2017-06-18 The Nature of Friendship

Last night I visited a friend of mine who just bought a house in CB, across the river from Omaha. It really feels far out of town and they grilled and we sat on their back porch and talked as the sun went down. It was really nice. We played with their drones and they talked about finding the house and what kinds of fun things are coming up in the near future.

I told them about quitting my job and not having another and they were very excited for me. Nobody seems to be too worried at all, which is nice. No lectures or advice or words of wisdom being thrown in my direction. Maybe they all think that I’m a grown up and can sink or swim for myself. Let’s hope they are right.

We did not talk about the relationship status or Matt at all, which was also nice. I did not tell Denise we broke up until after Christmas this past year, mostly probably because I was hoping it was only temporary.

Denise and I have been friends with since she moved to CB in 6th grade. We went to elementary, middle-school, and high-school together. She is one of a very few people that I am still friends with from HS. Really, I only keep in moderate contact with a couple of people “from those days”. And moderate is being a bit generous.

The others are Kelly, Laurie, and Rio, who I also graduated with but did not go to elementary school with like Denise. We see each other on FB, which you know is no substitute for a real connection, so I feel like I know what is going on in their lives, but I really don’t. Nor do they really know what is going on in mine.

Of these four lovely ladies, only Rio was in my wedding when I got married when I was 19. The others were Danielle, Stacey, Erika, and my sister Lindsay. Besides my sister, I don’t talk to or see any of these people anymore. Danielle moved farther away (albeit not that far), Erika and I had a pretty significant falling out many years ago, and Stacey has moved on from this life.

Thinking about it now, it is interesting how people come into and out of our lives. Things happen and as time passes we grow and change and so do they. Some people we grow closer to and others we grow apart from. It feels like a very natural occurrence and one that we should not be too upset about. For a very long time I was upset by the end of my friendship with Erika, but eventually let it go. You have to let it go or those kinds of things will weigh you down your entire life. And life is too short for that.

Denise and I talked about Erika last night too, as a similar thing happened with them. We were once a pretty tight group of friends, back before I had my kids, and we went for walks every week and talked about everything. We bridged the gap between Nebraska and Iowa and it did not seem that far, until one day it was. First we stopped meeting every week, and then girls game night that was once a month stopped too. Eventually, our annual Christmas Cookie baking event also stopped being scheduled. Other things and other people became more important. It was sad for a long time, but then, as more time passed it didn’t feel sad anymore, just “the way life is”.

Last night I found myself staring off into that sunset off her back deck last being at peace with all of it. It’s was a good feeling.

I think I need to get to a place where I’m at peace with my relationship with Matt. I certainly have that with regard to my ex-husband, and also the one other person I dated semi-seriously. I even have peace with my relationship with Josh, which is an ongoing thing. We have an understanding, and a mutual respect for each other, and care about each other while still recognizing there is no future there. We’ve been through the trials to answer the question, “can we just be friends”, with yes.

Denise seems to be very happy now in her new place with her man and all is right with the world. They are making plans for the future and that is how it should be. I’m very happy for her.

As for me, I’m getting there too, slow and steady. I think I’m on the right track and moving forward. I’m moving forward and looking forward to the future, which is a good sign.

Now Let’s Do Sunday,
~Miss SugarCookie


2017-04-10 My Own Worst Enemy

It’s still Monday, for another half an hour. I think I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to doing what I know is right.

I declare that the first step to solving my woes is to get enough sleep, yet I’m the one who decides to bake cookies after getting home at 9PM at night. The time it took to make those cookies was 2.5 hours and for sure, I’ve sacrificed some sleep in order to do that.

I know what I should be eating to support a healthy lifestyle, yet I choose to bake cookies and taste tests one from each batch straight out of the oven to see if the slight variations in cooking make a noticeable difference. There is no way I can spin that these cookies are good for me in any way. Sure, they are made from oatmeal and whole wheat flour, but the rest of it is fat and sugar.

That’s all pretty lame and now I’m exhausted and don’t feel good about my decision and can’t even give myself credit for getting 19K steps today (except that I just did). 😉 All the same, I don’t think any amount of exercise would make me feel better. Actually, if the cookies were any good, that might make me feel a little better, but I don’t even like them that much. I’ll probably end up taking most to work tomorrow and giving them away.

So with all these lofty (and some not so lofty) goals, how to I protect myself from myself. How do I force myself to make better decisions. I think part of it comes down to accountability, I wrote a post several weeks ago talking about giving up caffeine. Part of that was the fact that other people I know were also giving up caffeine and that made it easier. We still get coffee, but it’s decaf. I know if we are going to talk about it, then I want to be able to “report” positive things. Maybe the same thing can be applied across multiple areas.

When I was dating Matt, he was the primary person I was accountable to. I would tell him about a thought or a goal and then I knew he would ask me about it again. Like “hey, how is that going?” The people pleaser in me always wants to deliver positive news, so I would make sure that happens.
When I lost that relationship, I lost that one person I was accountable to. I just need more regular contact with my friends and tell them what I’m up to. Maybe they will ask about it the next time and maybe not. Who knows.

I actually spend quite a bit of time with Josh, the guy I went to Saint Louis with and he’s the one who also cut caffeine so maybe I’ll toss some more eggs in that basket and see what scrambles. If I’m going to be my own worst enemy, the answer is to have better friendships.

It’s rolled over to Tuesday so I’d better try and make a good choice now and get to sleep instead of staying up doing something else.

Miss SugarCookie
(the cookies I made were not sugar cookies, how ironic)