2018-01-17 Happy Blog-aversary

We’re over half way into January now and well past what my typical “reflection” time is for the previous year. I did a little, over December that spilled into January and recognize how far I’ve come in just one year, but there is one key thing that should not be dismissed easily and bears mentioning.

I briefly included this in my last “Sunday Status Update” for the year which happened to be on January 7th, but only so far as statistics go. What I am referring to is this blog and how it was a major contributing factor in my journey to live a healthier, more fulfilling life. It was my declaration from the start and not once have I gone back to edit that statement of purpose that appears at the top of every page.

Since the day I started, it has been, and continues to be a vital part of my journey. Writing for this blog every day has helped me see things more clearly. It has help me articulate what I am thinking. It has provided me daily practice in sharpening my craft and opened my eyes so that I can be witness to and report on the world around me, however small that is. It’s also helped me in some intangible ways that are difficult to describe.

Some day’s I feel as though I am talking to a dear friend and others I feel like I might be talking to a therapist. Some days I’m in the mood to rant about the world, and that’s OK, because this is my space to do that. I’ve carved out a little corner of the world and claimed it as my own. Some day’s I’m hopeful for the future and some days are just down-right miserable and no matter what nonsense or earth shattering revelations I decide to write about, it’s really just for me and I have no expectations higher than the satisfaction I get from writing and contributing to the collective consciousness of the world.

The day I started happened to be January 15, 2017. That first post is timestamped as January 16, because by default “Wordpress” was using the wrong time zone for my part of the world. At that time I really had no idea how often I would write or if I would even have enough to say. I never imagined then, how the story would unfold.

I missed the anniversary date of the inaugural post by a few days.. that’s a bummer. I like to celebrate anniversaries. I like to acknowledge the passing of time and look back and see the distance that has been travelled. It brings me comfort to see it and makes me excited for the future. A year ago, I never knew what things might be possible and so much has changed in this past year that I realize now that ANYTHING is possible.

So happy first blog-aversary to me and to anyone who tunes in to read my musings. Thanks for being a part of the story. Here’s to another great year to come!

Cheers,
~Miss SugarCookie

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2017-12-27 That’s So Meta

While I was dating Matt, he never seemed that interested in my writing. When I met him I already had my first two blogs. One was the original WordPress site which is still active today and houses all my “public worthy” creative writing. The second was my somewhat hidden tumblr account which was intended for the darker side of my thoughts. I say somewhat hidden because I used my same moniker and you could google that and find it.

I figured, if someone really was digging for shit on me, that meant they really cared. It didn’t matter to me why because it’s all just feelings and I’ve really got nothing to hide. Sort of.

In Matt’s case, we had a mutual friend, Josh. Josh and I had history, albeit one-sided. It was a one way infatuation and that was something I really didn’t think he needed to know about so that was the one time I went back and edited my words to conceal something. I probably didn’t need to.. I don’t think he ever looked for it or read it.

Though he did often question why I had multiple blogs. He could not understand the logic behind it. I explained that they were for different purposes and he just stuck to his guns on his viewpoint.

In 2014 I made a resolution to blog every day.. and created a third blog for that purpose. Hence, Miss SugarCookie was born. That truly was intended to be anonymous and so nothing about it was linked to my main blog, or name, or social media accounts. Not that it would have mattered.. it was all just day to day fluff and none of it really mattered.

After the fact I imported all 365 days worth of posts from Tumblr to WordPress and then linked it to my WordPress profile so it’s not really that anonymous anymore. I don’t think Matt ever read that one either. He just rolled his eyes when I said that I was creating another blog.

When we met for coffee a few weeks ago, we talked about my little HVAC adventure which he happens to know about purely from our sparse text conversations. He said “you should blog about that”. Really??!

So you wait unti it’s all just dust in the wind between us to encourage that.. or even show you have thoughts about it? In my head I was thinking “oh if you only knew”. Because, of course, I did blog all about it, and all kinds of other stuff too. Which gave me a huge pause. Omg .. what if he did know?

I know he doesn’t, but what if he did? This is all just my raw, unedited, thoughts and feelings and he’s obviously one of the characters in the story. As a very private person who doesn’t share much with anyone, he’d probably be beside himself if he knew.

Then again, I trust people to recognize there are two sides to every story. And details can be included or omitted to lead a person to one conclusion.

For example, I happen to know that when he first started dating his new girlfriend, he told her I broke up with him via email. That alone makes me seem cold-hearted. But if you provide the rest of the backstory it paints a different picture.

I’m guilty of this too, of course. I think it’s human nature to censor our words in order to make our point and sway someone in our favor.

I wasn’t blogging during train wreck season last year, but if I was, all my transgressions which were contributing factors to the dissolution of our relationship would have also been “revealed”. I did some things I was not proud of. I was emotionally driven, which is no excuse, but there are puzzle pieces to the story which I have chosen to not disclose. Maybe sometime I’ll double back and do that, but today is not the day.

One of the other things Matt suggested during our meeting was that I blog about cheeseburgers. So, even if he never cared that much about my writing, at least he gets me. 😜

I don’t think Simon gets me. In truth, I was leery of sharing too much because I was so unsure about what our relationship was or what it might be in the future. I’ve been in a holding pattern waiting to see where things were going. Now that I know it’s not going anywhere, it doesn’t really matter.

I’ve wanted to write more about all that, but it just never seemed to be my main focus which, in itself, is revealing.

He brought me cut flowers again on Christmas Eve. After all my other guests were gone, I told him I didn’t like cut flowers. I fell short of saying “if you read my poetry, you would know that.”. There’s no point in that now, is there.

Still, I think it will remain a good litmus test… the interest in the writing, that is, not the cut flowers.

He actually tried to convince me the longevity of these particular flowers might change my mind. This was half admirable and half folly. I guess I’ll just have to see how long they DO last and decide which side wins after that.

Ok.. that’s enough blogging about blogging for one day.

Happy Hump Day!

~Miss SugarCookie

2017-10-28 Switching Gears.. In 3rd Person

The post that is the conclusion of the “to be continued” previous posts on career and health and romance will be coming to the WordPress reader steam near you soon. However, at this time we are interrupting that regularly scheduled programming to take you to our world traveling corespondent, Miss SugarCookie.

She will be blogging live from sunny warm Hawaii at this time tomorrow. 

Follow along as she navigates the wretched adventure that is Air travel with two of our favorite allies tagging along to provide the Gen Z outlook on the situation. 

After that, it will be 7 days of tropical bliss to follow. You can expect to read about Haleakala and Hana and whatever other awesomeness they encounter. 

Check back daily for philosophical epiphany inspired by the beauty in nature and how it feels to be sleeping in and basking in the sun of 85 degree days in November. 

This destination is a lifelong, bucket list dream of our beloved Miss SugarCookie. You won’t want to miss it!

Time now to go finish laundry and travel prep.. her bags won’t pack themselves. 😉

Totally Stoked!
~Miss SugarCookie

(Oh yeah, I’m a blogging staff of one. Impressive right?!)

2017-10-23 I Did It!! 😃

I’ve been writing for over 30 years. I’ve been meandering happily along the path of life and always choosing something else as my priority. Be that as it may, writing has always been my rock. It’s been my “way out”. It’s been one of the only things that I could truly rely on at every turn. 😃

I’ve always wanted to be brave with my writing and overcome my fears in sharing it with others. In 2010 I made a very big leap of faith and started posting content online to a WordPress blog.

https://shyspark.wordpress.com

That’s where all the poetry goes. It’s still active, though not as active as I would like. If people ask me for my blog, that’s the one I direct them to but I have several other blogs that I have started for various reasons since then.

I have a blog of not so polished/publish worthy things. This one is super inactive and I have not posted since 2015. It’s supposed to be rough drafts and attempts to use daily prompts and I’ve often found with everything else, I have not had the time for it.

https://twollamaspajamas.wordpress.com/

I have a blog that was a journal of my daily life and times for the entire year of 2014. Due to the fact that this was a blog dedicated to just that one year, December 31st, 2014 was the last time I posted to it.

http://miss-sugarcookie.tumblr.com/

I have a blog of rants and negative thoughts (written in a collective 1st person). The last post on this one was last year.

http://shyspark.tumblr.com/

The interesting thing about tumblr (or at least the theme I use), is that the year isn’t present, so a person has no idea if what they just read was from 2012 or 2017. I think I stopped posting there because I’m wide open for ranting on my Organic Miss SugarCookie blog

https://theorganicsugarcookie.wordpress.com/

Which is, of course, the blog you are reading right now. Somewhat akin to what I did in 2014, but much more.. ummm.. organic. 😉

So I guess you could say that I have become used to posting things online and have certainly gotten over my fear of having other people read what I have written, even if it is only a small handful of people.

What doesn’t make sense then, is why it has taken me so long to open up to the idea of submitting my work for print or other online publications. I am sure fear of rejection has played into it somewhat, but a few days ago I dug a little deeper into this topic and found that my fear of rejection probably stems from fear that my work is worthy and my poetry is mediocre.

At the heart of it, I am wondering if part of my motivation for applying to the MFA program is to somehow get credentials to validate that I am really a writer and that my work will be more worthy because of that. I can certainly say after spending the last few days researching “how to submit poetry”, having a degree shows people you are serious.

Otherwise, I worry that I am just going to come across like a girl with a broken heart who keeps trying at life but often feels like a failure. Will people just see me as a Hallmark card writer with a flair for the melancholy? I hope not. The jury on my MFA application is still out (for the love of Cheese and Crackers what is taking them so long?), but while I am waiting I’ve gathered the courage to officially start submitting my poetry. YES!!

Just a few minutes ago, I finally pushed the submit button on the online submission form for a literary magazine that I really dig, “The Sun”. That’s the one with a call for submissions of poetry with a theme of love and justice. They allow up to five poems per writer and so that is what I have gathered to send.

I wrote three new poems, which was just outstanding and included two others that were “sort of” in line with the theme. It feels like I’ve finally opened a door that I’ve been peeking inside of for years. Immediately after I hit submit, I started to cry. I can’t believe I finally did it.

Obviously if they accept one of my poems, I will be on the tippy-top of the world, but it doesn’t even matter if they do at this point. What matters is that I did it and now that is behind me. The next one should be even easier.

I can’t even begin to imagine what will happen next. If history repeats itself, in another seven years I might just have submitted to hundreds of publications and contests. I may even have been published in a few. I may have my own book and be the one on the other side of those writing workshops. Who knows, anything is possible.

No matter what happens, at least now I can finally say I am following my own advice.. “Today is a Good Day to Start”.

Cheers!
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-09-07 I’m So Done With Being On the Edge

I think I am finally finished with the edging. Hooray!! I should stop and treat myself to something I love to celebrate that success (if I am following my own advice that is).

The lines are good and the bricks are somewhat packed in (as much as I can with my body weight). I had some spare fill dirt/topsoil for another project that I used to fill in either side of the trench. I could spend hours more using the hammer and 2 by 4 I have to really pack that dirt in, but not now. I’ve spent way too much time already. At this moment, I am really done with looking at the edge, contemplating the edge, working on the edge, and it has, quite literally, put me “on the edge”.

I think when I go to plant the spring bulbs I’m planning, that will be another opportunity to go methodically through the line and do more. We will see if that actually comes to pass. Right now, I need to turn my attention to some other things that I have neglected over the past week.

It is a good thing that I am a “list” person. Everything that I have thought of or come across that I know I was not going to be able to get to has gone on the list. I probably have ten items that need attention at this point. Luckily all of them are going to be quick. Some phone calls and a few things online.

I expect that I’ll be caught up by the end of the weekend as long as I don’t get distracted by any more gardening projects. I couldn’t help but buy a few more things from the Home Depot clearance section and will want to figure out what to do with them soonish.

As I noted yesterday, the writing and blogging is something I have not been doing as much of in the last few days and I’m hoping to spend some time on a few different topics. I’ve been eating a little better, sleeping a little better, and am getting ample exercise and have not compromised those things and I’ve got some thoughts on all of it. I also have some more thoughts about relationships and my picture of that and connections with people is constantly evolving.

Once again the kids will be home from school soon so I am going to cut this off now and be ready to switch to “mom” mode.

Later Gaterz,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-11 It’s FriYay Again

I’m bound and determined to get my act together today and at the very least finish digging a trench for these edging pavers for my back garden. I also got it in my head yesterday that I would like to go for a bit of a bike ride and really see what’s up with patio trail and how that connects with a few other trails in the area. All this has to be done by like 4 because I am also bound and determined to go visit my friend Leah at her Jazzercise class at 4:30. I have not seen her for about a month.

I’m going to make this one quick today because I really want to get up and at it. No more communication back from my “beach day” friends. I’m very much confused about how when we are meeting in person it seems so very good but then there are such long stretches of silence in between. The longer it goes, the less hope I have for anything.

I had over 8 hours of sleep again last night which makes like 5 days in a row and that is a new record. My average sleep for the week is 8 hours and 1 minute and I can’t tell you how good that feels. I’m really loving the way I feel when I wake up. Refreshed, energized, happy. I could really get used to this. Of course in about four days the kids go back to school so we will all have to be getting up a little earlier. For me, I think the trick will be going to bed earlier too. I should do that anyway and set a good example for the kids. They don’t get back until Sunday so it is going to be an abrupt change for them. Hopefully they have been getting up early on their vacation with their dad.

OK, no more stalling. I’m going to go straight to the backyard to get to work. I need to keep my eyes closed until I get there so I don’t get distracted (again) by something else along the way.

Doing the FriYay Dance,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-06 On Blogging (That’s So Meta)

It was either the 20K steps I had yesterday or the two glasses of wine that did me in by like 10:30pm. Perhaps I should consider that I was up at 4:50am without much significant rest all day. I woke today around 5:45am, partially due to the pressure in my bladder and partially due to my kitten complaining about something. I chucked several decorative pillows at her from the bed, but she kept coming back making more noise. Finally at 6 I opened the curtains and the windows to get some fresh air in the room. It’s very overcast today.

Sometimes when I post things on WordPress I get likes and I end up going to look at what those people have written. Many times it’s some promotional site for some thing or other and I quickly navigate away. Sometimes, however, it’s a real human being who is also just posting about their life or opinions or short stories or poetry. I know some people get lost in an endless stream of videos on You-Tube these days, but I could fare about the same with the WordPress content that is available. I find myself most drawn to the other people who are writing about themselves. It’s fascinating and then I realize, hey, that’s what I’m doing.

I’ve had a couple of people inquire about my blog in real life and I have been quite leery to share. I very much appreciate writing under the presence that “nobody” is actually reading and then I don’t find myself giving much thought to needing to alter my words for the sake of any person. I know the tried and true rule about knowing your audience, and if I know I have an audience, then there might be some slight modifications because of that. That being said, there are a few people who do know what the site is, and I’m happy to say I don’t think it is affecting the outcome.

The first was a person I dated back in 2010 and we ran into each other late last year and then again early this year. That was very early in this endeavor and since I had not seen this person in so long, I did not think their knowing would change things. I honestly don’t know if he reads any of this. I mean, for real, who has time for that (besides me)?

The second person was my closest colleague at my last job. That one was sort of a happy accident I think. I don’t remember how the topic came about, but I eluded to the fact that I post to a blog and he took it upon himself to go hunting things out. He’s the one who discovered that my blogs were all listed together in the “Gravitar” section of my main blog including this one which I had wanted to keep concealed. I wanted this blog to remain somewhat anonymous and there it was, right under my picture and the three or four other blogs I have. Whoops. I’ve fixed that now, thanks to him.

I am not sure if he reads the things I write either. He also shared with me what his blog was and I subscribe to that and read those just about as soon as they are posted (I get a notification via email). His stuff is more retrospective but contain insight into his present state of mind. He’s a good writer and I enjoy reading his posts. I also get a little inspired to perhaps do more “backstory” posts or even deeper dives into certain topics that I think of from something that has happened, but for some reason I haven’t seem to do much of that yet.

I don’t ever seem to get past the “this is what I did today” stuff, which is quite dreadful really. I’ve even written before about the fact that so much of that is just repeating the same thing over and over. I mean, how much can one person talk about their sleep deprivation or achievements? Apparently in my case, quite a lot. I’m more than half a year in and still at it though so it’s definitely doing something for me. I don’t tend to think about it much, which is strange, but I do feel like my writing and this blog have helped me “dig out” of the hole that I had dug for myself in recent times. I really don’t see any conclusion for it anytime soon either.

So I’m going to go ahead and keep on living, and writing, and posting, and reading and we’ll see where that leads. I might be going no-where, but at least I have a great record of my ride.

Today is Sunday. I’ve long ago abandoned the idea that there is a formula for a perfect Sunday. I used to think if you did paint by numbers, so to speak, and practiced yoga and had coffee and sushi and cocktails and writing and listening to music and walking that you could not go wrong. It seems logical enough, but even doing all that may not guarantee a win for the day. There’s some magic ingredient that eludes me. Hopefully it is not sunshine, because it looks like we will be having none of that today. Very overcast indeed.

Just Keep Swimming,
~Miss SugarCookie