2017-08-07 What Works and What Doesn’t

Last week I decided to throw my trusty to-do list out the window and just live and do the things that struck my fancy when the moments were ripe. By Wednesday I felt very unproductive and unsatisfied and by Thursday I decided to make a list and start crossing things off and by Friday, I felt good again about my week. Why that makes such a difference, I will not pretend to try and understand but can accept the outcome none the less.

It’s Monday again and I’m awake after only 5 hours of sleep and my brain is not wasting any time on how I might change my approach and try something new, it’s ready to make a list and get started. I’ve checked the weather and it will be overcast again but clear which means I can start on my next big backyard project. I’ve checked the class schedules for both Jazzercise and my Genesis Health Club and there are two classes later this afternoon I would like to attend. I know Josh is coming over sometime this morning to borrow my ladder and at some point Alabama (who I wrote about yesterday) would like to meet up in person. I need to look into school registration for the kids and fill out some online forms and also figure out what to do since they will not be physically present for the “in-person” part of the process. So that’s the start of a list for today. That works.

Since winging it does not seem to work for me and making lists does, I may just make a list for my week and also for the rest of August. I’m really not reaching out to any old or new acquaintances or friends or family for meet ups this week so I can focus my meals on eating healthy and not spending money. In July I was really focussed on connections, but now I think I will turn my attention more to myself and just getting stuff I want done, done.

I’d like to get this edging project underway, sell my car, clean out my garage and potentially paint it. I’m going to take an assessment at Metro to see what kind of career I might be geared for. I’d like to take a self defense class and perhaps try the climbing gym and find some other classes (that are free) at Genesis that I might be interested in. I think all of that is enough to keep me busy for a month.

Yesterday I spent half a day working out. I literally did Jazzercise followed by Yoga/Pilates followed by cardio on the elliptical machine. I had brief breaks in between, but was feeling pretty awesome by like 2 in the afternoon. Then I switched gears and had Steph and Barb over to the house for wine, and got an upsetting text, and ended up eating at Qdoba with Josh. All of that was OK, but I ate too much and then vegetated while I got somewhat caught up on Game of Thrones. While all of that was just fine, by the end of the day I felt really terrible. I felt like the exercise I did early in the day was negated by my poor food choices later in the day. So the take away on that is that the exercise works and the focus on the food and sitting around watching a show doesn’t. Not for me anyway.

Now that I have put some thought into what’s on my list for today, this week, and this month, I can rest easy until it’s really time to start digging in. Right now, however, it’s not even 7AM and I’m not quite ready just yet.

Welcome to Monday,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-08-01 Welcome to August

Yesterday I did that thing that I have been doing every Monday for several weeks. I made a list. I’ve made a list at the beginning of the week and each day take care of something so that progress is inevitable. Last week I crossed off all but two or three things on the list and that leaves me with a pretty good feeling. Those things that don’t get done end up on the subsequent list. Yesterday I followed suit and made a list, but by the end of the day, I’d thrown it in the recycle bin. This week I am trying something new.

This week, I am going to do whatever I feel like doing in the moment and try to completely let go of what “needs” to get done. I might go for a walk and I might sort and file paperwork and I might do some weeding in the garden. It’s an experiment to see if I 1). Still get enough done to feel good about my accomplishments and 2.) If I feel less pressure about all my “commitments”. In recognizing that sometimes I am my own worst enemy in both making too many promises and also feeling overwhelmed too easily, can this turn make a difference or will that list just remain in my head to irritate my brain and make the anxiety worse?

I ended up at Home Depot yesterday in the garden section. I wanted to see if there were any good perennials left since most other garden centers have a supply that has diminished considerably. I was shocked to see they still had a lot left, in pretty good condition, but also still full price. I find that Home Depot is one of the most expensive garden centers in the area and I rarely would buy anything there. Why pay more when you can get the same thing cheaper somewhere else? Anyway, now you can’t get the same thing somewhere else, so I guess the price is what it is. I still will not pay it though.

What I did find is several quart perennials on the clearance rack for 2 bucks each. I, of course, had to save these lovelies from their fate and spring them from the Home Depot discard bin. They will now be afforded a long and happy life in the midst of one of my many flower beds. What this means for me, of course, is that today I have to spend a little time figuring out where they will go and getting them in the ground. I bought 6 dwarf day lilies which will sport pink blooms and 4 larger day lilies which look like they will be more of a red hue. Probably the smaller ones will go on the east border of my house and then the larger ones will be on the west and perhaps one in the front southeast corner.

It’s only just 7AM now and still pretty cool outside and it might be a perfect time to get outside and figure it out, but something in me is not ready for the day yet. Something in me wants to just lay in bed a little longer and

It’s going to be beautiful out and looking ahead at the weeks forecast, there will not be a bad day in the bunch. Only time will tell if my new approach is going to have the desired affect on my week. In any case, it is August now and the second month of the “Summer of Shyla” has officially begun.

~Miss SugarCookie

2017-07-05 Mission Accomplished

I made my solo ride to the river on the 4th. I made it all the way there and back – about 40 miles round trip and it was absolutely amazing. I don’t have words to describe the range of emotions I felt along the way, or at least now words to do it justice. Pure joy and sadness, longing, regret, hope, elation. Wave after wave with every song in my ear and the ache in my body as I pushed my legs hard.

The sun set on my way home and it was beautiful. The skyline around me dotted with fireworks as blue just sort of faded into darkness. There was a very brief time the horizon was pink and orange but it was so brief I hardly had time to capture it with my camera. In truth, I stopped a lot on the way to the river and so on the way home, I just wanted to ride without interruption. I wanted to enjoy the moment I was in and not worry about trying to save it for the future. In society today we spend too much time on putting our lives into a frame for display and not enough on just being in the moment. At least that is how I feel about it.

It was dark by the time I hit the Keystone/Papio trail exchange and I missed it. Then I decided not to exit on Harrison street because climbing the hill from 66th to 80th would have been too much for my already weak legs. I opted instead to exit in Ralston on Q street and that area of town was a mess of people and cars everywhere for some big fireworks display. It was rough getting back to my place, but by 11PM, I had finally made it. Another 4th over. Now I am ready for what is next.

Feeling Satisfied,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-06-23 Now What?

Four weeks ago when I quit my job it felt scary, but wonderful. I felt as if a huge weight was lifted off me. All the technical debt of the past and all the piles of work in the future were suddenly not going to be my problem anymore. I had resolved to take some time for myself and just live, without the burden of work. That was four weeks ago.

Today I am waking up on the very first day I don’t have to go to work. It’s a Friday and would not have had to go into the office anyway, but it still feels strange that I’m not grabbing my phone to check for email (it was turned off already). It feels strange that I don’t need to call in to our morning meeting at 8:45am and let people know what I’m doing today. It feels strange that I can just continue to lie here in my bed and nobody will care.

My kids are not here today so it’s reeeaaally quiet. It’s almost 9 now and I’ve been awake and thinking about “stuff” for a while now. Mostly I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do today but also about what I am going to do next week and the week after that. I have not really put a lot of thought into it, other than planning a vacation for the kids and I, but now I definitely have the time to think about it.

My friend Rebecca said to not “over plan” my time, which I completely agree with. I do, however, intend to accomplish a lot of things in the next few months and want to be smart about my time and not waste it. I don’t want to fall into a pattern of sleeping until 10AM and binge watching shows and then wake up three months from now with an empty bank account and nothing to show for it. That’s an extreme and not really me anyway, but I want to avoid anything resembling that. Which leads me to making lists.

I may or may not have mentioned lists before but I’m a consummate list maker. It’s how I get shit done. I decide early on what I want to accomplish and then I make a list. Whether it be a “weekend to-do” list or a “garden planning” list or just a simple grocery list, that is where I like to start, and after that, it’s just a matter of execution and crossing things off. So perhaps that is exactly where I should start with this new adventure.

Before that, however, it is 9AM and I need to get out of bed. Maybe a little caffeine and a little time on the elliptical will spark my inspiration for what should be on my list.

Later Gaters,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-06-11 Sunday Stats and Things Like That

I’ve been so focussed on the big things and the big picture and big changes that I have not been keeping up on my day to day/week to week analysis. It’s really about time to start digging back into the details and when it comes to details, stats (and things like that) are where it’s at.

Have I written about balance? Yes
Have I written about everything being connected? Yes
Have I concluded that being healthy starts with sleeping well? Yes, lots of times. All of the validation I need is within these few important items…

Sleep: Last 7 days average 7 hours and 39 minutes. 39 minutes above my unofficial goal. 😃

Exercise: 7 day average step count is 18,150. That’s 6K over my official goal of 12K per day and 3 K over my unofficial daily goal. 😃

I’ve been to 3 or 4 Jazzercise classes this week as well as multiple workouts at the gym and several walks in various parts of town (hence the stellar step count). 😃

Eating: This is the one area I feel I’ve sort of failed on as Ive given in to lots of cravings and eaten out a bunch. The scale is up a few lbs. and I want to try and figure out how to make a plan and stick to it. Of all the things, I think this will be the biggest challenge ahead of me.

For today though, I want to celebrate this success. Deep down in my heart I feel like I can attribute my sleeping better to the huge weight that has been lifted off me. I also feel like the fact that I am beginning to “let go” has given be back a little more time to focus on exercise, even though I’m not really done yet.

That celebration starts with enjoying the rest of my weekend. Monday will be here soon, so I am going to go now, and squeeze as much funday out of the rest of this Sunday as I can.

~Miss SugarCookie

2017-05-05 Happy FriYay!

My last post was about sleep being my goal. The ones before that were about my work issues and my relationship issues. The ones before that were about sleep being my goal. I’m detecting a trend.

I was once asked why I write. My answer is simply because it is who I am. It’s my purpose and my process. In the end, the words may be there for posterity, but in the moment it is more about what I need and what helps get me through. Life can be long and boring therefore it stands to reason that blogs can be repetitive and boring and what may seem interesting at the start loses its luster after being repeated 15 times. That fact doesn’t matter to me though. I’m still going to say what I need to say. Or rather, write what I need to write.

I’ve been on the precipice of change for a while now. I’ve felt the swell of it inside of me and sometimes I let it take over my mind and lead me to the future in a daydream. Sometimes I squash it like a bug and force myself back to this reality. I find that when I open my mind to new possibilities, I feel more free and happy and hopeful. When I dial it back in, I’m left discouraged, upset, and stuck.

I think what I need for today, which promises to be a banner weather day with yard work and tennis and grilling out, is more day dreaming. I need to combat the pressures being placed upon my life with a positive attitude fueled by freedom from consequences. I’m going to enjoy myself and not worry about what I do or do not get done. I’m not going to have a Friday, I’m going to have a FriYay!

Ready for the Feels,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-05-03 It’s All a Blur

I’m talking about the last two days. I’m talking about the last two weeks. GAWD am I really talking about the last two years??!!

I’m currently typing this on my phone wile trying to manage 160 strides per minute on the elliptical machine at the gym. This.. THIS is multitasking. This is how I’m going to fit everything into my day that I want to do. Is this really the only way? 

My goal is to get 7 hours of sleep every single night. That’s the primary target. That is what I need to start. I knew this months ago, weeks ago, and now. It was working before and it can work again. I just need to focus on that. Everything else will start to fall into place. I am sure of it. 

After that.. it’s the same goal but without any assistance from otc or Rx meds. After that I re-evaluate and find the next target. What’s a realistic timeframe? Two weeks? I think so.

What’s the strategy? Sacrifice the extra time I’ve been putting into my job. I’m not going to get paid any more or less for what I do so when it comes to the bottom line with time.. that goes first. 

The other factor besides time are the unsolved problems in my life. Work (again), and my relationships. I have to let go of the animosity and hurt I’m feeling because I can’t change things. My brain wants these unsolvable problems solved and it’s stealing my sleep to do so. I need to take back control. I don’t know if that means meditation, or talking more with people, or really just giving up on the current job and relationships. I don’t know, but damn it all to hell, it’s gonna happen. 

That’s it for now. Let’s see if I can also post this to the site from my phone (still on the elliptical).

Sweaty and Determined,
~Miss SugarCookie