2018-06-29 The Railcar Cheeseburger and Other Random Unrelated Drama.. 4 🍔👍🏻

Yesterday I met one of my former coworkers for a happy hour drink at a place called the Railcar. I probably meet up with Her about once every six weeks or so. We first met at my last job and as fate would have it, we started on the exact same day in 2012. We were on different teams but got it off pretty much right away.

She was very much my confidant, for both work related rants and personal issues. Toward the end of my relationship with Matt she was the one who said something that I took to heart. One afternoon I had had a lunch Meetup with him where my already broken heart was crushed into a thousand small shards because I said “I love you” and he walked away leaving me unrequited. It was such a stabbing pain and I cried my eyes out all the way back to the office. Arriving back to work, Sam and I crossed paths at the front doors. She recognized my state (trying to pull that shit in and get it back together) and she said to me “..you deserve better. You deserve someone who can’t wait to talk to you everyday, someone who is excited to see you..” There was more to it, but in my delicate state, that’s all I remembered and it finally sank in.

That was a turning point for me. A huge step forward acknowledging the truth in her words. Of course now I know how it feels, to have a person who wants me like that in my life. It’s glorious.

Anyway, Sam outlasted me at that job but in the end it was very much the same end to the same story. They use you until they loose you. Endless human capital out there in the world apparently, but a terrible way to operate. Her story is not mine to tell but I can say this much… she’s worlds happier where she is now. And what’s more, the weight of the world and the fate of the company is no longer hanging in the balance and depending on the success of pushing past limits week in and week out. We do our jobs well and then we clock out. Get in and get out and leave the drama in the cube.

Well Hell – is this a post about my life struggles or a cheeseburger review or what?😜 Getting to the point now…

So we met at Railcar to do our regular catch up session and tell the stories of the day. It was good. I’ve had their Happy hour cheeseburger before and have been remiss in actually writing about it. What I can say is that it’s one worth repeating.

It’s a little smaller than a normal restaurant burger. It’s bigger than a slider but not nearly the size of that half pound beast I had at Garbos. It’s because it’s their happy hour special and just a slightly smaller version of their dinner entree offering..

THE RAILCAR WAGYU BURGER
red top farms ground short rib, bacon apple jam, red onion, romaine lettuce, brie cheese, garlic aioli

One thing I would comment on right away is that it is really tough to grill a smaller party and get it right. So easy to overcook, but this one is spot on. The only change I requested from the standard was swapping cheeses. I had cheddar instead of Gouda. Typically I would say hold the lettuce too but since this is not my first Rodeo at the Railcar, I know they don’t overdo it like they do at some places. Some places pile on the lettuce like they think you wanted a salad instead of beef. Either that or there’s not a lot of substance and they are making the burger look bigger using a giant stack of green. Totally unnecessary. Railcar gets that. There’s just enough lettuce to add some fresh texture and crunch and it serves as an excellent topping to hold onto the sauce, which is quite tasty in its own right. A little sweet and a little savory… nothing at all akin to ketchup and mustard which is a good thing.

The cheese was melty and the bun was slightly toasted. My only complaint would be that it could use a slightly larger portion of cheese. Being a happy hour treat it’s served solo so at some point I’ll have to try the full entree. In any case, it’s a solid 4 and I’ll definitely be back for more.

(I’d go back again anyway since this spot is a regular meet-up location for Sam and I). 😊

Until Next Bite,
~Miss SugarCookie

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2018-06-20 Sunrise in Key West

Today I am waking up in Key West Florida. Yesterday at this time, I still didn’t know where I was traveling and so far it’s been an incredible adventure. You know you are on to something when even the longest travel day turns out to be an amazing experience. JS has spared no expense to make sure of it. Just being together through the “fun” that is air travel made it not as bad.

First thing in the morning we had a three hour flight to Miami which was delayed by about 45 minutes due to a thunderstorm in the area. When we arrived in Miami it feels like we walked like 5 miles to get our bags and get to the rental car. After that, we drove for 3.5 hours to get to our final destination with just a few stops along the way.

We drove through all the Keys to get to the very last one.. Key West. I had heard of the Keys but never researched much. Some of the drive was across bridges that connect the islands and on the map, it looks like you are just driving out on the ocean. We got out of the car a couple of times to check out different things. The first time it was to see a monument to a hurricane that hit the area in 1937. The second time it was just to get out of the car and take some pics of the vanishing horizon. At one point, you could look out at the ocean and the sky and not tell when one ended and the other began. I’d never seen anything like that before in my life. While we were stopped we also climbed down to the water on some giant rocks and saw the biggest iguana I have ever seen in my life (including at the zoo). There he was, just basking on the rocks. He ran away when we got close to take a pic of course, but it was neat.

When we arrived we got settled in and had a quick rest to recover from our travels. Our condo is just a few blocks from the southern most point in the US and it is absolutely spectacular here. After that, we got back in the car to head to a fish market in town for drinks and a late lunch. I had a crab cake sandwich and a tiny little bottle of Rose. The town itself is very quaint and all the houses and businesses are nice. The buildings have a sort of Caribbean feel (lots of white) and of course there is a ton of lush vegetation and it’s quite tropical.

We went to the grocery and got supplies for the condo and then drove around at sunset looking for a good vantage point.

When we arrived back at our home away from home we had a few more drinks on the patio overlooking the water (which is when we realized we forgot bug spray). JS cooked a late dinner and we settled into the couch for a relaxin evening. It was truly a full day and a great start to what I can now call our Florida getaway.

It’s 7AM here now and the sun is up. He’s planned a fun day for us today which includes a glass bottom boat ride. I can’t even describe how lucky I feel to have met him. We’re going to have such amazing adventures together. First thing is first though – back to bed! 😉❤️

Loving Life,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-06-18 Destination Unknown

I’ve been waking up super early the last week or so. It’s actually an advantage when it comes to all these early-ass flights I’m booked on. 4:30am wakeup to make it to the airport.. no problem. Tomorrow trip number 2 starts with a 6:30 flight and I’m just about ready.

I’ll have had a break of two days in between touching down and taking off again. My trip to Nashville was really great and a good balance of work and play. I got to see Broadway and had a drink at the Honkey Tonk. We walked down to the river and chilled for a while on a 4th floor patio overlooking the scene. It was great food, however, I was slightly disappointed I never had a Nashville Cheeseburger. Wherever I end up next, I’m gonna get my fix.

By This time tomorrow my destination will be revealed. Based on various clues, my guess is somewhere on the East Coast. I’ve got a growing list of people who I’m supposed to inform when I find out.

Here is what I know…

1. I don’t need a passport.

2. Its “oceanic”. (That has to mean in the Coast right?).

3. The temps will be in the 80’s all week.

4. Its not on the same Latitude as Nebraska. (That could be anywhere).

5. It has been mentioned (that could be anywhere too, cuz I’ve thrown out a lot of guesses).

That’s it. That’s what I have to go on. That’s why I’m saying East coast but not sure where. I’d welcome any guesses! 😉

I’m getting totally excited to being swept away to some unknown place. Honestly, I don’t care where it is. I love my kids and my job and my life here, but balance is important and I need some major QT with just my sweetie. We could be just anywhere and as long as we have all day and night to just do whatever it will be wonderful. I’m looking forward to (hopefully) sleeping in and laying around relaxing and probably doing some sight seeing and exploring of the area.

Going on our first trip together feels like it should be some sort of a test, especially since travel is kind of important to me. Do we travel well together? But for some reason I’m not thinking about it like that at all. I have a level of confidence about it that makes me feel warm and happy inside. I mean, I must have a pretty good level of trust to let another person take the wheel and take me somewhere unknown. I’m ok with letting that happen, which says a lot coming from someone who is used to being in control.

What I am still responsible for at this point is wrapping up Work and packing my bags. True to form, I’ve got my checklist. Today all I have to do is execute. I’m not sure when I’ll have a chance to write more, so this is basically that cliffhanger ending with no promise when the next episode will be coming out. Whenever that is though, all will be revealed.

Cheers to Adventure!

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-06-17 Nashville Day 3 – Hey, I’m on a Boat!

I’ve kind of always wanted to be on a boat while someone was blasting that “on a boat” song. And now I have. 😜

That was actually the third best part of my day yesterday. I realize why it’s a thing. There was a lot of prep and errands leading up to this excursion so we weren’t out on the water until like noon. The company rented a pontoon boat which had partial shade thank the Universe, or me and my pasty white skin would not have made it through.

Pontoon boats don’t go fast, so we basically got out of the dock are in the open water and cruised along the reservoir for about an hour. After a while I was kind of thinking about how everything looks the same no matter which way we went and hoping I was with People who wouldn’t get lost. The lake was Huge.

Eventually they decided on a spot to stop and drop the anchor. Now I’ve never done anything like this before so I was basically following everyone’s lead. They all got in the water. Yikes. It was definitely not the time to bring up the fact that I have a mild fear of drowning because I’ve had not one, but two near terrible experiences where drowning was a threat.

As I stood there at the back of the boat and watched them thinking about what was going to happen next, one dude said, “are you getting in”. I responded without hesitation… “not without one of those” and pointed at the float devices which had all been spoken for at that point. He promptly swam back and let me have his. At that point I was sure I was the center of attention (which is also not awesome). He asked if I knew how to swim.

I said “I know how to not die”. It’s true. I could swim to the shore if I had to, but free float in the water is not my style. The water was fine, I floated around a while and chatted with different people about nothing of consequence and pretty soon people were getting back in the boat to have food and drink. Great idea!!

We hung out for quite a while. It was actually really relaxing just sitting on the boat with the breeze, pondering life. I was drinking a little but not enough to even get a buzz. It was a good afternoon. Before we pulled up the anchor everyone got back in one more time. I grabbed the float thing again and this time just laid on it and let the waves in the water float me away.

I almost ran into another person and then struck up a conversation with him. I’m so much better and more comfortable with one on one conversations. It was another one of the founders of the company, whom I had not worked with or talked to in the past. Another great guy. These people are all pretty great. We chatted for a bit and then were hailed back to the boat because it was time to head back. Three of us had flights to catch, myself included.

The boat excursion would be my last taste of Nashville and it was great to end the trip on a high note. I mean, I may not have made it sound that great, but anytime I get a chance to test my fears, overcome a challenge, be outside on this beautiful planet pondering my existence is a pretty amazing time.

The trip home was just as revealing. It was the second best part of my day. With each step and flight and car ride closer to my home, I felt more happiness and relief. Yes, the trip was intended to be a fun retreat, which it was, but it was still work and as such I set expectations for myself which took some effort to meet.

I wanted to make a great first impression. I hope I did. And now that I’m home I’m hoping to have a little time to reflect on all of it. I’ve got some decisions I need to make rather quickly and I don’t want thinking about Work interfere with my vacation too much.

And last, but certainly nor least, the very best part of my day… being picked up at the airport by my love who brought me flowers from his garden. As he handed them to me he said “I know the rules, these are from the yard”. 😊 Now HE’S a keeper!!!

He exceeds every expectation. Nobody has ever parked the car and met me inside before. He’s certainly never late and he’s extremely thoughtful. He took my bags and opened my car door and then drive me to my house. He was perceptive enough to recognize how tired I was and to just see me in safely and then leave me to recover from my travels.

It’s a good thing too because I was deliriously tired. Yeah, dizzy tired AND got called on to do a work thing from the west coast (which I knew was coming so that wasn’t a surprise). I got that done and fell to sleep right away after. That’s why I’m doing my final recap of my third and final day in Nashville from this treadmill in Nebtaska.

Four plane rides down. Eight to go.

Next stop… destination unknown!!

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-11-12 Rolling With It

Still feeling a little off. I had good sleep last night, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t able to make it to the gym again today because I had to work right away AND had to take my car in to get a recall on it fixed. I’m back home now, but between that and having another full day of work ahead, plus lunch with Matt at 11:30 and an appointment with my aesthetician at 3:30, it’s probably not going to happen at all today. Whatever.. I’m just rolling with it.

***

Still rolling.

***

Still rolling. Hours later and miles from where I tried to start this morning. Needless to say I’m still on Slack (who made up that name for a communication app?), still testing for release, still dealing with not feeling well. Aaaaand just finished having a conversation with JS about how my lunch with Matt went and that one two punch (the lunch itself and that talk) was about all I could take today.

I’ve known people who are all drama. People who thrive on it and somehow seem to seek it out. Strange bad shit is always happening to them and they say they aren’t the start of it, but somehow, it seems like it follows them. That’s not me. I don’t like drama at all. In fact, quite the opposite. I’m pretty passive and if anything, I suppress things. I don’t want to upset people or situations and I tend to bottle up and keep it inside.

I suppose that’s where the blogging works in my favor. It’s like somebody listening, yet I know nobody is going to be to bent about anything I have to say. Dealing with real live people in person is a much tougher thing. And I guess today was my day for that.

I’ve said before I wasn’t sure why I would even subject myself to this lunch. Call it obligation, or guilt, or curiosity, but I went through with it. It was as expected with a fair bit of surface level conversation to start and all was just fine until he asked me about any vacations coming up. I was honest and told him and if you could have seen the look on his face it was like someone just told him there had been a death. He apparently didn’t know I was dating someone.

Despite being “Facebook Official” AND having a mutual friend in Josh, he apparently did not know. It’s like in that instant, all the blood drained from his face along with any trace of a smile and was replaced by a look I never want to see again. My heart sank.

The conversation took a turn at that point and became very awkward. He tried to recover and faked a smile and asked me more about it. “How long?”, “Does he have kids?”, “How old are they?”. All pretty short answers from me. It was up to me to steer the conversation somewhere else, which I did successfully for a little bit. Until his Miata came up. I love that car. I’ve always loved miatas.

So much fun cruising around with the top down. I happened to comment about how great that was except for the trip where we bought the car. It was an attempt to provide a quick reminder of one of the worst times between us. That entire trip was miserable. Flying to Austin, being stranded at Jim’s house while Jim was on a Work trip. Not having any way to go look at cars (I’m the one who eventually broke down and got a rental). We found a car just in time for me to need to get home and he don’t want to leave. We fought heavily about that. We left anyway. I had to get home to get my kids. He got sick on the way and still had to drive because I couldn’t handle the miatas manual transmission. The whole thing was a disaster and frankly quite eye opening.

After my comment, he held his hand out for me to grab it and he apologized. I apologized too and then we both started to cry. Full on red eye, tears streaming, nose running crying right there in the middle of the Panera. It was gut-wrenching. After a few minutes, we both had napkins and he suggested I excuse myself to the restroom, which I did. When I came back, he went. When we were both back, we tried to recover the conversation again and sort of did.. talking about family and how everyone is doing. As that was ok but soon after I decided I needed to get back home and get back to work.

We walked out together and my car was first so I turned to hug goodbye. It was a long embrace. I think I had already decided at that point I would probably never meet with him again like this. There’s really no good reason. Feeling like it was the last time, I said “take care, and give the fam my best if you like”. He held on to me a little longer. I think he knew it too.

As we separated, he said “let’s do this again sometime soon”. WTF? I just smiled and nodded. What was I supposed to say? I got in my car and drove away and he went back inside for some reason.

When I got home I dove back into work and I worked most of the afternoon and evening. At about 8pm JS came to visit me and bring me the power cord to my monitor which I left at his place. We chatted for a little bit about the normal stuff and then I brought up my lunch.

It was and is my intent to always 1. Have full disclosure about things that happen even if those conversations are difficult. 2. Share how I’m feeling with my person because I need to be able to do that with my partner. 3. Do a fact check with them because their opinion matters. If it seems like my head is not clear, and I’m making wrong choices, I want someone to call me out on it.

In this case all things are applicable and his initial reaction made me very nervous. He was silent and tentative and eventually said some of the ways it made him feel. I also get that it takes People time to process stuff and I suspect we’ll have more talk about it soon. The whole thing is somewhat complicated because we’ve never talked about that relationship so he has no context other than it was 5 years of my life. I’m going to remedy that soon too.

When we were done talking, he thanked me for telling him and by that time it was late for the both of us. He went home and I went to bed (or tried). I was called on by my work peeps to do more testing and did that for about another half hour and after that, headed for my bedroom.

I started writing this post yesterday and tried to continue/finish before I went to bed last night, but the call to sleep was too strong and pulled me under.

Now it’s 8AM and the start of a new day. I’m back at the gym for the first time in a few days and trying to inject some “normal” in my routine before I embark on my tour-de-USA tomorrow. Today I’ve got lunch with my friend Barbie and then laundry and packing, etc. more work of course. Time is short and whatever happens, I’m just gonna have to keep on rolling with it. (Or spinning as that’s how I really feel).

Right round like a record, baby,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-06-11 Late Starts

My typical routine is to get up and get my gym time in early and write all about what’s in my brain from my beloved elliptical machine. It seems like when that doesn’t happen, I’m never able to fit it in later in the day. Life gets busy and there’s just no other good time for me to sit down at my laptop and write. If I sit down at my laptop, chances are I’ll be working.

It’s kinda funny because in the past when I blogged everyday (before I started again in 2017), I used to only be able to write just before bed. I’d be completely done with my day and grab my laptop and get in bed and that’s when I’d start. The end result of that was that most of what I wrote was an account of what happened during that day. And I think it was often shorter because sleep was always knocking on my door. Matt always.. ALWAYS saw me doing that and suggested I write in the mornings instead. He also suggested I start a blog critiquing cheeseburgers around town. I guess I’ve taken him up on both those suggestions. Not that I would ever bring that up when I see him again (tomorrow) because it’s not just cheeseburgers here, you know, it’s everything in my head including my thoughts on him and us and how he wrecked everything.

I’ve never been so direct before, but if you’ve read some of the early 2017 posts tagged with “relationship”, it’s likely been implied. What’s probably also been implicit and explicit along the way is that I still have feelings for him. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that it is unavoidable or inevitable or something like that. Even in the glow of new love, it has not disappeared. Five+ years of loving someone doesn’t dissolve into nothing. Damn.

Several weeks ago when he reached out to me to see if I wanted to have a Meetup I agreed. Call it curiosity or an experiment on the workings of the human heart or whatever, but I was compelled to accept. Being busy and somewhat disinterested when that day arrived made me cancel. Guilt made me reschedule. And now we have lunch set for tomorrow. 🙄 whatever.

Today I’m getting a late start to my gym time and consequently also my blog. This morning I had to pack up all the shit I took to JS’s house last week and move it all back to my house. After that, as it happens, I had to get some work done so it was delayed more. Now I’ve finally arrived and I am trying to get into my groove.

Something has been off with me for a few days now.. low energy, very sleepy, lack of focus and, being quite frank, I’m also late for my period by by about 3 days. It’s like my whole system is on pause. I don’t need to be concerned about potential babies (according to JS), so it’s something else. What IT is, I’m not sure, but it’s terrible timing. There’s never a good time but if things went according to schedule I’d be over and done with all that mess by the time I fly to Nashville this week.

Now, instead, I will probably start the day before and then have to deal with that traveling. As if the anxiety of flying and meeting my bosses and co-workers for the first time isn’t enough. Gawd!

It’s now about 3 in the afternoon all this late start business has me feeling off and I’m going to give up and go back home. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be back on track.

Over It and Out,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-06-07 The JS Cheeseburger 🍔- A Solid 3.75

3.75 Out of 5. I’m going to try not to focus too much on the fact that my rating scale is flawed and needs some refinement and just roll with it.

I had another JS burger experience last night and it’s the 4th or 5th time so it’s about time I broke down the facts and shared about it.

First, the beef.. Nebraska grass fed obtained from the local Whole Foods, cuz that’s how we roll. No spices, just smashed into patties and cooked on a medium/high gas flame grilll. Five minutes each side and I get to hang out and talk with the cook while he works his magic.

Once the burgers are done, it’s back to the kitchen so the assembly can take place. For mine, it’s two slices of cheese, one aged white cheddar of unknown origin and one Kraft medium orange cheddar (white on the bottom and orange on top). Dill pickle slices and Dijon mustard on top of that. All between a gluten free ciabatta bun. There were als more dill slices on the side with lays potato chips. Delicious!

On the down side.. The burger was cooked a little more than I like it and the post grill prep of the rest of the food took too long and by the time we sat down to eat, it wasn’t very hot anymore.

On the plus side, I really was in control of my own toppings and got to snuggle up next to my sweetie when we were done eating and continue watching our new show. We finished “Lost In Space”, which was great, and started “The Colony”. Last nights got we got through episode 3 and so far so good. But this isn’t a review of TV shows, it’s a review of a Cheeseburger. 🍔 😜

This particular time, I’m giving it a 3.75 because it’s still better than most but there’s definite room for improvement. I’ve had 4s and even 4.25 here before but that was under different circumstances. Nameley a different bun. The quality of the bun is on me. I’m gluten free right now and that’s mostly so I stop eating so much bread and pasta. I wouldn’t even be having gluten free bread if it weren’t for the fact that eating a burger without a bun is against my religion. So for this I have to make an exception.

The great news on this one is that I’m gonna have lots of opportunities to improve the score. I’m seeing a long happy future with JS perfecting ‘our’ cheeseburger.

After dinner and the show, we jumped in the car and did a loop around the city to watch/follow a pretty bad-ass thunderstorm. It came from the north and bypassed the west part of town so we headed east. We ended up seeing a couple intense cloud to ground lightning strikes and were pretty close to the action. By the time we finished the loop it had dissipated and I was so tired I fell asleep on the couch. It was a great night. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Another Burger in the Books,

~Miss SugarCookie