to a more normal day today. For the most part it was. Tomorrow is Friday and it looks like it is going to be another banner weather day. So much the better for making more progress in the back.

It’s just past 10PM now and I can barely keep my eyes open.

Stranger than Fiction,
~Miss SugarCookie