2018-03-16 Lifted Curses?

I survived the Ides and to my knowledge so did my loved ones. Time to take a deep breath and exhale a sigh of relief and turn attention to the flip side of the Ides which is St. Patrick’s day. It’s another day my family is very keen on observing even though there’s only a tiny slice of Irish ☘️ in the mix.

Obviously there’s a lot of years that nothing noteworthy has happened in March, but something inside of me feels like the month has still got bad omens swirling around it. I forget that one of the most important days of my life was in March, which was the birth of my daughter. That definitely balances things out for me and perhaps most of the rest of it was inherited from the fam via suggestion and March is no more cursed than any other month.

As far as March 15 is concerned, it will still be the day in history my divorce was final. I suppose that could be viewed as both positive and negative. This year marks the 8th anniversary of that day and what a way to celebrate.. Date #4 with Bachelor #15.

When I arrived we opened a couple bottles of wine, red for me and white for him. He proceeded to show me the back yard and then we sat and talked in what I would call the sunroom. After that he cooked me dinner and I we ate and talked more. It was great.

I didn’t want to miss the movie again so even though it was quite late in the evening, we did that too. The only thing I have to say about “The Shape Of Water”… so strange!

THIS won best picture??! Whatever. I think it was probably just the perfect mix of good acting, a historic context that made for good nostalgia, and unique story. Still, it was not that enjoyable. Almost like I was watching and didn’t have the opportunity to opt out. I’ve never cringed like that at a romance scene in my whole life! (Or the scene where the guy pulls his own decaying fingers off his hand. 🤮)

So I guess I had more than one thing to say about the movie. When it was over we didn’t really talk about it much. It was late and he had to be up early for work. I made it back home before midnight and fell asleep feeling very positive about things. A successful 4th date means my 3rd date curse has also been obliterated (if that was ever really a thing).

I’ve got a fair bit planned for the day today. Work.. lunch with my mom.. Jazzercise with Leah.. and then more work. This weekend we’re cutting a new release of the software so the calendar is littered with tasks that need to get done by Sunday. I hope it’s all done by Saturday so I can enjoy our annual ☘️ party (which is actually on Sunday).

Curses Smurses,

~Miss SugarCookie


2018-03-15 Ohhh the Ides

One doesn’t have to look too far to find why this day in history has been marked with a black cloud .. for Ceasar and for my Family. Every year we sort of hold our breath waiting for March to pass. I don’t want to repeat myself and I wrote a little about it last year. If you are interested, last years post is Here.

I’m hoping to balance all that out (as much as one could) with my 4th date with Bachelor #15. He’s going to cook me dinner at his house and then we are going to watch that movie we planned to watch on our second date but ran out of time. I’m really looking forward to it.

I think having a 4th date breaks some sort of record. I’m cautiously hopeful about this guy. He seems awesome and I keep daydreaming about the future. Something in the back of my head can’t help but be skeptical though. Is this the date where he decides he’s not that into me and tomorrow “poof” he’s gone?

I wasn’t like this a year ago so it’s definitely the dating scene that’s caused this paranoia. To be fair, a year ago I was still trying really hard to get over my ex and not think about him every damn day. I think it was June that I downloaded the Bumble dating app and started swiping.

I’ve decided that if this new guy decides to exit stage left, that’s it for Bumble. I’ve sealed that deal by deleting the app. I don’t really have a plan B other than to just take a break from that madness for a while. Dating should be fun, and it hasn’t been. That being stated, every interaction with Bachelor #15 has been really great so far.. fun, perfect dates, great conversation, balanced. He’s checking all the boxes and making me smile.. that’s how it’s supposed to be!! 😊

Until our dinner date tonight at his house, I have all day in an empty, quiet house to get some work done. It’s been a while and I’m very much looking forward to the break. I’m a little behind this week on things for work (all self imposed deadlines), but in the next few days I’ll be able to dig in and concentrate.

In any case, I’m going to minimize my chances of running into any soothsayers today by staying close to home. I don’t need anyone telling me to “Beware the Ides”. And if I get murdered tonight like Ceasar did, then wont that be just the grandest irony ever! 😜

Here’s to Shakespeare,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-14 Made it with 4 Minutes to Spare

When we walked in, we were blindfolded and handcuffed and led down a hallway, hands on the shoulder of the person in front of us. Then, one by one we were placed in a dark room, behind bars. We’d just been kidnapped and had one hour to escape.

That was the scene yesterday afternoon at our escape room experience. I can say for certain I don’t like the feeling of not being able to see and having my hands in cuffs gave me serious reservations about the whole thing. As it happens, the blindfolds were just to enhance the effect and so that unease was lifted as soon as the door closed behind our “captor”.

It was a good game and I think we worked well as a team.. me and my Z and her 6 friends. At one point about half were working on one set of clues and the other half a different puzzle and without that, we never would have made it with 4 minutes to spare.

We did get a few “clues” along the way, mostly clarifying something we were on the right track with and a nudge on some aspect of it. My daughter has some pretty smart friends and for being the smallest of the group, she’s sure has a commanding voice. She’s definitely got leader potential.

After all that, the herd migrated back to my house and proceeded to destroy my kitchen and family room. They are all still sleeping in the basement now. I’m sure a good time was had by all and therefore it was a great successs.

I was able to get in almost 8 hours of sleep which is a fantastic success considering I had a house full of teenagers. There are advantages to having buffer space in the house to minimize noise. Still, I am looking forward to the other great escape which is all these girls going home so I can restore the house and relax in peace.

That officially wraps up the festivities for our grand sweet sixteen. It’s bittersweet. The years just fly by and I can’t believe what an amazing person my daughter is turning out to be. I love to see it, but it’s a little sad that three and eight and thirteen are in the rear view. So many great memories. We have to embrace each special moment as it happens in the present and keep looking forward to the next wonderful thing.

Good till Seventeen,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-13 Fire 🔥 and Ice ❄️

I said upfront that it is what it is. Organic is a nice way to say unprocessed and unfiltered. That means that sometimes you get unfiltered awesomeness and sometimes it’s just rotten. Today I have a rant about my ex (husband) and if I remember before I’m done writing, I also want to contemplate a dream I had and what it might mean.

First, the ex. This guy! Flame 🔥 on!!

This guy who never cared about being a partner in parenting when our kids were small. This guy who was so career driven “for us” but found time to go out and drink and screw around when he was in town, yet didn’t have time to change a lightbulb or drive his kids to swim class.

This guy who was perpetually stuck in his 20s and wanted what he wanted and didn’t care until well after our divorce.

Having 30% responsibility for the kids when we separated was eye opening to him. He slowly realized how difficult things can be and also what rewards were also possible. Now he cherishes his children and they are his world, but that took a long time.

I remember the first time he texted that he was up all night with Z who was sick. I was all like “how is she now?” (And welcome to the real world, no shit it’s hard).

I went through years getting letters from the school about how my children were habitually tardy and he always said that it wasn’t him. He was always the master of convincing himself he was never to blame. I’m the data nerd, so I had the calendar with the schedule and crosschecked that with the detail reports I requested from the school. Surprise surprise, the kids were late on his mornings. I knew that already because I was rarely late.

Then we went through a phase where his vehicle wouldn’t start in the mornings. Despite it being at least 8 years newer than mine AND the same kind of car (Ford Escape), he would text and say “my car won’t start, can you take the kids?”. What was I supposed to do, say no?

He always made excuses.. and each time that was a reminder to me why were not married anymore. Over time (8 years this week actually), he’s gotten better, and now he has a job again and a girlfriend and takes more responsibility for things.

Every once in a while, though, I still get those reminders. This week Is his daughter’s Sweet 16 party which is a big deal to her, and I’m taking care of ALL of it, including hosting at my house and paying for everything. The only thing I physically can’t do is get 8 people to the escape room event and back. I asked for his help with carpool over two weeks ago and then confirmed again last week.

Then yesterday Z and I were picking something up at his house I’m the middle of the day, and he saunters out in his pajamas and comes up to my car window to say hi.

“I took the day off because I hate my job” he says. I conceal my eye roll by briefly looking down and then just smile and nod. I proceed to confirm the carpool again (because this is necessary) and I’m glad I did because he proceeds to tell me he can’t because he has a job interview IN DENVER. WTF??!

I’m really low on good alternatives. I’m not friends with the other parents and it’s short notice to take Work off early anyway. My sister is out of town and my other sister doesn’t have a car and I’ve got no friends close to this area of town. My parents aren’t close enough for it to be reasonable, but that’s my next best option.

He asked about Uber and I replied, “sure, I’m sure my dumping 3 teenage girls in a car with a complete stranger is going to go over really well… no!”.

This morning I requested he ask his girlfriend to help. She’s lived with him un officially for a while now and officially for the past several months. I think it’s not a stretch to ask. I forced his hand on it and she said yes, so now it’s all worked out. I’m still left feeling a little “WTF” though. Seriously.

There is so much more I could rant about, but perhaps that’s enough for now. I gotta turn down that flame so I can get to more important things, like how I almost died in a dream. It left me with icy chills. ❄️ I say “Almost” because when it happened, I woke up instantly!!

This was the night before last but you don’t experience something like that and forget it easily. I was with a few people at an event and the only one I remember was my step sister, Julie. We were looking up watching some event on tvs. There were multiple side by side screens like they have at the gym or at a sports bar mounted above where we were standing.

The screen on the right was showing some party outdoors with mountains covered in snow on the background. I had interest in this because I had family there too, or so I felt in my dream. It was too small to know for certain but I just felt it.

The scene didn’t last long. All at once you could see in the distance on the TV that there was an avalanche of snow coming down the mountain. At first it was small, and then in an instant it became massive and a spit second later, it overtook that party and I barely had time to consider the fact that my family was all crushed under that snow before a giant white mass came down upon us and where we were. Another instant later I woke with the fear of death in me. I was at that event and buried under an avalanche of snow and debris. I was terrified and it truly took me a few seconds to recognize it was a dream and I was fine. I didn’t really go back to sleep after that.

Like I said, that was yesterday but it’s still lingering in my brain. It happened so fast and what I just described is all I remember. I wonder what that could all mean?

No matter, time to get back to reality now and the party happening in a few hours here in Sunny Nebraska where there are no snow filled mountains! 😉

Flame 🔥 Off,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-12 The Thin Mint Struggle

Welcome to a new week and we’re rolling into mid March like lambs and lions living together.. real pre-old testament stuff. Sooth sayers and Ceasar slayers, Shakespeare rising from his grave. Beware.. the mass hysteria.

The kids are already enjoying their spring break by staying up late on a Sunday and sleeping in. I’m back at the gym and the man in black is here in black and running on the last treadmill in the row. I’ve got Work to do and a party to prep for and everything feels right with the world.

Yesterday I crossed my heart about really digging my heels in and eating healthy this week and I’m doing it. I know what works and I know what I have to do. If I can make it through the candy and ice cream and potato chips and pizza that my darling daughter has planned for her party, I can make it through anything. It’s the ultimate test.

I know I can do it because I have before. After having babies my metabolism had shifted greatly and I could no longer eat whatever I wanted like I could in my teens and twenties. After having my Z I struggled greatly. I was heavier than ever before in my life and gaining instead of loosing. I really had to figure out what worked for me.

I can’t talk to People about this. They look at me and roll their eyes. I said something to my mom and she literally made a face at me and waved her hand up like “go away with that”. Thanks for the support mom. I’m thin, but the truth is, I’ve had to work to get back here and to maintain.

And if a person has gone through what I have, which is a whole other thing I need to dedicate a post to, then they would truly understand what I mean when I say “It never really leaves my mind”. The self image and body issues and feelings of not being worthy are real.

I might try to make a funny comment on twitter like “Thin mints have cookie issues too”, but underneath that is a contant struggle. It’s part of why I dedicate so much time to setting goals and keeping track of stats.

Unfortunately at this point, my healthy appetite for exercise is not going to do much more for me because food is the problem. Food is NOT the problem.. my choices are the problem. I’m my own worst enemy. I can be super motivated at the start of the day like now, but by late afternoon I’m saying “screw it, I’m having what I want”.

I think it’s tough for me because I don’t have external support. If I’m truly compiling a wish list for my ideal partner in life, this would be on it. I want someone who also wants to eat healthy and support me in my struggle. If I were to look at my two past long term relationships I see this…

The first one was a major contributing factor to the cause of my problems.

The second really didn’t support me at all. He knew, but was mostly annoyed every time I was trying some new “fad” thing. Low carb, gluten free, mini-fasts and unreasonable restrictions. When he heard about my Whole 30 from Josh, apparently he issued a major eye roll. Whatever.

Like I stated, there’s more but it’s worthy of some dedicated time and well thought out writing. So I’ll quit now.

Time to get my Monday on!

Let’s Do This,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-11 Sunday Funday Status Update

Today my atypical weekend continued. I started my Sunday with the usual 8:30 Jazzercise class, but skipped any gym time and went for tea with a friend instead. I fit a little bit of work in, went shopping with Z for sweet 16 party supplies, and then to my Dad’s with the kids so we could celebrate (yet again) for her bday. I guess when your parents are divorced and your grandparents are also divorced you end up celebrating like 6 times.

So I didn’t hit my step goal today, but overall last week I was once again above average getting 20,775 average steps per day. I’m doing less Jazzercise and only did like 3 classes again this week.

My sleep improved slightly and I almost hit goal. 7 hours and 23 minutes average per night.

My eating habits remain in poor condition and I have gained a few more pounds and this madness has to stop. I don’t think I can do more exercise, but perhaps changing what I am doing will help. However, I know my main problem is the junk food and lack of willpower. I keep saying “tomorrow will be the day I’m cracking down on this”, and then it isn’t and I don’t. Something has to give.

The work week was really, really close to spot on!! A few more hours and that would have been dead on target. I’m getting more responsibilities now so I’m feeling pretty positive about this trend continuing.

The schoolwork is in a lull again and I really have to snap out of it before I get bit in the ass again with that procrastination thing. I need to put in some serious reading this week and catch up. My writing new material has kind of subsided too so I may need to break out some of those idea factory exercises my mentor sent.

My relationship status is still single. However, I did have date #3 with Bachelor #15 today (that was my tea meet up). I’m pretty hopeful about this, but cautiously optimistic. The ghosting thing has me paranoid but it just feels different somehow. If I may say, it feels “normal”. The right conversations, the right decisions on where to go and what to do, no red flags. He’s very responsive in text and really easy to talk to. He’s intelligent and handsome and fit and has a great job. There’s just a little twitch in the back of my brain going “ok, then, what’s the catch?”.

We already have a plan for date #4 so that’s also positive. I just have to get through the rest of these birthday shenanigans first. One more major thing Tuesday evening through Wednesday morning and then that will be over for this year.

Tomorrow I’m going to eat healthy and work and catch up on reading. Cross my heart!

Sweet Dreams,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-03-10 We All Have A Set List

If there was such a thing as a regular Saturday routine, I’m off it today. It’s mid-afternoon and I just made it to the gym. I’m in the hot-box and it’s so hot I feel like my skin is going to catch fire. Normally this dry heat sauna is my Jam but maybe I’m not as cold blooded as I used to be.


And then I ran into Josh and there went another hour of my life. Sometimes our conversations are philosophical and engaging and I come away with new ideas and perhaps even something different I want to look more into and try. Other times it’s like this…

Him: I still love melee.

Me: /smile and nod (🙄)

Him: I need to figure out this diet thing.

Me: /smile and nod (🙄)

Him: Moving away is the answer to my job situation.

Me: /smile and nod (🙄)

Him: Code Red is my motivation. (Talking about another girl at the gym he’s had his eye on for 3 years and only ever said 2 words to).

Me: 🙄🤷‍♀️

I never know which Josh I’m going to get. Today it was all of the latter stuff. And he cycled through each one. I thought my blog was a broken record. 😜

The kids are away this afternoon with their dad and I should probably put some time into schoolwork. Tonight I’m going with a friend to “wine night” which is once a month at her friends house out west. It’s always a toss up whether I go or not. It always sounds like a good idea, and then the day arrives and I just don’t feel like it. I think it’s the anxiety from being around strangers coupled with the fact that they always have so much food and my willpower is not strong. I have nothing to say, so I just stand there and eat and eat and then feel terrible about myself after.

Still, I want to try and be social. How else am I going to meet new awesome, interesting people??! And Leah is awesome too. She’s the friend that got me into Jazzercise in 2016 when I really needed something to focus all my bottled up emotion on.

I’m going to cut this here and go walk the treadmill and read instead. I may have to leave the gym though as there’s a dude here now who is notorious for being so loud and obnoxious it’s disturbing. This gym is not small, but if he is here, his presence is known.

There’s my broken record for the day. Unlike an unexpected encounter with Josh, you at least have the choice to “listen” or not.

Right round baby,

~Miss SugarCookie