2017-06-23 Now What?

Four weeks ago when I quit my job it felt scary, but wonderful. I felt as if a huge weight was lifted off me. All the technical debt of the past and all the piles of work in the future were suddenly not going to be my problem anymore. I had resolved to take some time for myself and just live, without the burden of work. That was four weeks ago.

Today I am waking up on the very first day I don’t have to go to work. It’s a Friday and would not have had to go into the office anyway, but it still feels strange that I’m not grabbing my phone to check for email (it was turned off already). It feels strange that I don’t need to call in to our morning meeting at 8:45am and let people know what I’m doing today. It feels strange that I can just continue to lie here in my bed and nobody will care.

My kids are not here today so it’s reeeaaally quiet. It’s almost 9 now and I’ve been awake and thinking about “stuff” for a while now. Mostly I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do today but also about what I am going to do next week and the week after that. I have not really put a lot of thought into it, other than planning a vacation for the kids and I, but now I definitely have the time to think about it.

My friend Rebecca said to not “over plan” my time, which I completely agree with. I do, however, intend to accomplish a lot of things in the next few months and want to be smart about my time and not waste it. I don’t want to fall into a pattern of sleeping until 10AM and binge watching shows and then wake up three months from now with an empty bank account and nothing to show for it. That’s an extreme and not really me anyway, but I want to avoid anything resembling that. Which leads me to making lists.

I may or may not have mentioned lists before but I’m a consummate list maker. It’s how I get shit done. I decide early on what I want to accomplish and then I make a list. Whether it be a “weekend to-do” list or a “garden planning” list or just a simple grocery list, that is where I like to start, and after that, it’s just a matter of execution and crossing things off. So perhaps that is exactly where I should start with this new adventure.

Before that, however, it is 9AM and I need to get out of bed. Maybe a little caffeine and a little time on the elliptical will spark my inspiration for what should be on my list.

Later Gaters,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-06-11 Sunday Stats and Things Like That

I’ve been so focussed on the big things and the big picture and big changes that I have not been keeping up on my day to day/week to week analysis. It’s really about time to start digging back into the details and when it comes to details, stats (and things like that) are where it’s at.

Have I written about balance? Yes
Have I written about everything being connected? Yes
Have I concluded that being healthy starts with sleeping well? Yes, lots of times. All of the validation I need is within these few important items…

Sleep: Last 7 days average 7 hours and 39 minutes. 39 minutes above my unofficial goal. 😃

Exercise: 7 day average step count is 18,150. That’s 6K over my official goal of 12K per day and 3 K over my unofficial daily goal. 😃

I’ve been to 3 or 4 Jazzercise classes this week as well as multiple workouts at the gym and several walks in various parts of town (hence the stellar step count). 😃

Eating: This is the one area I feel I’ve sort of failed on as Ive given in to lots of cravings and eaten out a bunch. The scale is up a few lbs. and I want to try and figure out how to make a plan and stick to it. Of all the things, I think this will be the biggest challenge ahead of me.

For today though, I want to celebrate this success. Deep down in my heart I feel like I can attribute my sleeping better to the huge weight that has been lifted off me. I also feel like the fact that I am beginning to “let go” has given be back a little more time to focus on exercise, even though I’m not really done yet.

That celebration starts with enjoying the rest of my weekend. Monday will be here soon, so I am going to go now, and squeeze as much funday out of the rest of this Sunday as I can.

~Miss SugarCookie

2017-05-05 Happy FriYay!

My last post was about sleep being my goal. The ones before that were about my work issues and my relationship issues. The ones before that were about sleep being my goal. I’m detecting a trend.

I was once asked why I write. My answer is simply because it is who I am. It’s my purpose and my process. In the end, the words may be there for posterity, but in the moment it is more about what I need and what helps get me through. Life can be long and boring therefore it stands to reason that blogs can be repetitive and boring and what may seem interesting at the start loses its luster after being repeated 15 times. That fact doesn’t matter to me though. I’m still going to say what I need to say. Or rather, write what I need to write.

I’ve been on the precipice of change for a while now. I’ve felt the swell of it inside of me and sometimes I let it take over my mind and lead me to the future in a daydream. Sometimes I squash it like a bug and force myself back to this reality. I find that when I open my mind to new possibilities, I feel more free and happy and hopeful. When I dial it back in, I’m left discouraged, upset, and stuck.

I think what I need for today, which promises to be a banner weather day with yard work and tennis and grilling out, is more day dreaming. I need to combat the pressures being placed upon my life with a positive attitude fueled by freedom from consequences. I’m going to enjoy myself and not worry about what I do or do not get done. I’m not going to have a Friday, I’m going to have a FriYay!

Ready for the Feels,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-05-03 It’s All a Blur

I’m talking about the last two days. I’m talking about the last two weeks. GAWD am I really talking about the last two years??!!

I’m currently typing this on my phone wile trying to manage 160 strides per minute on the elliptical machine at the gym. This.. THIS is multitasking. This is how I’m going to fit everything into my day that I want to do. Is this really the only way? 

My goal is to get 7 hours of sleep every single night. That’s the primary target. That is what I need to start. I knew this months ago, weeks ago, and now. It was working before and it can work again. I just need to focus on that. Everything else will start to fall into place. I am sure of it. 

After that.. it’s the same goal but without any assistance from otc or Rx meds. After that I re-evaluate and find the next target. What’s a realistic timeframe? Two weeks? I think so.

What’s the strategy? Sacrifice the extra time I’ve been putting into my job. I’m not going to get paid any more or less for what I do so when it comes to the bottom line with time.. that goes first. 

The other factor besides time are the unsolved problems in my life. Work (again), and my relationships. I have to let go of the animosity and hurt I’m feeling because I can’t change things. My brain wants these unsolvable problems solved and it’s stealing my sleep to do so. I need to take back control. I don’t know if that means meditation, or talking more with people, or really just giving up on the current job and relationships. I don’t know, but damn it all to hell, it’s gonna happen. 

That’s it for now. Let’s see if I can also post this to the site from my phone (still on the elliptical).

Sweaty and Determined,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-04-29 Saturday Status Check

I thought I would start today by providing a simple status check, just so it is perfectly clear what the last week has done to me.

Sleep: Last 7 days average 4 hours and 49 Minutes. About 2 hours short of my daily goal. 😔

Exercise: 7 day average step count is 9873. About 2K under my official daily goal and 5K under my unofficial daily goal. 😔

I also went to Zero Jazzersice classes. 😔

Eating: There were several lovely places I had the opportunity to eat at but not write about while I was in Phoenix. However, the majority of what I had was fast food. Fast food either at the hotel or hospital or drive through. I had very little fruit and no veggies. I often ate too much and felt overly full. I was eating early and late and sometimes not at all in the middle of the day. To top it off, I was being sustained a fair bit of time by highly caffeinated and sugared lattes. 😔

Some of this was my choice and some was not, but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.

I stepped on the scale this morning, and weigh the same as I did the day that I left. So I’m not super upset about the food thing or the exercise thing, but I definitely FEEL icky and need to make sure I start the week (starting with the weekend) off right. Now is the time to turn those frowns upside down.

On that note, I’m going to go unpack my bag and see if I have anything clean in my closet to wear to Jazzersize.

Time to Smile 😃
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-04-10 My Own Worst Enemy

It’s still Monday, for another half an hour. I think I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to doing what I know is right.

I declare that the first step to solving my woes is to get enough sleep, yet I’m the one who decides to bake cookies after getting home at 9PM at night. The time it took to make those cookies was 2.5 hours and for sure, I’ve sacrificed some sleep in order to do that.

I know what I should be eating to support a healthy lifestyle, yet I choose to bake cookies and taste tests one from each batch straight out of the oven to see if the slight variations in cooking make a noticeable difference. There is no way I can spin that these cookies are good for me in any way. Sure, they are made from oatmeal and whole wheat flour, but the rest of it is fat and sugar.

That’s all pretty lame and now I’m exhausted and don’t feel good about my decision and can’t even give myself credit for getting 19K steps today (except that I just did). 😉 All the same, I don’t think any amount of exercise would make me feel better. Actually, if the cookies were any good, that might make me feel a little better, but I don’t even like them that much. I’ll probably end up taking most to work tomorrow and giving them away.

So with all these lofty (and some not so lofty) goals, how to I protect myself from myself. How do I force myself to make better decisions. I think part of it comes down to accountability, I wrote a post several weeks ago talking about giving up caffeine. Part of that was the fact that other people I know were also giving up caffeine and that made it easier. We still get coffee, but it’s decaf. I know if we are going to talk about it, then I want to be able to “report” positive things. Maybe the same thing can be applied across multiple areas.

When I was dating Matt, he was the primary person I was accountable to. I would tell him about a thought or a goal and then I knew he would ask me about it again. Like “hey, how is that going?” The people pleaser in me always wants to deliver positive news, so I would make sure that happens.
When I lost that relationship, I lost that one person I was accountable to. I just need more regular contact with my friends and tell them what I’m up to. Maybe they will ask about it the next time and maybe not. Who knows.

I actually spend quite a bit of time with Josh, the guy I went to Saint Louis with and he’s the one who also cut caffeine so maybe I’ll toss some more eggs in that basket and see what scrambles. If I’m going to be my own worst enemy, the answer is to have better friendships.

It’s rolled over to Tuesday so I’d better try and make a good choice now and get to sleep instead of staying up doing something else.

Miss SugarCookie
(the cookies I made were not sugar cookies, how ironic)

2017-03-29 Yes I Can

Yesterday I woke up in a funk.

I had more than 8 hours sleep which is outside the norm for me and yet I was groggy and did not feel well rested. I was sort of crampy and a lot grumpy and just generally feeling low and dumpy from what felt like 100 days of overcast weather in a row. But I let my mind be open. I embraced the “wait and see”.

At 8AM I was working from my bed trying hard to focus and wake up by listening to some jump-jump jams.

By 10 AM I was engaged in some heads down lab interface work… finding energy from the productivity.

By Noon I had a somewhat successful call with tangible takeaways with regards to a tough work issue. Any progress is good progress.

By 2PM I had two other projects elevated to a better status in the eyes of my customers. I always get satisfaction from knowing I’m helping make things go in the right direction.

By 4PM I was on may way for some Dunkin’ feels. Breaking the “no caffeine” spell to try and help with my persistent headache.

By 6PM I was playing tennis despite the weather and really got my blood pumping. I had completely forgotten how much my legs hurt when I woke up in the morning. This is when I mentally recognized I have the power.

By 8 PM I was getting my steps in by doing cardio at the gym, sustaining my good vibes about the day by going 3K over my daily step count goal.

Twelve hours and I had completely turned my frown upside-down. I didn’t actively try, I just kept an open mind about what the day would bring and did not let my negative start bleed into the tasks before me. So if you ask me if I have the ability to change my mood by sheer force of will, I will answer, “Yes I Can”.

I have the power to choose how to feel. 86400
That Was Yesterday.. Now what about today?

Just Getting Started,
Miss SugarCookie