2018-03-12 The Thin Mint Struggle

Welcome to a new week and we’re rolling into mid March like lambs and lions living together.. real pre-old testament stuff. Sooth sayers and Ceasar slayers, Shakespeare rising from his grave. Beware.. the mass hysteria.

The kids are already enjoying their spring break by staying up late on a Sunday and sleeping in. I’m back at the gym and the man in black is here in black and running on the last treadmill in the row. I’ve got Work to do and a party to prep for and everything feels right with the world.

Yesterday I crossed my heart about really digging my heels in and eating healthy this week and I’m doing it. I know what works and I know what I have to do. If I can make it through the candy and ice cream and potato chips and pizza that my darling daughter has planned for her party, I can make it through anything. It’s the ultimate test.

I know I can do it because I have before. After having babies my metabolism had shifted greatly and I could no longer eat whatever I wanted like I could in my teens and twenties. After having my Z I struggled greatly. I was heavier than ever before in my life and gaining instead of loosing. I really had to figure out what worked for me.

I can’t talk to People about this. They look at me and roll their eyes. I said something to my mom and she literally made a face at me and waved her hand up like “go away with that”. Thanks for the support mom. I’m thin, but the truth is, I’ve had to work to get back here and to maintain.

And if a person has gone through what I have, which is a whole other thing I need to dedicate a post to, then they would truly understand what I mean when I say “It never really leaves my mind”. The self image and body issues and feelings of not being worthy are real.

I might try to make a funny comment on twitter like “Thin mints have cookie issues too”, but underneath that is a contant struggle. It’s part of why I dedicate so much time to setting goals and keeping track of stats.

Unfortunately at this point, my healthy appetite for exercise is not going to do much more for me because food is the problem. Food is NOT the problem.. my choices are the problem. I’m my own worst enemy. I can be super motivated at the start of the day like now, but by late afternoon I’m saying “screw it, I’m having what I want”.

I think it’s tough for me because I don’t have external support. If I’m truly compiling a wish list for my ideal partner in life, this would be on it. I want someone who also wants to eat healthy and support me in my struggle. If I were to look at my two past long term relationships I see this…

The first one was a major contributing factor to the cause of my problems.

The second really didn’t support me at all. He knew, but was mostly annoyed every time I was trying some new “fad” thing. Low carb, gluten free, mini-fasts and unreasonable restrictions. When he heard about my Whole 30 from Josh, apparently he issued a major eye roll. Whatever.

Like I stated, there’s more but it’s worthy of some dedicated time and well thought out writing. So I’ll quit now.

Time to get my Monday on!

Let’s Do This,

~Miss SugarCookie

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2018-02-18 Sunday Status Update – Ugly, Uglier, and Ugliest

Oh how I have missed you, my sweet, beautiful elliptical machine. I know I’ve been gone for a few days but I promise you there were no other machines involved.. just people, work, wine, and a successful visit to the Red Cross (not in that order of course).

The stat at the top of my Sunday lineup is my hemoglobin. 12.9 and over the threshold of the 12.4 required for donating blood. That was yesterday and now I can put that on the back of the shelf along with my iron supplements. At least for about 6 or 7 weeks.

(Ugly – The return of the daily headache)
Noteworthy in the supplement department is the fact that I ran out of Curcumin (a turmeric extract) which I’ve been taking daily for several months now. I’ve been on my soapbox on this topic several times so I won’t repeat myself. However, the supply ran out and as the consulate analyst and experimenter I decided to take the opportunity to see what effect not talking it would have.

I’m not kidding.. a couple days and my daily headaches returned. It could be other variables like hormones, too much or not enough caffeine, not enough sleep, alcohol, stress, but it is too much of a coincidence to dismiss. A few days of that and turning back to Tylenol and ibuprofen had me running my fingeres to that “one click” feature in Amazon to replenish my supply. I’m day 3 back on it and despite drinking too much wine last night, I woke up headache free. Huzzah. I’m a believer.

The quickest jump from that is to take inventory on my other analytics.

Steps are back up this week.. 20K average per day but jazzercise class counts are still down because of other commitments.

(Uglier – The human garbage disposal)
Healthy eating was literally not on the table this week. I over indulged in just about everything I fancy and I’m going to go ahead and blame the deprivation caused by that Whole 30. Cookies, chocolate, fried appetizers, cheeseburger and fries and onion rings dipped in ranch dressing, fried rice, fried potatoes, and bread. All that was in addition to my new found, high calorie, favorite breakfast. Eggs, guacamole, salsa, potatoes, with or without bacon. Oh and did I mention the alcohol? 🍷 🍸 🍹

I’m in need of a serous course correction… on that AND sleep. I had an average of 5 hours and 50 minutes a night. That’s terrible. I guess making bad decisions was a theme for the week. My time in on my studies was shit too.

I should be spending 20 hours a week minimum on writing, revisions, and reading and I bet I only spent 4 at the most. I currently have no way to gather official stats on that. I could record it like I have to for my job I guess. But manual time cards? Ewwww!

I worked 22 hours which is right around that sweet spot and I have no excuses for not reading more for school. I guess I spent too much time texting with my new crush. Can I really have spent that much time texting? Not possible.

Oh yeah.. relationship status. Still single. Surprise, surprise. I cancelled my meet-up with Simon Tuesday and met him Thursday instead and it felt very much like meeting with someone you just have no desire to talk to. I was nice and the conversation was very much one-sided as I expected. I followed up later that day with a book of an email I felt compelled to write so I could say (almost) everthing I’m too chicken shit to say in person.

I didn’t say “hey, I don’t want to be friends”.. but my hope is that a person who is as perceptive as he says he is, could read between the lines. I honestly didn’t care if he responded, but I underestimated his instincts to counter my observations in an attempt to maintain his superiority. Ooops. There I go again saying something not nice.

He wrote back quite a bit and his disappointment in me and what I wrote came through loud and clear. There were a few things I could not let go, so I did reply back standing my ground on two main points. I picked my battles and I will not back down on either of them.

One was about my daughter and just don’t even try to fuck with me about my teenage daughter and our relationship and my parenting. Just don’t. The second was about his inability to define our relationship and not owning up to the fact that he used it to release himself from any responsibility to another persons feelings.. MY feelings. That’s total crap and he needs to know it. I sent that back last night and as of right now have not yet received any response back. Perhaps I will have the last word on it. I really hope so, but we shall see.

(Ugliest – Negative Self Image)
Related to my status on all fronts.. I’m just feeling generally not great about the way I look right now. I’m feeling sort of unwell and tired and bloated and frumpy. I’m definitely in need of some positive reassurance. Valentines day alone doesn’t help. Seeing couples holding hands everywhere doesn’t help. Don’t get me started on the affect of media, social or otherwise. I just want to turn it all off. Add to that the fact that I’ve gained some weight recently and don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. OK, I’m a thin person by nature, but that just means that any fluctuation at all and my clothes start to become too tight and uncomfortable. I suppose the binging on food this week did not help and the fact that I’m still thinking about loading up on ice cream before this day is through is also not going to be good. What is a girl to do? (first world rhetorical question).

I need to put some hours into the schoolwork today and snap out of my funk. I just have to.
Time to Be Like Lee Nails, and Press On,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-01-28 Sunday Status Update – Totally Phoning This One In

Happy Sunday People! Let’s make this quick so we can get back to the good life…

Sleep.. Average 7 hours 36 minutes a night.

Exercise.. Average 22,372 per day.

Healthy eating.. Day 21 of 30 of the Whole 30. See yesterday’s post for the details.

Employment status.. Full time gig, working part time hours.

Student status.. Full time and starting to panic!

Relationship status.. Actively looking despite my current student status. 😜

That’s it.. I’m Out.
Peace,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-01-27 A Whole 30 Rant

Spoiler alert.. if you didn’t catch it from the title, I’m about to poke a hole in the Whole 30 program. If you don’t want the truth.. quit reading now. Ignorance is bliss. 😜

Today is Day 20 of a 30 day attempt to “reset” my body by eating Whole Foods only. I’m trying to follow the guidelines set by the official Whole 30 program which, at the most basic level, includes eating only Whole Foods and cutting out a very specific list of things.

No added sugar, no soy or products made with soy, no dairy, no alcohol, no legumes, no beans, and no grains. This is so far beyond paleo it’s out of control. There are, however, details in the fine print that are not to be dismissed and therein lies the rub for me.

(The damn devil and his constant dance with details. Curse that jerk.)

Before I dive into the one detail that has been my undoing, I’m going to elaborate on my original goals.

1. The reset. I want to flush my body if all the bad stuff. I’m not sure that’s achievable in 30 days as it takes months to begin to undo damage done to the gut from gluten. However, any surface level toxins should definitely be gone in 30 days time.

2. Check my sugar addiction. I’ve got a healthy sweet tooth and it’s a problem. I have sugar cravings like you would not believe and it’s a constant battle of wills to resist temptations.

3. To support my sister who also wanted to do the program. We discussed it before Christmas last year and that’s when I originally committed to starting on the 8th of January. It’s easier to stick with it if you have a support system and a voice of reason when your brain tries to convince you to quit.

4. To prove that I could. Yeah.. that’s me. I’m always trying something new and I see it as a challenge. People say it’s tough, so I wanted to do it just so I could say I did. Ha!

5. Learn how to shop for, plan for, and cook healthy meals.

Noteworthy… Missing from this list is any goal of losing weight. I’m mostly satisfied with that and don’t count that as a valid measure of health for myself anyway. If I end up losing those last 5 lbs. that seem to always be out of reach, then so much the better but it’s not my goal.

I’m now 20 days in and am feeling somewhat discontent with the “whole” thing. I’ve had serious cravings and outlasted them all. I’ve spent afternoons thinking about tortilla chips and chocolate. I could not have made it this far without #3 and #4 above. Which just proves that the force is strong with the virtues of both. In that, I feel I’ve already proved something and when this 30 days is over, will consider the experiment a success despite the issues surrounding the rest of it.

So what are those issues? That takes me back to the devil and the fine print. And believe me, I’ve done a deep dive into the rules and read the official word on tortilla chips, RX bars, and coconut aminos.

I think it was day 7 or 8 that my sister cooked me a delicious turkey chili with roasted squash topped with guacamole. It was amazing. During our conversation, she mentioned RX bars which I had not known about previously. She explained how they were approved because they are made with only Whole ingredients and no unapproved items. She also used the words “emergency food” but I glossed over that convieniently.

The next time I was at the grocery, I bought some. They are awesome (really expensive, but also really good). The ingredients are dates, egg white, almond, cashew, and whatever else depending on the flavor. The number 1 ingredient is dates, which are loaded with sugar. It’s pretty much like eating a candy bar. How can that be OK?

As it turns out, it’s not. It’s only approved in emergency situations. The “stranded on the tarmac” kind and not intended to be used casually after a meal like a brownie or to scratch that late night craving itch. Epic fail on my part. That’s why understanding ALL the rules up front is so important.

Even as an emergency food, I have a problem with it. It’s still processed and that is counter to the spirit of the program. If I can’t bake something with almond flour, then how is it ok to eat this processed bar? If I can’t eat a tortilla chip made of corn, sunflower oil, and sea salt then why is the RX ok? It should be banned along with several other things that are deemed ok.. because they ARE processed and not whole foods.

And while I’m on a soapbox anyway, let’s be real.. “Emergency?!?”. What emergency?

How tough is it to pack a bag with nuts and maybe fruit like apples or cuties? Shouldn’t we just do ourselves a favor and really learn how to make healthy things and prepare in advance for life? Aren’t all those fast food comvieniences part of the systemic problem facing our society today?

It’s just easier to drive through a place and pick up a meal than to have fresh, healthy ingredients on hand in the kitchen and foresight to plan and cook something good. It’s just easier to feed that mid-day hunger pang with a “nutrition” bar than to have, on hand, some better alternative.

I fell into the trap and sadly, the RX Bar bit me in the ass. I started using it as a crutch daily and a few times twice. Shame on me. I’ve since decided to finish out my last 10 days with a tighter rein on some rules.

Nothing but Whole Foods and no processed bars or dried fruit. I’m also going to limit my fresh fruit intake to 3 servings a day. Hopefully I can still achieve #2 on my list above and hopefully I will feel a difference in SOMETHING, which so far I have not. If I can’t FEEL something different.. better as a result, then what’s the point?

I want more energy and better sleep and less issues with hormones and headaches and I’ve read stories by other people who achieve that in this program. I’m just not feeling it. My sister tells me that’s probably because I ate somewhat healthy before. Perhaps that’s true.

Anyhow, Normally I subscribe to the concept that ignorance of the rules is no excuse for breaking them, but in this case, if I can be successful these last 10 days, I’m going to consider this round a success.

If I counted my RX habit breaking a rule, then I would just quit now (and probably not try again anytime soon). So I have to think about it as I am in order to finish the 30 days.

Ok.. flame 🔥 off.

It’s the weekend. Time to go enjoy the day!

Peace and love,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-01-21 Sunday Status Update

Sleep.. Average 8 hours and 14 minutes last week. That’s freaking amazing!!! The consistency is getting better and I think that’s a direct result of my diligence and really establishing a great routine. It’s only January and I’m already hitting my goal! 😴😊✅🎉

Eating.. Still on the Whole 30. Today is Day 14. I’m almost half way there and still love eggs. I’ve perfected my guacamole and have established a planning/cooking routine that works. Evenings (between 7 and bedtime) are the toughest to fight through cravings. I’m probably eating too many fruits and nuts but that’s going to have to be ok.

Exercise.. 18,615 average steps per day. Four Jazzercise classes and back up to 8 pound free weights in class.

Employment status.. I didn’t quite hit 20 hours this week. That’s got to change.

Relationship status.. Single.

Student status.. I’m a full time student trying to get it done on part time hours. This has to change too. I need to ramp things up and put in some serious reading in the next week.

This week I’m looking forward to lunch with Sam today, Amy on Tuesday, and a family Birthday lunch on Wednesday with my mom and sisters. It will really be the first test of eating at restaurants on this Whole 30 plan. I definitely see some salads in my future.

Time to Hit it and Git it!

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-01-08 Today is a Good Day to Start

This is one of the tag lines on the blog I started in 2010. I think it’s a thing I tried to tell myself more than saying it to anyone else because I often use excuses why I’m not doing something.

* it’s not the start of the week or month.

* I’ve got all this food in my refrigerator I don’t want to go to waste.

* I won’t have time.

* I can’t afford it.

* I’m afraid of what people will think.

The biggest hurdle I have is getting out of my own way. Sometimes those excuses are valid, but most of the time I just need to strike through all of it and say to myself.. “Today is a good day to start”.

As we enter a new year I find myself more open than ever to the possibilities of life. I just started a new job. I just started back to school and on top of that, I’ve also committed to starting something else.. 30 days of eating only Whole Foods.

That’s right. I’m doing the whole 30 diet which will not require too much extra time aside from planning meals and grocery shopping, which I have to do anyway. What it will require is willpower.

This way of eating was totally meant for me because I’m a meat and potatoes girl at heart. However, I am addicted to sugar and love cheese. Not having alcohol will not be a problem but the whole thing will make social events, lunches out and such, a challenge.

I think doing something like this is only possible with the support from the members of your household and close family and friends. Not only are they there to encourage but also hold accountable. My sister and I are doing this together and now my friend Becky is making it a trio. I wish more people would join us but nobody at Christmas events seemed all that interested.

I think it’s also important to have rewards and celebrate success. I have yet to define that because I’ve pretty much put myself on serious monetary restriction for the foreseeable future. I need to find something I can reward myself with that doesn’t cost money. That’s going to take some deeper consideration for sure.

Today is Day 1. We wanted to wait for things to settle after the new year to start. Now, here it is, Monday. The start of a new week and essentially my first day wearing my big girl pants again. I’ll be working on turning in my lecture notes from residency and my kids are coming back home after a long break apart. But I can’t let any of that become an excuse not to start.

On the contrary. I want to propose the opposite.. today isn’t just a good day to start. It’s a great one!

Cheers to new Beginnings (with water of course),

~Miss SugarCookie

2017-12-17 Stellar Sunday Stats

I can hardly believe that two weeks have gone by again already. The closer we get to the end of the year, the faster time flies.

This is the second to last status update for the year and I’m quite pleased that I’m holding steady on most things.

Sleep..

I’m still getting just shy of 7 hours per night. The goal is 7.5 and I think I will be able to get there real soon now.

Exercise..

19.4K steps on average the last 7 days. I did 6 Jazzercise classes this week and am zeroing in on my yearly goal there. If I hit 175 classes, I get a free t-shirt. All that sweat and all I get is a t-shirt. 😜

In truth, I hit 175 quite a ways back but I go to more than one location and their systems are not linked, so that 175 is at one location only.

Work.. I’m employed (woo-hoo) but not actually working or making money yet.

Relationship Status.. Becoming less complicated all the time. I’ll likely be single again soon. (Was I Ever not single?)

Healthy Eating…

I did better on this in the past week and only caved once for one of my favorite meals (you guess what that was). I’m very much gearing up to start the whole 30 in January. After I get home and am settled from my school retreat, probably January 8 since that’s a Monday.

In fact, as I often do, I’m already looking to the future and setting new goals on all fronts. I’m going to ride the rest of this year out without modifications but because I was so successful this year I want to keep that momentum and push forward.

All will be revealed in two weeks!

Happy Sunday,

~Miss SugarCookie