2018-04-07 Five Weeks

Five weeks ago today, I was waking up and laying in bed and going through my normal single-girl routine…

Pick up the phone.. check for text.. check email.. look for app notification badges, Facebook, Twitter, WordPress.. open Bumble and make a decision about swiping right or left on the current person whom I presumably was stuck on for some reason or I probably would have swiped already. Then I would keep swiping until I got stuck again or decided I had better things to do with my Saturday morning.

Five weeks ago is when I first laid eyes on pics of JS and swiped right. I honestly don’t remember if it was a match right away or if it came shortly after that. In either case, by the time I was on my elliptical machine at the gym, that same morning, we were already texting. That text conversation ended with a plan for having a phone conversation later in the afternoon.

It was a warm day for early March. Sunny and Temps in the 50s but with some wicked wind. When 2PM rolled around, I grabbed my phone and headphones and headed out my front door for a walk and a chat. It was a great idea, but the wind was problematic. He was outside too and we both struggled with the wind noise.

I did a move around my block and settled back on my front porch which is pretty shielded from the wind. He ended up at a spot on a patio in his back yard. It was a great conversation. Right away I really dig the fact he was full of questions and the conversation was so easy. Even with him bringing up most topics, he shared equal info about himself.

It was mostly the main things.. where you are from, what you do for a living, what’s the family status (kids, ages, etc). We probably talked for an hour and a half and the end of that conversation, if I’m remembering correctly, ended in a plan to meet soon.

Soon turned out to be that evening!! “Life is too short” he said, and I agreed. So that night we met at a wine bar and had more great conversation over a few glasses if wine (him white, me Red). Again, it was super easy conversation and it made it even easier because he’s nice to look at. 😉

Believe me, I’ve shown up for a first Meetup and been surprised that the person I was meeting didn’t look anything like their picture. I think JS is even better looking in person so it was super happy about that.

I think I nursed one glass of wine for about an hour and a half and he was sensitive to the fact that my kids were home alone so we called it a night. I assured him they were capable of taking care of themselves but he insisted and I let that be the final.

He walked me out and toward my car and as we were saying goodbye I was wondering if he was going to try and kiss me goodbye. He didn’t, so I requested one. A girl’s got to know, you know?! It was nice. 😊

He then walked me closer to my car and when he saw I drive a Prius, he said that he used to drive one. That sticks out in my mind for some reason.

That was five weeks ago.. the day I met JS and our first date. Here we are five weeks later and couldn’t be happier.

I realize now that it’s more than checking boxes, as it should be. Yes.. all the boxes are checked ✅ and there’s no red flags 🇹🇳, but it’s so much more, and tough to articulate or write about. Perhaps because I’m not used to writing about this situation. I historically just haven’t, so I’m not as practiced at this than I am at what to say when my heart is broken.

I’ve written him a few times directly, with my thoughts and feelings, and I know based on our conversations he’s feeling the same way. It seems sort of impossible or not real, but I’ve had a few weeks to get used to it and let me tell you, it’s easy to get used to.

One of the best parts has been the easy communication that has been continuous. He’s responsive and not only was interested in my writing but read my poetry blog (not this one), and without any prompting, he read into my poem with the statements about cut flowers AND initiated a conversation about that specifically!! Like he was reading my mind. Wow!!

So far, we’ve been ‘out’ about half a dozen times and the rest has been meeting at his house and he’s cooked for me and we’ve watched a movie and played pool and just sat and talked. He’s also cooked me breakfast (that was pretty awesome too)! 😉

After about two weeks, I was confident I was not going to be ghosted again and now, I’m starting to allow myself to daydream about the future. Five weeks ago I never would have guessed this is where I would be in April. Never. Amazing!

So now I’m cautiously super optimistic and just trying to enjoy each conversation and date. I’m dating!! My relationship status is no longer single!!! Huzzah!!!! 🌈☀️🎉💕😊

Now THIS is the Life! (Bout time),

~Miss SugarCookie

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2018-03-19 Delayed Sunday Status – The “Big News” Edition

What day is it again? I’ve been traveling on a new track and apparently left my sense of time a few stops back.

Oh yeah.. Monday. It’s been a few days since I’ve done anything resembling my normal routine, and my balance was definitely off this past weekend. I’m going to try and rediscover my center of gravity today and since I completely breezed by Sunday, I’m going to start by checking-in in my stats from last week.

Steps and Exercise.. 16K average per day. Not quite on par with where it has been (20k), but still above goal which is 15K per day. I had a few 25K days and that helped balance out the two days I fell way short of the 15. One contributing factor of the decline was the fact I only did 2 Jazzercise classes all week. There are reasons for that, of course, but I’ll get to that.

Food was pretty variable too. I didn’t do a stellar job of rejecting all the birthday goodies, but in hind site I did ok. If there is one thing I can see in the horizon for this is yet another attempt to minimize gluten. I’ve had a reoccurrence of a past irritation which was alienated before by eliminating gluten for over 6 months. Not solid on my level of commitment there, but it would be easier than ever given the, now, wide spread social and economic support of this lifestyle choice.

Sleep.. 7 hours and 9 minutes average per night and I’ll take it! This is arguably my most important stat and the most neglected area. If there’s something that always sufferes from my poor choices, this is it. I’m going to try very hard this week to get to bed at a good hour.

Work is really taking off now I think and I hit my goal for hours last week with more left undone. I don’t see there being any trend back the other way either. I now have my fingeres in more pies and I can feel my team members trusting me more. And at long last, my checking account is safely back in the black. Still not good enough to start looking at my wish list, but getting there.

My schoolwork has been severely neglected for a couple weeks now and I’m detecting a very bad trend. The panic monster is snoring hard and I’m content just to dance around and ignore it. That’s not good. I need to get back to my reading and writing. I need to set aside dedicated time and make this a priority. It’s going to get even tougher I think given my other status change. Which once again brings me to everyone’s favorite train wreck topic. This time, however, I feel like I’m riding the Eurostar.

At the present moment I’m thoroughly enjoying the smooth, elegant ride. The easy, effortless way I’m being propelled forward on this track makes the speed seem virtually unnoticeable. I’ve only known Bachelor #15 for two weeks, but It feels like much longer and I’m quite pleased with how things are going. This definitely deserves more words, and I have more, but out of time now. I’ll just end by officially stating that my relationship status is now happily being changed to “dating”!!! ☮️💕😊

If this train wrecks, I probably won’t survive because I’ll likely drown somewhere between London and Paris.

Time to Monday,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-15 Ohhh the Ides

One doesn’t have to look too far to find why this day in history has been marked with a black cloud .. for Ceasar and for my Family. Every year we sort of hold our breath waiting for March to pass. I don’t want to repeat myself and I wrote a little about it last year. If you are interested, last years post is Here.

I’m hoping to balance all that out (as much as one could) with my 4th date with Bachelor #15. He’s going to cook me dinner at his house and then we are going to watch that movie we planned to watch on our second date but ran out of time. I’m really looking forward to it.

I think having a 4th date breaks some sort of record. I’m cautiously hopeful about this guy. He seems awesome and I keep daydreaming about the future. Something in the back of my head can’t help but be skeptical though. Is this the date where he decides he’s not that into me and tomorrow “poof” he’s gone?

I wasn’t like this a year ago so it’s definitely the dating scene that’s caused this paranoia. To be fair, a year ago I was still trying really hard to get over my ex and not think about him every damn day. I think it was June that I downloaded the Bumble dating app and started swiping.

I’ve decided that if this new guy decides to exit stage left, that’s it for Bumble. I’ve sealed that deal by deleting the app. I don’t really have a plan B other than to just take a break from that madness for a while. Dating should be fun, and it hasn’t been. That being stated, every interaction with Bachelor #15 has been really great so far.. fun, perfect dates, great conversation, balanced. He’s checking all the boxes and making me smile.. that’s how it’s supposed to be!! 😊

Until our dinner date tonight at his house, I have all day in an empty, quiet house to get some work done. It’s been a while and I’m very much looking forward to the break. I’m a little behind this week on things for work (all self imposed deadlines), but in the next few days I’ll be able to dig in and concentrate.

In any case, I’m going to minimize my chances of running into any soothsayers today by staying close to home. I don’t need anyone telling me to “Beware the Ides”. And if I get murdered tonight like Ceasar did, then wont that be just the grandest irony ever! 😜

Here’s to Shakespeare,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-09 French Fry Day

This morning I woke with a headache which was half blutini and half cycle day one trying really hard to make an appearance (presumably). I only had two drinks at dinner last night so it can’t just be all that.

Despite my spidey-sense being off when it comes to meeting new people lately, I decided once again to trust it and let bachelor #15 pick me up at my house for dinner out and then a movie at his place.

My house wasn’t really company-worthy but I gave him the grand tour anyway. My daughter is mortified that I showed her room in its current state and said “never do that again”. Ha! Ive decided that it’s just better just to be real and show people how we really live anyway.

“Here’s my daughter’s room, littered with clean and dirty clothes and my dining room being prepped for painting and every other room severely in need of dusting and vacuuming”. It paints a clear picture that I like to live in very uncluttered spaces for the most part, but am not the most diligent housekeeper and also that I let my kids be the ruler of their own rooms.

After that we went for sushi which is always a good choice. There’s lots to talk about when you first meet someone and the conversation was pretty effortless. When dinner was over it was time to go to watch the movie at his place. Or at least that was the plan.

By the time we got through the tour of his house, which was pretty sizable, and talked about lots of things along the way, it was getting too late to start a show so he drove me back home. I explained that I really wanted to see the movie but also really wanted to enjoy it and not be too tired and it was already past 10.

When we parted ways, I told him to text me when he got home but I was already half asleep when that came in. Skipping the movie was a good call.

This brings me right back to 6 am waking up after sleeping 6.5 hours with a slight headache. The kids stayed at their dads last night but were texting me before 7am wanting to come home. I took my daily doses of curcumin and caffeine and drive to pick them up.

Today I need to put a heavy focus on work and get some hours in. I should probably start that soon actually.

It’s French Friday.. Time to Kechup,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-08 Wandering Thursday Thoughts

Today is going to be action packed.. but first.. gym time.

I took C to school early this AM for a study session to prep for a social studies test. How terrible! I always hated social studies. History, government, anything that was anything about something so 100 years or more ago. Yuk!!

I still feel this way for the most part but here’s something I’m finding quite intriguing. There’s quite a bit of history in my texts for school right now and all of it contributes to different theories about the different eras of literature and poetry and the style of those times. There’s influence from social and economic factors stemming from many events in time and human development. I’m finding all that super interesting. I never thought I would care about what happened during the Renaissance or the outcomes of different conflicts and the long term impacts, but here I am digging in and wanting more. Color me surprised.

Turning away from history and focusing back on today.. There’s a promise of action packed adventure. I’m not going to try and guess if Z will still be sleeping when we get home, but if so it will give me a little time to check in on Work stuff and get ready for the day.

We’re hitting the DMV, then food out somewhere and then shopping this afternoon. She’s really into anime right now and other cult following type shows so we’re hitting Stella’s and Hot topic. She has gift certificates for both. Not sure how long all that will take. Last year we went to a movie but talking about it last night, there’s nothing out right now she wants to see. Me either I guess.

I’ve wanted to see a few of the academy award winning shows from this year but just haven’t had an occasion to and was also holding out to see who the winners were. Now I really want to see The Shape of Water and magically, tonight that’s going to happen.

It’s an official second date. Of all the first dates I’ve gone on, I’ve only ever had three second dates, four if you count Simon who I never really dated. 😂

First was Country, who ghosted me after our second Meetup. Next was Alabama who literally moved a week after we met. The latest was 🤔 “Mr. Media”, who I actually went on three dates with before I was ghosted. It’s a good thing I’m not seriously a crazy person or I would be going ghost hunting to give these douchebags a piece of my mind.

In truth, I did date Simon. We only went “out” on a date like four times and all were initiated and paid for by yours truly. I took him out for sushi at Hiro. I took him to grey plume for his birthday, I took him to the Matchbox 20 concert. The last one was a dinner out some unmemorable place in Dundee for which he had a gift card from referring ME to a financial advisor friend of his.

Of all the things I’m grateful for over those five months, which there were several positive things, meeting that other person is high on the list. The rest of the times we hung out it was either me driving to his house or our kids having a play date. I’m big at defining things and based on my definition, those aren’t really dates.

Tonight is definitely a date. Dinner and a movie.. it’s the classic definition of a date. I have a feeling he’s even going to pay for it. How novel!! We’ve talked on the phone several times now and have had fairly regular text conversation. So far, there’s nothing that would lead me to believe he’s the ghosting type, but I’ve been fooled before.

Like I’ve questioned before.. how hard is it to say “I’m not that into you”. I’m a big girl.. I can take it. Besides, I know a good connection is rare and I have no problem recognizing all the reasons someone might not want to go out again. I’ve been honest and direct after first dates and I guess I’d like to get that in return.

In any case, I’m going to slow my roll on this one and just enjoy the Sushi and a movie that I’ve really wanted to see.

Right now though.. time to go wake up my darling daughter.

Peace Out,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-04 Peculiar Weather Patterns

What a week! Such highs and lows all in the same 7 days. It’s like the weather in Nebraska, wait a day and it will change. Sometimes dramatically.

First I’ll start with the the baseline, to establish there is sill some consistency and order in the world. For me, that’s the exercise..

20.3k average steps per day for the last 7 days. The last 3 or 4 days have been higher than normal and I think it’s because the weather is getting nicer and I’ve had several opportunities to be outside. I still only did a couple Jazzercise classes this week so most of those steps were just gym time and walking.

The sleep slump continues. 5 hours 48 minutes average for the week. I have nobody but myself to blame for this. Poor life choices strike again! It is, in part, due to the ups and downs of the week.

School.. procrastination forced a huge surge of activity in the beginning of the week and after Wednesday I’ve dropped quickly down to only spending an hour a day on it. I started a new text which is already very thought provoking so I think that’s going to help keep me engaged this month.

Work.. I put in 18 hours and as it happened the bulk of that began Thursday after my school stuff was over. It really worked out perfectly and now I’ve also got a few more tasks transitioned to me so hopefully I can get into that sweet spot soon.

Eating… Just terrible unhealthy choices all week. I’ve refused to get on the scale the last couple of days because I’m afraid of what I’m going to see. I think I’ve been stress eating junk food. I’m going to blame the dudes. Which brings me to everyone’s favorite topic.. Relationship status.

Single, actively looking, and how I feel about it changes every damn day. Toward the beginning of the week I was having tons of communication with another Bumbler and we ended up meeting up on Monday for dinner. It went really well. Seriously like afterward we texted back and forth in agreement that it was great. There was less communication the days following that and now.. I’m pretty sure I’ve been ghosted again. What is it with People?!

I’ve met my fair share of guys now and had good first dates and terrible ones, but in every case where I wasn’t feeling it, I’ve been very staightforward about it. How hard is it to say “thanks, but I don’t feel a connection, or chemistry, or insert any benign comment that lets them know it’s not them specifically.

This last one was worse because it feels like he was intentionally leading me on and was also dishonest. For sure agreeing with me that there was a good connection now seems like a flat out lie. Why??! I just don’t get it. It really makes me leery of what every guy might say to me.

Mid week I drank myself away from that situation and by Thursday I was swiping again. 🙄 I changed my search parameters and basically spent a fair amount of time going through EVERY matching profile. Yes. I swiped all the way to the bottom. Ha! 😂

I had a typical amount of matches and elected to delete a few but started about 10 conversations. Only about half responded which I’d like to believe is because they are no longer actively using the app.

Then yesterday, another match came through and I initiated a conversation. There was a little messaging through the app and then he wanted to talk on the phone, which we did in the afternoon while I walked my neighborhood. After that, we messaged briefly again and he asked to meet me. Well.. “yes please”.

We worked out that the only time that worked in the short term was that night (yes, yesterday). We met at a wine bar and talked for about 2 hours Over a couple glasses of wine and it was really great. He’s good looking, has a great career, intelligent, funny, and super easy to talk to.

He was even thoughtful enough to ask me to text when I get home so he would know I got there ok. I found that sweet. I’m just a sucker. 🤷‍♀️

This morning he already indicated he wanted to talk again. So that’s a positive sign, but you know I’ve gone through several similar quick iterations of this recently which have left me a little leery.

I just have to keep reminding myself not to take anything too seriously. I’ve got lots of things I should be focusing my time and effort on and all this dating stuff should be fun and not stressful. Right??!

I guess time will always tell… and tomorrow we might have snow so you never know. 😉

Ready for Spring,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-01 Part 3 – The Hangover

When we last left our fateful hero’s, they were staring down at the bottom of a bottle of wine, with empty glasses in hand. Their fingers were on the keyboard possitioned and ready for brilliance to flow as easily from them as the cheap wine that had just played out a most impressive disappearing act.

But the words were elusive. As it turns out, at least in this case, drunk texting is easier than poetry. Channeling Mayer again and taking my own advice, I said what I needed to say. No regrets right?!

There was a brief exchange and then, according to my FitBit, I was in bed asleep by 10:08PM. Yes.. my life is that exciting.

I was urged awake l just after midnight by a buzz on my wrist frim that very same FitBit, letting me know I was getting a call. It was HL. Knowing that being awake at that time meant an inilabulity to fall back asleep, I promptly returned his call.

My head hurt so I walked about my house getting water and OTC meds for that as I engaged him in conversation. He had just arrived home from a night out drinking with a friend. Way less lame than my drinking alone sitting in my office with only my cat and my laptop to keep me company.

It had been a while since we talked so we had a brief catch up session. I recounted the circumstances and events surrounding the end of my relationship with Simon. He filled me in with details about a new girl he’s seeing. It’s not a competition, but my story was more entertaining than his. It stands to reason though, I’ve had a loner time to find humor in mine and everyone knows the ends of relationships are way more interesting than beginnings.

We talked for maybe an hour or so. I’m not really sure because I couldn’t sleep after that and got up and was up for a while. I humored my left brain by making a few lists on my new white board (yes, I just could not resist). My right brain was still stumped by the problem it’s been struggling with.

This is, specifically, how to write a poem about the idea I had a few days ago about that Violent Femmes song, “Outside the Palace”. If you are playing along, this was explained in Part 2.

Here’s a fun fact… I’m supposed to avoid cliche phrases, metaphors, and overused topics in my writing. Really? Really.

At residency I learned a ton of things and one of those things, although seemingly not a big deal, is quite a discussion. It has to do with using things that are overused and therefore considered cliche. If you subscribe to this rule you would not ever use the following in any writing: The heart, Soul, sun moon, flowers, mothers, fathers, any sort of weather, the ocean…. Theres way more, but you get the idea. I will probably stumble upon them sometime in the future by way of some constructive criticism because I employ these in my writing often.

I may be repeating myself , from days or weeks ago, and if so I apologize in advance.

One of the mentors at Residency actually said in workshop in response to another student’s work, which made a reference to the moon.. “Don’t ever do that. EVER”. She (the faculty) was very emphatic about her point and pontificated about it for a a few minutes. Later that day the girl who was subject to that criticism and I laughed about it over a glass of wine. But apparently it struck a chord with me because here I am 2 months later and still thinking about it.

Counter to that was another faculty member who actually gave a lecture about the use of “flowers” among other things in writing and he argued that there was still a place for it, in some cases. I swear over half of my poetry is about broken hearts, flowers, and philosophy of life and I really appreciated that lecture. It felt like some sort of validation. Even if the result is juvenile and will not be taken seriously. If I am not writing what I think and feel then why am I writing?! It brings up a good question, which is “Who am I writing for?”

The faculty member who gave that lecture is now my mentor for this semester. I have not brought up this subject yet in our correspondence, because there has not been a need and I have somewhat avoided submitting anything that would be a blatant direct violation of the “cliche rule”. Haven’t I? Maybe. Probably not. Again, half of my poems use some common metaphor or overused phrase so it is highly likely something like that was in what I’ve submitted. Who cares anyway, this is not really my point. What was my point again?

Oh yeah, the song.. which contains, in its chorus both the moonlight and the dawn.

The question that came to my mind yesterday, which is why the cliche topic is on the tip of my brain, was how is a person to distinguish the moonlight from the dawn. And how can I ever hope to fashion a poem from this thought when I have to invoke both the moon and the sunrise? How is one supposed to talk about those two things without actually mentioning them?

Am I supposed to find something else that equates to the moon? Some other celestial body that gives off light but is not the moon. The sun is off limits, the stars are off limits, and the other planets don’t emit light. You know what else does not give off light? EVERYTHING!! If I said “light bulb” well, that just doesn’t do my feelings justice. Not enough weight and it makes people think of ideas not some mysterious, shining orb in the sky. Seriously.

I tried “Yin” as a substitute. I guess that’s ok, but it is kind of obscure and people might not get it. Even if I figured that out, the next problem is right behind it… the dawn. Even tougher. Whatever.

So I might have to give up on that one which is kind of a shame but it’s not like there are 10 more right behind begging to be written.

I think being up in the middle of the night, drinking water and milling about my house actually saved me from having a hangover this morning. Thanks HL!

He urged me to not give up on Bumble, but I’m fairly certain that’s the right thing to do now. He suggested that I widen my net by also being on match and eharmony and also to not take any of it too seriously. That last bit is where I think my problem is. I can’t seem to help the daydreams and fantasies.

It’s just part of my nature. And why would I want to change that? Who am I living this life for anyway? Just like that question about my writing.. the answer is me. So I shouldn’t really worry too much about writing about the moonlight because the rules only apply if you care what other people think.

Perhaps I should give that poem another try.

But first.. time go go make some $$$. It’s the first of the month and First National and Capital One are knocking on my door.

Covered in Moonlight,

~Miss SugarCookie