2017-06-28 Waking Up Unemployed

I woke up this morning at 6:22 after about 6.5 hours of sleep. It may take me a while to get used to sleeping in later than that, or I may never be able to sleep later than that which would be OK.

When I wake up at that time, I generally have some time to myself to think about what I want to think about and do what I want. During the school year it’s about an hour because I have to get the kids up and start everybody moving for the day, but in summer it’s a little longer since they sleep in.

This morning I’m thinking about waking up unemployed. Yesterday I made mention of it feeling like I was just on PTO for the day and though that is true, I also found myself really not thinking about work at all, which was just amazing.

I have one friend who recently quit his job and got a new one and he said it took him several weeks to sort of “let go” of the responsibility of everything he had going on at his previous employer. He said he would still wake up thinking about what might happen with customer “X” and feel like he needed to check in and make sure things were OK.

Perhaps it was because I was so busy entertaining the kids yesterday that I had very little thoughts of what was happening at the company, but it could also be that I was way past ready to let it go. I also had four weeks to try and wrap things up and make sure I left what I was currently working on in a good state, which I felt like I did OK with.

Of course there will always be issues and unexpected crisis to handle, but that is the nature of that job. My last week there I had a great conversation with the founder of the company and I admitted to feeling like the product had not made a lot of progress in the last couple years and he vehemently disagreed with me. He praised my effort and all that I had done for the company and the product in the past five years and that left me feeling a little better about how I was leaving things. That conversation may also have something to do with the fact that I’m resting easy, and not thinking about the past.

In any case, I felt like one last post about my previous employment was in order. I have no doubt things will continue to “carry on” just fine without me and that somehow everything will get done. I did dedicate the last five years of my life to that place which equates to over 10,000 hours.

The work I’ve worked hard at my entire professional career is the reason I have the ability right now, today, to wake up unemployed and not worried about the future. For the next “X” amount of time, I can just wake up and think about all the wonderful things I will be able to do each day. Today, that includes hanging out with my kids, cleaning and organizing my house, visiting my friend Amy, and going on a first date. Life is wonderful and I want to enjoy living it.

Cheers to Tuesday,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-06-15 Mid Month Moodiness

The last few days have been a struggle again. My emotions at work ran high yesterday and I have about a week left and I can’t quite figure out why I was letting things get to me. I woke up at 5AM yesterday and 5AM again today and something is stuck spinning in my brain. That has to be the reason I have not been able to fall back asleep, like I have been doing so well these last few weeks. In fact, until yesterday, my sleep was nearing the 8 hour average mark.

Yesterday I was ultra focussed on a few work items and alleviated the immediate pressure by scheduling a meeting with one of our executives.. the founder of the company and the person I have historically most often been coached by these past 5 years. He was one of those folks who was really tough to face when I resigned, but now that a few weeks have passed, I’ll be able to have a conversation and keep my composure.

I want to talk to him about the future state of the company and more specifically, my area and the roadmap of my product. I’m being very possessive, but that’s what happens after five years in the driver’s seat. I’m in a very odd position with an internal struggle between holding on and letting go. I think this conversation will help me. That’s going to happen next Monday. My last Monday working for a while.

Then there’s the Matt aspect (if you can call a person an aspect). Another struggle to let go. I believe the best thing for me would be not to communicate at all, but I am compelled to. I don’t pretend to understand my own behavior. Even in the last week, I’ve teared up a couple of times thinking about “us”, and then spontaneously texted two days ago with a question. I was really just wanting to say “hi”, but came up with a reason, so it would not seem so random. I don’t know why I can’t just let go.

I went to a show with my Friend Amy last night and after we went to Lot 2 for food and drinks. We both had a kale salad and split a cheeseburger That was a place Matt and I used to go to and split a cheeseburger. It made me happy and sad at the same time. The cheeseburger was not as good as I remember.

It is mid week, mid month, and mid life and I have to figure out how to snap out of this funk. It’s 7:15AM now and I’m already tired and wanting to go back to sleep. I’m wanting to go back to sleep and now is the time I should be waking up. That’s messed up.

Back to Bed?
~Miss SugarCookie

P.S. Today I am grateful for having events to look forward to in my future.

2017-06-11 Sunday Stats and Things Like That

I’ve been so focussed on the big things and the big picture and big changes that I have not been keeping up on my day to day/week to week analysis. It’s really about time to start digging back into the details and when it comes to details, stats (and things like that) are where it’s at.

Have I written about balance? Yes
Have I written about everything being connected? Yes
Have I concluded that being healthy starts with sleeping well? Yes, lots of times. All of the validation I need is within these few important items…

Sleep: Last 7 days average 7 hours and 39 minutes. 39 minutes above my unofficial goal. 😃

Exercise: 7 day average step count is 18,150. That’s 6K over my official goal of 12K per day and 3 K over my unofficial daily goal. 😃

I’ve been to 3 or 4 Jazzercise classes this week as well as multiple workouts at the gym and several walks in various parts of town (hence the stellar step count). 😃

Eating: This is the one area I feel I’ve sort of failed on as Ive given in to lots of cravings and eaten out a bunch. The scale is up a few lbs. and I want to try and figure out how to make a plan and stick to it. Of all the things, I think this will be the biggest challenge ahead of me.

For today though, I want to celebrate this success. Deep down in my heart I feel like I can attribute my sleeping better to the huge weight that has been lifted off me. I also feel like the fact that I am beginning to “let go” has given be back a little more time to focus on exercise, even though I’m not really done yet.

That celebration starts with enjoying the rest of my weekend. Monday will be here soon, so I am going to go now, and squeeze as much funday out of the rest of this Sunday as I can.

Cheers,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-06-03 The Sleep Success

It’s a beautiful morning and it’s going to be a glorious day. It’s Saturday and I woke up to 66 degrees of easy breezy sunshine. I decided to get a bit of a workout in before the kids wake up and will prolly also try to squeeze a Jazzercise dance Mixx set too.

Lunch with mom yesterday was good and she took the news of me quitting well. She’s pretty much supportive of me no matter what choices I make, so that’s nice. I told her I’m already sleeping better. I’m not even done working, yet knowing I’m not going to have to be responsible for everything I was accountable for in my position is such a relief.

I decided a week ago I was not going to take anything to aid my sleep anymore. And I’ve stuck to that. It’s been amazing that each day that goes by I’ve slept better and better.

My average this week is about 6.5 hours which is great considering I was sleeping on a couch in Denver for half those days. The last couple nights I’ve gotten almost 8 hours. No wonder I’m waking up feeling so wonderful,

I have a good feeling next week is going to be even better. I’m going to go for an average of 7.5. There are more factors that affect that besides waking up in the middle of the night with my mind spinning, trying to problem solve (or not, as the case is now). The other factor is my own choice of when to go to bed. I often choose to stay up late for one reason or another. So if I set a regular time to call it quits, that’s going to make a big impact.

I just need to continue to do the things I’m doing and I will be on the successfully sleepy train for good.
Continuing to get good workouts during the day will also help. On that note, I’d better get to it.

Cheers,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-06-01 Waking up Wonderful

Have you ever woke up feeling refreshed and happy? This morning I did, and it feels amazing. Yesterday was a rough one for sure, but I made it home and the kids tucked me in about 9:30 PM. (When I go to sleep before them, that’s what we do.)

I woke up around 5:30 AM and according to my trusty FitBit I had 7.5 hours of sleep. It was much needed. When I woke up I stretched and took a second to gauge how I was feeling. Much better than yesterday. My brain immediately kicked into gear, as it always does, thinking about all the things to do today. It was work first of course, but then Jazzercise, making sure Z get’s to her first day of summer PE ok, and watering flowers I bought but have not planted yet.

I went through my morning phone ritual as usual. I checked the times on Jazzercise classes. I checked the weather to help determine what I am going to wear to work today and I checked my meeting schedule.

I have a full day of meetings, but for the first time in a long time I am not bothered by that. I can truly start to let go of all the things that I will not be getting to and put the proper focus on what I am actually doing. A webex training session with a customer and a meeting with my boss plus more lab work for a new customer. Anything above and beyond that is icing on the cake.

The amazing part comes in when I roll over and lay on my stomach for a few minutes and think about what is to come. It’s freedom to be able to think about whatever you want to think about and not have the mind tied down by all the weight that has been a burden for so long.

I got up briefly to open the curtains and the window so I could see the sky get light as the sun comes up and hear the birds going through their own morning rituals. Then I nestled back into my bed to enjoy it for just a little longer. I’m so positive today is going to be a good day. I’m so happy to be feeling positive. THIS, my friends, is how you know you have made the right decisions.

Second Stretch, then Shower,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-05-03 It’s All a Blur

I’m talking about the last two days. I’m talking about the last two weeks. GAWD am I really talking about the last two years??!!

I’m currently typing this on my phone wile trying to manage 160 strides per minute on the elliptical machine at the gym. This.. THIS is multitasking. This is how I’m going to fit everything into my day that I want to do. Is this really the only way? 

My goal is to get 7 hours of sleep every single night. That’s the primary target. That is what I need to start. I knew this months ago, weeks ago, and now. It was working before and it can work again. I just need to focus on that. Everything else will start to fall into place. I am sure of it. 

After that.. it’s the same goal but without any assistance from otc or Rx meds. After that I re-evaluate and find the next target. What’s a realistic timeframe? Two weeks? I think so.

What’s the strategy? Sacrifice the extra time I’ve been putting into my job. I’m not going to get paid any more or less for what I do so when it comes to the bottom line with time.. that goes first. 

The other factor besides time are the unsolved problems in my life. Work (again), and my relationships. I have to let go of the animosity and hurt I’m feeling because I can’t change things. My brain wants these unsolvable problems solved and it’s stealing my sleep to do so. I need to take back control. I don’t know if that means meditation, or talking more with people, or really just giving up on the current job and relationships. I don’t know, but damn it all to hell, it’s gonna happen. 

That’s it for now. Let’s see if I can also post this to the site from my phone (still on the elliptical).

Sweaty and Determined,
~Miss SugarCookie

2017-04-26 Phoenix – Day 5, And the Beat Goes On

Last night I fell asleep at 9:30 and this morning at about 4. Those doing the time math on that can clearly see that means I had 6.5 hours a sleep. It was absolutely necessary and it was AMAZING.

Never in my life did I think I would ever be so excited to have 6 and a half hours of sleep. Or that I would feel so great about it.

Today went much like yesterday and was a flurry of activity from start to finish. Several days in a row now I have not even had time to get any exercise and I’m starting to feel it. I’ve also not been eating well and I’m feeling that too.

It really would have been nice to come to Phoenix and actually see Phoenix, but I don’t think it is in the cards for this trip.

I also have not had time to write like I would want to and don’t really have that now either because I have to get back to working on items. I would say, more later but that would be a lie.

And on, and on, and on,
Miss SugarCookie